Dreaming.....

I have lots of dreams for my life. I've had some for years. Things I'm going to have, or things I'm going to do...most of them are unrealized...and that's okay, it's still nice to have them. Some of them are too far gone to realize at this point in my life....Don't think they want any flabby women pushing 50 to walk their modeling runways...I don't know why not...we have to buy clothes too ya know!! But at this age, most of us are no longer slaves to fashion and we just want the comfortable fit over the latest hottest style. I'm too old for Star Search or America's Got Talent, so I guess the Rock Star thing is probably a no go. I never did enjoy singing by myself anyways, and after all these years of smoking even my Janis Joplin sounds more like ....oh CRAP!! Brain fart....Now I can't even bring up the guy's name...He sang at Woodstock...an old Beatles' hit...With a little help from my friends....Shit shit shit...and he had one hit back in the day...You are so Beautiful to Me.....he always looked like he was having a seizure when he sang. I just loved the guy....now I can't recall his name....well...somebody help me out here so I can slap my forehead and say "I knew that!!" Anyhoo...he had a voice that sounded like he'd been eating gravel for several years....more like resin throat...but you get the idea!! LOL So where the hell was I??? OH yes... no singing career dreams to realize for this old woman.

And then their are the dreams that I waited to long to chase and now I have wisdom/reason and they seem foolish. Like horses. Oh man, I've had that dream since I was a little girl. I was gonna have a leopard Appaloosa gelding...not the brightest breed of horses, but I didn't want one smarter than me...I was looking more for a big dog that would love to meander around with me catching a free ride. Now I am older and thinking about how I'd have to feed and board the horse year round, not to mention the vet and the horse shoe guy and I would enjoy riding this horse maybe four months out of the year. I'm not riding in the winter...screw that!!! It's too cold and I hate the cold....and in the heat of summer....I'm thinking NOT...horseback riding at it's finest is done in spring and fall. And I am too damn cheap...okay...let's say 'thrifty' to pay for 12 months when four will do me. It's the same with the dream for a pontoon boat. Mr Fixit and I have talked about it for years now. It would have a little enclosed cabin on the back end for sleeping and a deck above that....complete with a water slide down off the back of the boat cause...HELL YEAAH!!!!! And we'd have hook ups to pull the kids/grandkids/people we threw off the boat behind us on a tube. But there again...to have one the size we want would mean a bigger truck to put it in and take it out of the lake....and there's the payment and insurance we'd be making every single month and we'd be out on the lake.....maybe 4 months....maybe.....now what the hell!! OR we could rent a slip at one of the marinas and save the expense of a bigger truck...but there ya go...pay for an entire year and you'll be out there.......about 4 months. Nahhhhhhh. We should have jumped at the chances years ago...cause now we have to much reason to blow that kind of dough....Old age and reason is a blessing....and a dream killer too!! LOL

Some dreams are still within my grasp...if I'd just get off my ass and try for them. I still dream of writing children's books...a series I think....I use to take mail order classes from "The Children's Institute of Literature"....sounds impressive don't it!!! But that was back when I was at home full time, running a daycare....pregnant with the Bohemian...and had a long afternoon nap time to be creative and write. Then the Bohemian made her debut, and she wasn't an easy child...so that took up a lot of time...and sleep oddly enough, and I let the classes go...but I still have the dream. Now that I'm an empty nester....I just might have to give it another try...when it gets cold out....and I start dreaming of killing something off cause I couped up in my house all weekend long....yeah....that's still a do-able dream. And I have a dream of working in a greenhouse and using all my take home pay to buy flowers and vines and things....I guess I could still work that one in....as a part time job....but the season I would have to work is the season I want to play in my own yard....so I doubt that's going to happen. Still, it's a nice dream.

And then you get those dreams you had years and years ago, that you pretty much forgot about and gave up on....and suddenly....out of the blue.....they come true for you and blow your mind!! That happened to me this month....which is what made me think of dreams in the first place.

You see, I was a bonifide nerd thru most of my school days. I was a chunky monkey all thru grade school and I thought it was a good day if when tripping over my own two feet I didn't actually fall completely to the ground...OR if I DID, no one was around to see it and laugh and tell everyone else in the classroom about it so they could all point and laugh too. That pretty much sealed the deal...even when in Jr. High I grew four inches in one year, thinned out and made the drill team. I was still tripping over my own feet...although I did catch the eye of one of the boys and we went steady and got King and Queen of the Spring Formal....mostly because the other couple that was sure to win broke up a couple weeks before the dance. A moment of glory I'll take weather I actually earned it or not!!! Anyhoo...so then it's high school...and I fall in with the fat girls...cause they aren't mean...and with the brain crowd...cause if it wasn't bad enough that I was a klutz and use to be fat...I had to go and be an A student and we all know how nerdy they are!!! So yeah, I was doomed. I did go steady with one guy for a year, but either he never had a class ring to give me, or he lost it...I never got to wear his class ring....you know...all big and huge on your finger and sized down with colored yarn. Oh man how I wanted one of those. Oh I had my own class ring....but I wanted to be the girl that had the HUGE one on her finger with yard, and the big ass letter jacket thrown over her shoulders after the game....Okay...sounds silly now, but back in the day it was something I wanted so bad I would have died for it....yeah, teenage girls and all the drama.....anyways...so I graduate and move on in my life...I forget all about the class ring and it becomes something tucked away in the forgotten history chapters of my life. And then...last weekend......it happened.....Somebody gave me his class ring!!!!! Here I am, not quite 50, but I can spit and hit it from here....and I now am the proud keeper of this amazing huge class ring. And not from some punk I swiped it off of either!!! He actually let me keep it for him!!! :)

Who is this fool, you ask? It's the eldest child of my buddy Happy!! He is this amazing man who I can't help but flirt with when ever I see him, cause he is just so awesome....and he has this overflowing sense of humor....no big surprise seeing as who raised him!! Anyhoo...I can remember teasing him to no end when he first got his class ring and showed it too me at a basketball game....and I started in on him right then and there that if he didn't have a girlfriend, he should let me wear it cause that's the only reason you get a class ring in the first place...and he couldn't be all uncool and not give it to some girl....and like I was better than any of the little tarts he was in school with and yadda yadda yadda...on and on....but he'd just laugh and me and tell me no... It was just one of the silly little jokes we always shared. He was my kid of Fascination...yeah, I don't think there is any other way to put it. Cause when you walk up to him, confined to his wheelchair, with his body curled and watch him struggle to hold something in his hands...you think his mind will be confined and struggling as well...and it was always such a shock and such a kick ass rush to start up a conversation with him and find this incredible mind within that body. More wisdom and maturity and humor than any of the kids he went to school with....even if he could have got up and walked away from the wheel chair, I still think he would have been an outsider, cause of that incredible MIND...he was just way above the other kids his age...and I would love to go somewhere and see him there cause I knew I was gonna enjoy the shit out of talking to him and teasing him about that damn ring!!! So this past weekend he shows up at a gathering I had at my house, and I am just loving catching up with him...I don't ever get to see him anymore...and it was awesome to meet his girlfriend too...and we are just shooting the breeze about his plans for life and what we've been up too...and suddenly he remembers all the times I teased him about that class ring....He doesn't even wear it anymore...it was in the console of Happy's van for crying out loud....you know how it is...once you graduate high school, everything high school becomes outdated and juvenile...no matter how much money your parent's blew on it...and you want no part of it any more...and Mr Fascination has been our for five or six years or more...so yeah, it wasn't a prized possession...and he decides...out of the blue, that he's going to let me have his class ring now. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!!! NOW?? After all these years...I FINALLY FINALLY have a guys class ring!!! And its beautiful too!!! It has a big green stone in the center...green is my FAVORITE color ya know!! And it has JESUS on one side, and his favorite cause on the other...one that got him handcuffed to a chain link fence in Washington DC...how COOL is that!!!!! Any ways...YEAH!!!! I finally got one!!!
No I don't wear it...I'm old now...remember the reason thing???? And I'd die if I lost it!! It's special to Happy...and eventually I'm gonna give it back to her for safe keeping...so she can bring it out and show Mr Fascination's son some day...but for now...IT'S MINE!! ALL MINE I SAY!!! MUUUUWHHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....(my evil laugh)

So how bout that...sometimes...dreams really do come true after all!!! Even if you have to wait on them for 30 years....Yes, I have a 30 year reunion coming up....I still haven't even decided if I'm going....probably not. If I haven't talked to any of the people who labeled me a nerd in all these years, why would I want to now? I think if I got around all of them, some little girl within me would start to feel like that klutzy little nerd again and I'd be tripping all over myself and Mr Fixit would probably think it was time to cut me off!!! Not that I'm all cool and hip now you understand, it's just that I traded in the 'nerd' label years ago for ones like 'crazy' and 'weird' and 'unique'!!! But if I do go...I'M WEARING THE CLASS RING!!!! Yeah Bitches...Look at me NOW!! I got a class ring on my finger and you don't so HA HA HA!!!!!!

Well, the clothesline is calling my name...so...there you have it...the dill pickle 'bout THAT!!!!!