Dreaming.....

I have lots of dreams for my life. I've had some for years. Things I'm going to have, or things I'm going to do...most of them are unrealized...and that's okay, it's still nice to have them. Some of them are too far gone to realize at this point in my life....Don't think they want any flabby women pushing 50 to walk their modeling runways...I don't know why not...we have to buy clothes too ya know!! But at this age, most of us are no longer slaves to fashion and we just want the comfortable fit over the latest hottest style. I'm too old for Star Search or America's Got Talent, so I guess the Rock Star thing is probably a no go. I never did enjoy singing by myself anyways, and after all these years of smoking even my Janis Joplin sounds more like ....oh CRAP!! Brain fart....Now I can't even bring up the guy's name...He sang at Woodstock...an old Beatles' hit...With a little help from my friends....Shit shit shit...and he had one hit back in the day...You are so Beautiful to Me.....he always looked like he was having a seizure when he sang. I just loved the guy....now I can't recall his name....well...somebody help me out here so I can slap my forehead and say "I knew that!!" Anyhoo...he had a voice that sounded like he'd been eating gravel for several years....more like resin throat...but you get the idea!! LOL So where the hell was I??? OH yes... no singing career dreams to realize for this old woman.

And then their are the dreams that I waited to long to chase and now I have wisdom/reason and they seem foolish. Like horses. Oh man, I've had that dream since I was a little girl. I was gonna have a leopard Appaloosa gelding...not the brightest breed of horses, but I didn't want one smarter than me...I was looking more for a big dog that would love to meander around with me catching a free ride. Now I am older and thinking about how I'd have to feed and board the horse year round, not to mention the vet and the horse shoe guy and I would enjoy riding this horse maybe four months out of the year. I'm not riding in the winter...screw that!!! It's too cold and I hate the cold....and in the heat of summer....I'm thinking NOT...horseback riding at it's finest is done in spring and fall. And I am too damn cheap...okay...let's say 'thrifty' to pay for 12 months when four will do me. It's the same with the dream for a pontoon boat. Mr Fixit and I have talked about it for years now. It would have a little enclosed cabin on the back end for sleeping and a deck above that....complete with a water slide down off the back of the boat cause...HELL YEAAH!!!!! And we'd have hook ups to pull the kids/grandkids/people we threw off the boat behind us on a tube. But there again...to have one the size we want would mean a bigger truck to put it in and take it out of the lake....and there's the payment and insurance we'd be making every single month and we'd be out on the lake.....maybe 4 months....maybe.....now what the hell!! OR we could rent a slip at one of the marinas and save the expense of a bigger truck...but there ya go...pay for an entire year and you'll be out there.......about 4 months. Nahhhhhhh. We should have jumped at the chances years ago...cause now we have to much reason to blow that kind of dough....Old age and reason is a blessing....and a dream killer too!! LOL

Some dreams are still within my grasp...if I'd just get off my ass and try for them. I still dream of writing children's books...a series I think....I use to take mail order classes from "The Children's Institute of Literature"....sounds impressive don't it!!! But that was back when I was at home full time, running a daycare....pregnant with the Bohemian...and had a long afternoon nap time to be creative and write. Then the Bohemian made her debut, and she wasn't an easy child...so that took up a lot of time...and sleep oddly enough, and I let the classes go...but I still have the dream. Now that I'm an empty nester....I just might have to give it another try...when it gets cold out....and I start dreaming of killing something off cause I couped up in my house all weekend long....yeah....that's still a do-able dream. And I have a dream of working in a greenhouse and using all my take home pay to buy flowers and vines and things....I guess I could still work that one in....as a part time job....but the season I would have to work is the season I want to play in my own yard....so I doubt that's going to happen. Still, it's a nice dream.

And then you get those dreams you had years and years ago, that you pretty much forgot about and gave up on....and suddenly....out of the blue.....they come true for you and blow your mind!! That happened to me this month....which is what made me think of dreams in the first place.

You see, I was a bonifide nerd thru most of my school days. I was a chunky monkey all thru grade school and I thought it was a good day if when tripping over my own two feet I didn't actually fall completely to the ground...OR if I DID, no one was around to see it and laugh and tell everyone else in the classroom about it so they could all point and laugh too. That pretty much sealed the deal...even when in Jr. High I grew four inches in one year, thinned out and made the drill team. I was still tripping over my own feet...although I did catch the eye of one of the boys and we went steady and got King and Queen of the Spring Formal....mostly because the other couple that was sure to win broke up a couple weeks before the dance. A moment of glory I'll take weather I actually earned it or not!!! Anyhoo...so then it's high school...and I fall in with the fat girls...cause they aren't mean...and with the brain crowd...cause if it wasn't bad enough that I was a klutz and use to be fat...I had to go and be an A student and we all know how nerdy they are!!! So yeah, I was doomed. I did go steady with one guy for a year, but either he never had a class ring to give me, or he lost it...I never got to wear his class ring....you know...all big and huge on your finger and sized down with colored yarn. Oh man how I wanted one of those. Oh I had my own class ring....but I wanted to be the girl that had the HUGE one on her finger with yard, and the big ass letter jacket thrown over her shoulders after the game....Okay...sounds silly now, but back in the day it was something I wanted so bad I would have died for it....yeah, teenage girls and all the drama.....anyways...so I graduate and move on in my life...I forget all about the class ring and it becomes something tucked away in the forgotten history chapters of my life. And then...last weekend......it happened.....Somebody gave me his class ring!!!!! Here I am, not quite 50, but I can spit and hit it from here....and I now am the proud keeper of this amazing huge class ring. And not from some punk I swiped it off of either!!! He actually let me keep it for him!!! :)

Who is this fool, you ask? It's the eldest child of my buddy Happy!! He is this amazing man who I can't help but flirt with when ever I see him, cause he is just so awesome....and he has this overflowing sense of humor....no big surprise seeing as who raised him!! Anyhoo...I can remember teasing him to no end when he first got his class ring and showed it too me at a basketball game....and I started in on him right then and there that if he didn't have a girlfriend, he should let me wear it cause that's the only reason you get a class ring in the first place...and he couldn't be all uncool and not give it to some girl....and like I was better than any of the little tarts he was in school with and yadda yadda yadda...on and on....but he'd just laugh and me and tell me no... It was just one of the silly little jokes we always shared. He was my kid of Fascination...yeah, I don't think there is any other way to put it. Cause when you walk up to him, confined to his wheelchair, with his body curled and watch him struggle to hold something in his hands...you think his mind will be confined and struggling as well...and it was always such a shock and such a kick ass rush to start up a conversation with him and find this incredible mind within that body. More wisdom and maturity and humor than any of the kids he went to school with....even if he could have got up and walked away from the wheel chair, I still think he would have been an outsider, cause of that incredible MIND...he was just way above the other kids his age...and I would love to go somewhere and see him there cause I knew I was gonna enjoy the shit out of talking to him and teasing him about that damn ring!!! So this past weekend he shows up at a gathering I had at my house, and I am just loving catching up with him...I don't ever get to see him anymore...and it was awesome to meet his girlfriend too...and we are just shooting the breeze about his plans for life and what we've been up too...and suddenly he remembers all the times I teased him about that class ring....He doesn't even wear it anymore...it was in the console of Happy's van for crying out loud....you know how it is...once you graduate high school, everything high school becomes outdated and juvenile...no matter how much money your parent's blew on it...and you want no part of it any more...and Mr Fascination has been our for five or six years or more...so yeah, it wasn't a prized possession...and he decides...out of the blue, that he's going to let me have his class ring now. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!!! NOW?? After all these years...I FINALLY FINALLY have a guys class ring!!! And its beautiful too!!! It has a big green stone in the center...green is my FAVORITE color ya know!! And it has JESUS on one side, and his favorite cause on the other...one that got him handcuffed to a chain link fence in Washington DC...how COOL is that!!!!! Any ways...YEAH!!!! I finally got one!!!
No I don't wear it...I'm old now...remember the reason thing???? And I'd die if I lost it!! It's special to Happy...and eventually I'm gonna give it back to her for safe keeping...so she can bring it out and show Mr Fascination's son some day...but for now...IT'S MINE!! ALL MINE I SAY!!! MUUUUWHHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....(my evil laugh)

So how bout that...sometimes...dreams really do come true after all!!! Even if you have to wait on them for 30 years....Yes, I have a 30 year reunion coming up....I still haven't even decided if I'm going....probably not. If I haven't talked to any of the people who labeled me a nerd in all these years, why would I want to now? I think if I got around all of them, some little girl within me would start to feel like that klutzy little nerd again and I'd be tripping all over myself and Mr Fixit would probably think it was time to cut me off!!! Not that I'm all cool and hip now you understand, it's just that I traded in the 'nerd' label years ago for ones like 'crazy' and 'weird' and 'unique'!!! But if I do go...I'M WEARING THE CLASS RING!!!! Yeah Bitches...Look at me NOW!! I got a class ring on my finger and you don't so HA HA HA!!!!!!

Well, the clothesline is calling my name...so...there you have it...the dill pickle 'bout THAT!!!!!

Thank God for my Garden!!

I know a lot of folks on anti depressants. How weird is that. Do they actually work? I've always thought medicating your self because you are sad is like putting a band aid on a gunshot wound. After the meds wear off...isn't what ever made you sad in the first place still going to be there? And if you keep medicating yourself...how are you ever going to change the circumstances to something that makes you happy? It doesn't make sense. I can understand how people fall into it....but it still doesn't make sense.

Oh I'm not saying my world is wonderful and happy and I never feel sad. Quite the contrary!! But I have learned some things in all these stressful years that help me muchly....wanna hear 'em? K...read on!!

Well, first off, I guess I should say that I've learned that sorrow is a very unproductive emotion. It happens, but it's not productive. So if I get my feelings hurt...the first thing I tend to do is get mad...now ANGER...THAT is something I can work with....it's a very energetic emotion!! If you get me all pissed off and frothing at the mouth, I am gonna find something to take it out on. Lots of times it's my house....I'll will scrub the ever lovin' shit out of my hardwood floors...pretending it's the face of who ever is pissing me off and by the time I'm all worn out and tired of being mad, my house is usually clean. So see, not only do I feel better for having worked thru my anger, but my house is now clean and I must go out and find a way to treat myself for cleaning house!! :)

Something else that soothes me when I've had a bad day...and they happen more often than not, is my gardens. I understand completely why God walked thru them in the cool of the day. He has a LOT more to get upset over than the things in my trivial little life. Gardening is just so soothing and satisfying. Truly it is!! First off, if you think about it, a lot of what you do gets undone almost as fast as you do it...try getting all the laundry caught up in the evening. Before you go to bed...there's more shit in the dirty clothes hamper. Get all your supper dishes done? Good for you, but don't walk thru the house or by your kitchen sink before bed, cause you are gonna find more shit has accumulated before your fingertips loose the raisin look. I can mop my hardwood floors and they look like hell before the day is thru. But in the garden...oh yes...my wonderful beautiful garden...I can pull weeds tonight, and tomorrow...they will still be gone!!! Oh yeah, they will grow back, but it will take a few weeks and in the mean time, I can walk around and see what I accomplished yesterday or even last week!! There is something that makes me feel well inside by putting things right for growing plants, and they reward me with beautiful blooms or tomatoes or cucumbers or whatever they have to give. And I love it!!

People tend to make my ass twitch. Oh there are many I love and they really do enrich my life, but there are far more that make me want to scream and pull out my hair...or theirs!! Get over it...Grow the fuck up...Nobody cares....You are lying thru your teeth...BITE ME..Are you fucking goofy????!!!!...just a few of the many phrase that roll thru my head on any given day as I stand by someone and vacantly stare at what ever they are saying or doing.....NOT SO IN MY GARDEN!! I have a black snake and many wolf spiders and they love me and come to visit. They don't even cuss me out when I pour water over their webs or in their holes...they just run off to the side and right back once the ground has sucked up the downpour. And they like the water drops on the leaves. We have delightful conversations and they always know exactly what I mean!! And I have Liddy Kitty Cat Dog who always comes out to the garden and rolls in the dirt and purrs and keeps me delightful company...she even gets a good scratching or...twelve and she doesn't care one bit if I have dirt on my fingers when I do it. Now THAT is some quality friendship!! The dogs are always happy to help out in the garden...but the puppies tend to think it's a great idea to dig..and dig and then go dig and they haven't quite gotten the concept of NOT digging up the plants....we're working on it...but if I enjoyed planting it in the first place...I still enjoy planting it again...so those damn digging machines are pretty much off the hook. It's hard to piss me off in my gardens.

So yes, today started off busy and good, but I got everything done and it dragged on and on. The final straw was when the ADHD Queen came in and tried to show me how to print out a report our boss wanted her to do...THIS MORNING...it's now quarter after three and I have 45 minutes I was going to coast thru...or so I thought. By the time she spent a half hour trying to figure out how to get the report so she could show me how to get the report I was frothing..BIG TIME. And she STUNK!! I shit you not...she smelled like BO and I was thinking DAMN GIRL are you so ADHD that you can't even remember to put on some deodorant in the mornings?? Good Lord!!! The deal was sealed when I took the report into my boss and apologized for not getting it to her in the morning...but she didn't ask me...she asked the ADHD Queen and we all know where that leads...and my boss proceeds to get pissed as hell, because I wasn't suppose to do it..the Queen was...she dumped it on me!!!! ALLLLLRIGHTYTHEN!!! It's official...today has gone to shit!! So here I am....waiting for things to cool down a little at my computer...fuming still over the crap that is allowed to go at work...and I know that before this evening is over, all will be well with me and right with the world...I'm heading for the garden. Gonna hook up a Miracle Grow feeder to the hose and feed all my little green babies and when the ground is good and soaked I'm gonna pull the occasional bit of grass or weed growing up and in between all of that I'm gonna have a few beers and I will end this glorious night with a shower and a simple late evening supper. And I will wake up refreshed and ready to head out into a wonderful day.....
which will get all fucked up before it's done...but that's okay...cause tomorrow night, the garden awaits...or maybe I'll walk peacefully in fresh cut grass behind my push mower...which will hum and sing and block out all the noise from the rest of the world and be just as soothing and relaxing...and I can pretend each blade of grass is the head of the fool who pulled my string!!! And when all my irritation is spent....you guessed it...I will have a beautiful yard and/or gardens. And then....yep!!...I'll have to treat myself for a job well done!!

Antidepressants????? LMAO I'll meet you in the garden.....and THAT'S the dill pickle bout that!!

The Trouble with People

I am trying to sit here to blog...but my ass is twitching...don't you hate that!! I was the victim of yet another casual word that wasn't kept and it's like several in a row now from this same person and it's caused my ass to twitch again.

I can sum it up in one word. INTEGRITY. Something I was taught to live by. My folks must of raised me with Stone Age Discipline, cause I sure don't find a lot of that running around anymore. And I...like an out dated fool...raised my kids with those same standards. It's simple really. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Or you could say, Stand my your WORD. Cause today...words don't mean dick!!

What has happened to us? Why can't people just say what they mean. I'm a big girl, I can take it. Give me what you actually are thinking. I'll love you for it. Even if it's cutting me to the bone, I will most assuredly appreciate your honesty. Just say it like it actually is PLEASE!! How did we become a society of mamby pamby folks who need everything sugar coated. If I'm talking to you, you are getting my honesty opinion, sugar withheld. You know where I stand. That's what I want from you. I think it's a fair trade...but instead I get alot of empty words that float off in the air. WTF!!! And if you tell me...'I am going to help you do this on that day'...then you'd better be there to help. Don't tell me what I want to hear when you are looking me in the eyes, and then come up with some lame ass excuse when I need you there. You just can't count on most folks anymore and it's making my ass twitch on a fine and otherwise peaceful Sunday. SHIT!!

It's as if we...adults and wise....have yet to figure out that nothing we agree to prior to an event will be what we want to do when that day rolls around. Of course it's not going to end up being convenient or even fun when it comes right down to it....but if you SAID you'd do it...then get off your lazy inept ass and get it done. It's really that simple. My kids spent some years hating me, but I made them keep their words....now of course they are out of my house and on their own and I can't hold that reign of terror over them and they too have slacked off. It's a bitch when you make plans with one of your adult kids and you have to say Give you your WORD AND STAND BY IT!! But they all know Momma gets pissed as hell if they break it with me!! They got smart and used it against me on numerous occasions, but I always upheld my WORD. They wanted to have a sleep over with some friends and I said sure, ..and didn't specify a number limit...like a fool....cause back in the day...I was on single mom overload most of the time. So the day before the party I'd find out there were 20 girls coming over and I'd have a fit and say, 'that's too many!!'...and they would come back and say...'You never said a limit!!'. True enough, I didn't...MY MISTAKE... Well, alright if you've already invited them all, then they can come, but we are drinking Shasta colas instead of Coke and eating SaveMore chips...but I'll cover it, cause you're right...I said yes and didn't give you a limit'. (you can bet I set limits after that!!) Mom lived up to her word....she expected the same from them!! It was the one point I went postal on working on an AfterProm committee...some of the moms wanted to change up the rules at the last minute as to who could attend and I raised my mighty Integrity Banner and when they pulled a fast one, I told them all to go to hell, I wasn't going to be a part of it...but I still showed up the night before to help decorate for it...cause I told the Decorations Committee Chair I'd be there...didn't want to be....didn't want to deal with those 'Everything has to be MY Way' bitches from hell...but I went and I worked cause I SAID I would. That simple!!

So if you tell somebody that you 'll come help them paint their kitchen on Saturday, I don't give a shit what else comes up that would be so much more fun to do...or how hung over you are from the party the night before...if you said it...get it done. That simple!! Of course we live in an imperfect world and people get sick or break bones or have a family member that ends up in the hospital...there are legit reasons you might have to break your word...but for the most part, it just boils down to the fact folks think they can say whatever and not stand by it.

I guess this would be a good time to say I'm not looking down from on high having never pulled this shit before, but I can say I do make it a point to not let it happen now. And here's the thing, if you are not sure you can commit to it, then SAY THAT!! If you invite me to a house warming party on Saturday that starts early with a paint brush in hand, and I know I have several things to knock out on Saturday...I'm not gonna look at you and randomly say 'Oh sure, I'll be there'. I'm gonna tell you I have a lot to do, but I will try. A definite MAYBE. And then, I really will honestly try to get my shit done so I can come over if I've told you I will try to. Or you can invite me to a candle party and I know straight up I don't have the extra to spend on candles and I'm not going if I can't buy anything and I'll tell you. I'm out of extra play money right now, so I'm not coming. It's simple really. Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

Sooooo, last night we had a gathering at the house. And I had talked face to face with a friend of mine last weekend who is single and told her I had a guy I wanted her to meet if she wanted to and if she was sure she was coming to my gathering, I'd invite him out to. Just let me know what you want to do. And she said she wanted to meet the guy and she would come. I had to pin her down, cause the last four or five times I've invited her to the house for one thing or another she has said she'd come and then never showed....and texted later with....oh yes..you've guessed it...a lame ass excuse. So...she was sure she wanted to meet the guy and she was coming. Great. We get it all set up...the guy knows he's coming out to meet some chick and he shows and ......oh yeah...for like the fifth time running...she's a no show. Now I have to feel bad for the guy...who drove out for a reason. Oh he had a great time...really enjoyed himself...and I think those two would have really hit it off...woman's intuition or something like that...which is why I have been trying to come up with a casual meeting for the both of them since last spring......and I get her WORD that this is what she wants and she is coming and then.....WHAM. Thus the ass is twitching. And now...after years of knowing her...I have to put her in the category of 'can't believe anything she says'. Which pisses me off, cause this is not the way she use to be. What the hell happened? What happened to her integrity? Why does she think our friendship is such a dime store thing that she can lie to me. I don't even want to call her to hear the lame ass excuse...I think it would make me go postal. So...instead...I will sit here and appreciate the folks in my life who give it to me straight and mean what they say. Here's to them....you are most appreciated in this girl's life!! There are just very few of us left....and we need to stick together!!
So.....yeah.....that's the dill pickle about that!!

I don't sit well

It's true, I don't. At this moment, on a lazy Saturday morning...I was up at the crack of dawn seeing Mr Fixit off to work...he has a few hours to put in before it gets hot, and then he kicks off a week of vacation. Fools, Inc. had to take on a field mechanic from Foley's Equipment...fka Martin Tractor to cover his work load while he's gone....that ought to cost them a pretty penny. We are still giggling about that one!! And I would be jealous as hell about his time off, except that he has a list of things to knock out while he's on "Stay"cation...so I'll just go to work and sit at my desk in the A/C while he climbs to the roof and fixes a leak and goes to the basement and puts in some new plumbing and then works on some projects he has set aside til he has TIME to do them....and then for the big Friday finale...we are gonna go move my Gypsy and my Bohemian out of their current rental house and then back into their new one come Sunday. Do we know how to live it up or what?!!!

Anyhoo..I digress....I don't sit well....I have been trying to get out to the patio to enjoy the cool morning, but there was laundry to start, and groceries to put away that I gave up on last night, and I need to clean the house up a little cause I've got folks coming over this evening...and I need to go to town and buy more work jeans for Mr Fixit cause he keeps ripping the crotch out of his and I wont even go into the snide excuse he gives me...it's cause the heat and the sweat and the fact he's dropped some weight and he can't keep his pants up and then he trys to climb on big equipment to work on it and his poor jean crotch seams can not take the pressure....It has NOTHING to do with being unable to cage the mighty monster or whatever the hell he keeps trying to tell me!! Never believe a man who is smiling that wicked 'come hither' smile when he's talking!! Oh yes and I had to get up to feed the kidz ...the four legged ones...who are splashing in the toilet as we speak..HELLO the water bowl is right next to the bathroom door you IDIOTS!! And well yeah...then I had to catch up on all my net accounts cause it's been a few days and just sitting alone on the patio and sucking up the summer morning is not something that's gonna come easy...but it really has to be done...I spent good money on the bird food...I HAVE to get out there and watch them for a while...they are probably waiting on me to feed them too.

But don't fear for me....I have ways to make myself sit still and enjoy it. I have a gathering planned for tonight...to keep me from pouting about not getting to go camping..which I do every year...but not this one....always time for a first I guess....so I am having an I'M NOT CAMPING THIS YEAR party....that's just how I roll. I will be able to sit still and sip my drink and visit with folks and pretend I am at a campsite and all will be right with the world!! But for now...I have a huge list forming in my mind of all the shit I can get done this day...that helps ya know...knocking out a bunch of crap and feeling good about all I've accomplished...then I can sit still and not feel guilty about what I ought to be doing....like I'm doing right now!!! Gotta get!!!
And that's the dill pickle bout that this morning!!!

Random thoughts...to go with the random brain.

It's Sunday morning. So random is the name of the game around here. I was up til after midnight with a sinus headache that kept getting worse...but I was tired enough I just laid there for over an hour thinking I could just fall asleep and not deal with it...no such luck. So at 12:30 I was up taking meds to get the head to drain and stop the pounding...oh yes and the puppies thought that would be a great time to go outside for a pee...works for me...why have summertime if you can't walk around your yard half naked in the middle of the night.

Well, the sinus meds worked so well, that I woke up at 4:30 with cotton mouth...of course the bottled water by the bed wasn't cold enough for me...so it's was back up and to the fridge for a cold bottle...and the puppies...they thought it would be a great time to go out and take a shit. Why not...why have summer if you can't wander around your yard half naked and watch your puppies shit in an area you don't have to clean up. Hallelujah!! And that's when I saw my Water Boy's car in the drive...along with a friend of his..who is also one of my boyz. Maybe them coming in is what woke me up...but I won't be mad...I get to spend some much loved time with both of them...that's always worth a lot of laughter and I don't have puppy shit to clean up first thing this morning!! Double Bonus!! So I wanna talk to all these puppy experts who say a dog will need to take a dump within a half hour after eating...cause these dogs ate supper before 8 the night before....so what's up with that shit??? Literally!!!

Now had I slept in, I would have wondrous and amazing things to blog about, but what's the fun in that?? No I woke up at 6 to the gurgling of the coffee pot...coming from a charismatic background in just the last 10 years...I would say my coffee pot speaks in tongues in the morning. Most people don't understand the language, but I know exactly what that ole gal is saying...and I end up with a strong desire to do a little praising of my own...with a full cup of coffee in my hand of course!! And the puppies??? You guessed it...but it was a glorious morning on the patio with Mr Fixit..who got a kick ass night's sleep and the birds at the feeder...we even enjoyed a little Hummingbird SmackDown match. I have THREE feeders you idiots...must you all fight over one? Apparently hummers have their own version of Who's the Biggest Asshole going on!!

So...random is all I got today folks. I went to our small town's farmers market this Friday afternoon. I wanted some fresh green beans...one of several things I don't attempt to put in my own garden...from the prices they were charging of a single cucumber...I'd say I have $$millions$$ in my garden right now!!! But I wanted green beans for this new recipe I love for Italian Potato Salad...it's the bomb and I wanted to make up a big batch for Mr Fixit's lunches in the coming week and for some friends coming over today. Mr Fixit has a hankering for his baby back ribs....and this potato salad would be perfect...so..off to Farmers Market. Now I have to say, out of the five or six booths there...only one had any vegetables...well, one and a half. What the hell?!!! I thought a farmers market would be all about veggies...apparently not!! It's about bread and jams and crafts and eggs...setting out in 90+ heat..uhmmmm thanks...I'll just take this expensive baggie of greenbeans. And then I went to the local grocery store for the potatoes and onions and a big ole head of cabbage...kinda defeats the purpose of a farmers market in town..doesn't it? My garden? yes, I hit that up too...tomatoes and green peppers and cucumbers going in the potato salad as well...not because the recipe calls for them...because I have them coming out of my butt right now and they will be going into everything I cook. HEY..all the totally cool pancakes have little green pepper pieces in them...just shut up and eat it!! LOL

House cleaning....WHY? Or has my delightful Bohemian would say..."What's the fucking point?" I spent Friday afternoon cleaning my house...floors mopped and looking B-E-A-utiful...dishes done, laundry on the line...bathrooms cleaned. Then Mr Fixit came home, the puppies came in, and the Water Boy showed up yesterday morning to lounge all day in the living room. Guess he needed a break from his dad's house. So I take a stroll around my house yesterday evening after a long day of working my second job and make this monster bowl of potato salad...and realized I really just needed to shut my eyes, grab a beer and head out to the patio. House looks like it's been a month since it's seen a broom. Splatters on the bathroom mirror..which makes the whole room look dirty...I don't care how clean it is, if there's splatters on my face when I'm looking in my mirror...the entire room is DIRTY!!! I'm strange like that...it's the little things in life that make it special, don't ya know!! A new layer of dust over everything in the living room..which happens when you live on a gravel road...actually I miss the love notes my kids would leave in it...dust doesn't bother me at all...splatters on my bathroom mirror make my ass twitch. I did say I was strange didn't I? Okay..just checking. The hardwood floors are covered in puppy prints...kinda of art deco if you look at it just right...but still...what's the fucking point of cleaning it if it's gonna look like hell in 24 hours? Next Friday afternoon I have off..I'm going to hit up somebody with a pool..Fuck this old house and trying to keep it clean. As long as I keep the clutter to a minimal...I'm good!! Life is too short...and as I've had to say countless times before..."There is no point baby...so screw it!!"

I'm pouting. I've gone to the Slough Creek tent camping only campground for the last 15 years and this year it's closed because they have shut down the bridge over the Slough Creek arm of the lake. Son of a Muther!! That's always been my vacation...although it really isn't much of a vacation if you get right down to it. Try dragging three kids, tents sleeping bags, coolers and boxes of food and bags of markers and bikes and you name it out to the lake for a few days. Do battle with the coolers who pop open their lids all damn day long so everything in side can melt, raccoons who will raid the campsite at night and eat ALL your chocolate donuts leaving you in a pandemonium meltdown dash to get more the next morning...gooy marshmallows stuck in your hair...mud in the tents and the occasional poison ivy rash or tic fest. But yeah know, I loved it. Every minute of it...I didn't even mind the mountains of laundry and clean up once we got back home. It was vacation..we got away for a little while and pretended we were gypsies...with Coleman lanterns and cook stoves of course!! And this year it's a no go and a little girl inside of me is having herself a shitfit deluxe. BUT I WANNA GO!!!!!!! To top that off, the lake is up to the point most camping sites still available to me are now underwater...CRAP...no camping for Momma this year...I wonder if I'll even get my fat ass in the lake? I'm toying with the idea of getting a large steel stock tank for the back yard. I don't want the expense and hassle of a pool, cause it would have to in ground and huge and have heated water so I could actually use it for more than a couple months a year...and screw that...I need to many other things to worry about a pool...but a stock tank...big enough to lay on a floating with a couple other people and splash water on yourself....I could almost pysch myself up to thinking I had my own lake in the backyard!! I'd have a killer 'just come from the lake' tan too!! Something to think about!! And I have...$400.00 just to start off with the tank...then there's the dirt to level where I'd want it, and the border around it with ....pea gravel?...concrete with cool looking flat stones pushed in?...something besides grass that would make the water go green in a few days of this heat. And when it did...I'd hook the hose up to the drain and let it drain out on my flowerbeds or some of our new trees!! So it's not like we'd be wasting water either!! Hummmmmm yeah, something to think about for a while!! I'm good like that...thinking it over for a good long while...but I likes the idea so far!!!

Okay..well, enough random...Mr Fixit just had to find my coffee cup for me...bless his heart, now it's my turn to go fill them up. Have a wonderful Sunday being random!!! I am..well, actually it's the best I can turn up for today...but it sounds really cool saying it like I'm CHOOSING to be random cause I want to, cause I can..cause I have other options but I'm not taking them. Yeah, let's all get RANDOM today!!! And that's just the dill pickle bout that!!!

I DID IT!!

So....for the past two weeks...I have been trying to regroup at work. I pay all the bills. That's my job...you can call it accounts payable, or you can call it the bill department or you can call it a fricken living...but that's what I do and I love my job...I really do. Well....after Fools, Inc. was bought out last fall...things have been changing and we just don't buy all the random CRAP we use to...which means my job had been a lot less time consuming than it use to...so I filled it with computer games and facebook and what ever I could to keep me from pulling my hair out or biting the bitches I work with....NOT that all the women there are bitches..some are awesome down to earth women I admire and respect and enjoy being with...but some of them....well, let's just say it's best if they aren't walking down a dark alley when I'm behind the wheel...okay...nuff said.
SO anyhoo...one of these women...who needs to make sure I'm not driving down that dark alley is so ADHD that she is no earthly good to anyone was in charge of fuel tracking and was never making her deadlines. (This may be the time to state that while I am totally against crack head moms taking their kids meds for a high...THIS would be the woman I would be in favor of doing just that...seems her kids are ADHD as well and on patches or meds or whatever and SHE should be jumping in on some of that along with all the other meds she takes that make it an impossible dream for her to sit at her desk and do 8 hours worth of work). Now I did mention that this company was FAMILY owned right? So if you are friends with the FAMILY...you can get a paycheck there for NOT doing much of anything. That's how that works...or at least it does for the time being...we'll see how well that shit flys when the new owners take a good long look at what is going on it the office......So anyways...they see how I always meet MY deadlines and I am a dedicated worker...and they decide I...ME...MYSELF..should do the fuel tracking....so I am SUPPOSE to train for it...beginning the LAST FUCKING WEEK OF JUNE...but actually what happens...is MS ADHD dumps pretty much the ENTIRE MONTH OF JUNE on me and I am left keying in fuel purchases for every fricken piece of equipment this company has...which is a LOT and trying to close out June in my job as well. Oh it was a joy ride to say the least. I had to set anything that could wait aside in A/Ps and work on fuel......
But today...I caught up COMPLETELY!!!! I have all the fuel caught up from July and all the A/P's done!! I have new fuel files made and I am on TOP OF IT!!!! I am really proud of myself. I am still trying to figure out all this crap...because I didn't get much training....I don't think this woman is capable of it....and having figure out as much of it as I have...I am redoing most of it, just so it makes sense and I can keep track of what the hell is going on.... It's been a joy ride to say the least...but I have conquered it!! Cause that's who I am!!!

And last night was just an amazing time with my buddy HAPPY...who came over with her totally awesome 3rd son and made the evening a special event!!! And tomorrow I get to take off early and spend some quality time with my Gypsy girl...which is long overdue. Oh look!!! Life actually works out sometimes!!! How cool is that??!!!!
So...that's the dill pickle bout that in my world!!!

Now if I could just get a fricken comment or two...life would be complete!!! :)

Recouping from an Emotional Hernia

I am oh so proud of myself this afternoon...sitting here...rewarding myself with a Coke in the a/c at the computer...just til it cools down a little...I have some red columbines to plant that I dug up from my mom in law's yesterday....it will be soothing to play in the gardens and get some dirt under my nails and well...just breathe after today.

I have some really shitty hateful nasty history behind me. And that's a good place for it. BEHIND ME!!! But today was one of those rare occasions when it all was thrown back in my face tenfold and I had to sit there and be polite and smile. I hate that shit!!!!! But I was a good girl....even though it cost me....an emotional hernia!!

See, I was friends with this woman with four girls who was, unbeknownst to me, a professional back stabber. She brought her kids to my daycare back in the day and all was good...until she started sleeping around with my recent ex-husband. Now the sleeping around part didn't bother me at all....I was soooooo over him. I really could have cared less. It was all the lies and bullshit and pot stirring she pulled in the process. She had my ex and I so pissed off at each other we couldn't even communicate...and it was all a bunch of lies. He moved in with her and her four...like he didn't even spend time in the house with his three when we were married??? And then they got married and she turned his entire family against my kids in one form or another....It was a hateful drawn out mess. At one point in time my oldest. My Gypsy, decided she couldn't tolerate the bullshit and she stopped going to her dad's house all together. Considering she spoke her mind in a most bullheaded fashion....just like her momma...and he got violent with me...I decided to back up my Gypsy girl and not make her go anymore. If he'd have put a mark on her, I'd have had to kill him. He turned his back on his kids and took this hateful woman's side every time...right up til he caught her cheating on him....bout fucking time you idiot, the whole county knew about it before you figured it out. And then they got divorced, but she still lived at the house for a while and they still slept together for a while and geezzzz who gives a shit now that my kids are out of the mix!! At one point in time...they were getting into knock down drag out fights and calling the cops on each other and one of them would be hauled off to jail, and a couple weeks later...they would be back together and a couple more they'd be back to fighting again.....I found it all quite humorous after everything my kids and I had been thru.

In all of this, my middle daughter, the Bohemian, and the bitch's second child became friends...kind of like two kittens huddling together in the midst of the maelstrom...and the friendship still stands to this day. So the Bohemian's friend got knocked up and the bitch and her even bitcher mother (yeah, she treated my kids like shit at Christmas when they were forced to go to her house and watch the bitch's kids open up tons of expensive gifts while they got little to nothing...how do people play those fuck up games????!!!!!) put on a baby shower today. Of course my Bohemian was invited and the daughter..well, she was in my day care for a time and one of my baby's good friends so of course she's in my heart and we talk often over the net...I was invited too. WELL JUST FUCKING GREAT!!! Now I had no problem going to the baby shower for the new mommy. I am delighted for her almost as much as I am delighted it's her and not my daughter about to have a baby at the tender age of 20. But I had to sit there, smiling...pushing my self control to the point of breaking..to keep my mouth shut at all the things that came to mind to shout at that bitch. For all the times she hurt my kids...for all the knives she stuck in my back...for all the bullshit she caused in our lives. And I had to sit there and smile like none of it happened for the sake of her daughter...who deserved a nice baby shower without me beating the ever-lovin shit out of her mother. So I guess it's okay to pull all kinds of crazy bullshit and act like a psycho...cause in the end...everyone still has to be nice to you for the sake of the kids. The whore actually came up and tried to hug me when we first got there. Oh I don't fucking think so. You keep your nasty little knife welding hands off me!!! I have enough scars in my back to last a lifetime...thank you very much!!!

And then there was the other grandma who attended the shower. The daughter's dad's mom. A matriarch of the small town she lives in...or so she thinks. Back in the day I rented a house just a few doors down from her after I divorced the kid's dad and ran my daycare....which I had for years....but she didn't want her four granddaughters going to my daycare...she wanted them to go to her other daughter in law's house who also ran a daycare....so she pulled shit every other week and called me in on some of the most random bullshit I've ever heard in my life. And the health department would come out and find out it wasn't true...but of course, job security..they'd look to find something wrong to write me up about...like my aluminum foil wasn't in a locked drawer...or my discipline policy wasn't posted in a good spot...or I couldn't PROVE my puppy had been wormed. Stupid shit that has nothing to do with the quality of care of the kids there. That went on the entire time the bitch was in a long and drawn out divorce from the grandma's precious lazy ass son. I think the whole family got involved at one point in time and took turns calling. It was never one of my parents calling...just some random anonymous caller trying to do the community a good deed. Oh fucking bite me!!! And of course they were all there as well today...all smiles like they aren't the fucking assholes I know they have been to me in the past. Like we can sweep it all under the rug and they aren't held accountable anymore for the shit they stirred years ago against me and mine. Well...here's a little news flash. What goes around comes around folks...if you haven't got your's yet...it's still coming!!!!!

Soooo anyhoo. I sat there...smiling...watching the new mommy open her gifts and gritting my teeth. There are times I amaze myself at my own self control. I must have it in spades. It was painful to be sure...thinking back to all that crap that I kept remembering sitting in that little backassward town community building...but I did the Swan dance I would be famous for if I wasn't so fucking good at it. Calm and collected on the surface...paddling like a mutherfucker under neath. And I knew I was giving myself an emotional hernia. I knew I was carrying too much hurt and pain and weight from the past. But I went and I sat there and I smiled at the new mommy and her boyfriend...Mr New Daddy...and I hugged them as soon as the gifts were opened and got my ass outta there. I'm not sure how the Bohemian faired. She drove her own car and she's a big girl...she brought a friend along who was also friends with the new mommy, so she had back up. I came straight home and began the recuperation process. I'm safe once again in my own little paradise with my dogs and cats and flowers. All the shit from the past is now safely back in the past....cept for this little hernia bubble...which I will work thru playing in the dirt as soon as my flowerbed is back in the shade. It was a sucky time...but I survived, and I didn't draw blood...even though I would have been well within my rights to have done so. I was the bigger person...I guess. I'm just pissed as hell my Gypsy didn't come with me...cause I figured we could be each other's back up. She was smart and pulled out before she suffered any damage. I'm thinking I should follow her example more often!!!

Oh Look!!! It's 5:15...medication time!!! Probably have to drink an extra one tonight...I have earned the treat and I do have this EMOTIONAL HERNIA!!!! Wonder if I could get a couple sick days for that??? Nah...I got to much to do battle with in the coming week to pull a mental health day now. So yeah...that's the dill pickle bout that!!

Another fine round of Who's the Biggest A-Hole!!!

Okay...so it's been a really shitty week. Work was overwhelming for many reasons...but that will pass and I'll be back in the grove shortly...and Aunt Flo is hanging around for the weekend, so I feel like hell, but the day itself has been restful and restoring. We spend the day with Mr. Fixit's mom..who was born and raised in England...so I LOVE talking with her..and she and I played in her flowerbeds spreading a dozen bags of mulch over all her flower beds and weeding. Well, I worked...she sat in a lawn chair and kept me company and that arrangement suits both of us beautifully...Mr Fixit?...he was fixing stuff...DUH??!!!!! And then we got home and rushed around and went to a little patio dinner party with some friends and that was really peaceful as well...I still feel like shit, but the company and the surroundings are wonderful. Mr Fixit enjoys the evening as well...maybe a little too much...no biggy...I was sipping ice tea and Coke with all the Advil I was popping so I'll drive home. Nothing but a thing folks.

And then the game begins...you know the one I'm talking about?!! It's the game all male, testosterone bearing, brain damaged men get involved in at one point in time or the other. You could call it "Who has the biggest balls" or maybe "Who can act more brain dead", but I prefer to call it a game of Who's the biggest asshole. A contest actually...and we all know how competitive males can be!!

We are driving down N Topeka Blvd..in front of the Pad....an all time favorite hang out of mine in years gone by...and this jerk off in a red Ford Ranger suddenly darts into our lane from the other just missing our truck...I'm behind the wheel of Mr. Fixit's BABY, you remember...and the other car in the other lane. Now who the fuck does this little dick weed think he is??? Tony Stewart? Dale Jr? Some awesome NASCAR driver in his own little brain damaged mind? ONE POINT in the ASSHOLE GAME. He's an asshole...oh shit...let the games begin!! SO NOW..Mr Fixit is pissed as hell at the guy who just about ran into our truck and he...having consumed his favorite elixir to the point he is not feeling any pain is hanging out the window screaming at this fool when we catch up to him...pulling into the parking lot between Pizza Hut and Hardees just before the clover leaf. I am being shouted out to pull in behind him...but me...I have other plans...Like can we just get the fuck home so I can wind down..play with my puppies and other beloved four legged children and have a few beers now that the dozens of Advil I have consumed have finally kicked in and I actually feel like having a few!!! Besides...hanging out the window shouting cuss words at a brain damaged person...even though I have done this myself on numerous occasions is also ONE POINT in the ASSHOLE GAME...so the score is now even...GREAT!! Call it a draw, this chick is headed home!!! I take the ramp onto 24 and we are heading east...HALLELUJAH!!

But no...this jerk off in the red ford can not allow the score to be tied. He follows us and just about the time the highway turns to 65 mph, he comes flying by again, whips right in front of us and slams on his brakes...you do still remember I am behind the wheel of Mr Fixit's precious BABY right?? SO I have to slam on the brakes...sending my cooler slaming into the back of our cab and just missing this truck with the new leading point holder in the Who's the BIGGEST ASSHOLE game. I'm pissed now..but not really interested in playing this game... I hate to start in when there are already points on the board...so I whip around this TWO POINTS game leader and floor the truck...let's get a little space between him and us while I am behind the wheel, shall we??? But NO...Mr Fixit..you remember him right?? Feeling no pain...and now really really pissed off...hangs out the window and tells this guy something about his momma driving better blindfolded...or some shit like that...and I'm pretty sure there was some name calling...but the real point is.....TWO POINTS for Mr Fixit...now the score is tied again...well FUCK!!!! So I am flying down the highway now...and here comes that little son of a bitch again...passing two other vehicles in his apparently usual NASCAR weaving style and he comes up on our right side and throws something out his window which hits Mr Fixit's truck...OH GOD NO...you did NOT just touch his BABY. .......Now at this point in time...we have determined it was a beer can and from the sound of it, it was full...so we have a delima here..cause I'm thinking throwing something at a car going down the high way is another point in the Who's the BIGGEST ASSHOLE game...but a FULL BEER???? I'm trying to get home to be able to kick back and drink one and you are wasting a full one throwing it at somebody on the highway???? DUDE!!! You are fucking goofy!!! That HAS to be yet another point, doesn't it? Shit...now he's up to FOUR points in the game...
Well Mr Fixit is beside himself...thinking there has got to be some big ass dent in his precious truck and foam is now being spewed all over the cab of the truck from his rapid mouth and he is looking for something to beat the living shit out of this fool and demanding I follow this little prick on some high speed chase as the little truck has zoomed off ahead of us. Well Mr "I'm two points ahead in WHO'S THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE game" gets off the highway at K4 and heads north...I....on the other hand am a girl on a mission...Get my fat ass home while I still feel like less than warm shit and have a few beers and wind it down..so I am not about to follow this little weasel to what ever shithole he crawled out of...even if Mr Fixit will not speak to me for the rest of the night for making him loose the Who's the Biggest Asshole game. I continue on down the highway and tell the ole man I can't believe he made me a part of his stupid ass game in the first place. Kill the fucking prick some other time my love, but NOT when I'm with you...Momma don't play the Asshole game!! Got it??!!!!!!
Sooooo we make it home without any other contestants challenging Mr Fixit to yet another manly man game of Who's the Biggest Asshole and low and behold his precious baby...has he pours over the entire side of his truck, has no marks...no dents....no scratches........and I'm thinking Congrats you incompetent piece of shit...that would be POINT FIVE and you have won the game!!! You throw a full beer at a truck and can't even leave a mark? What kind of lame piece of shit are you?? This GIRL could hit a highway sign at 55 miles an hour with an empty beer bottle and shatter it every time and you can't even fuck up a truck with a full beeer? Oh you really are a worthless excuse of a male aren't you honey....go home and see if the ole lady will get your balls out of the dresser drawer so you can hold them for a little while this evening!!

And before you get all judgemental on me...I was NOT slowing down to hit the sign...on the right side of the road...from the left side driver window...back in the day the speed limit was 55 on the highways...Yes...once upon a time the govt thought up this great scheme that sounded like they were concerned with the economy and the fuel shortage, but was really a way to generate more money in tickets and court costs because no fool in their right mind can drive down a smooth stretch of highway at the creeping speed of 55 mph...hell I have trouble keeping it under 75 as it is!!! But that's a whole 'nother story for a 'nother time!!!

So...after the week from the seventh realm of hell at work...and the delightful visit of my sweet sweet Aunt Flo...I got to enjoy a robust game of Who's the Biggest Asshole...and although Mr Fixit did join in this game...which he usual does NOT, and why we are still together...he did not WIN the game...which is GREAT, cause I HATE going home with an ASSHOLE WINNER!!!
And finally I am calm.....Advil still working...puppies asleep at my feet....big blue eyed cat in my face helping me key....he'd be more help if he went and got me another beer!!! And once again peace has resumed over my world...and THAT..my wonderful readers....is the dill pickle 'bout that!!! Smoochies....time for one more and put a couple limes down the neck for me will ya?!!!!

Big Pant

I have finally found the secret to feeling thin and beautiful...it's simple really...BUY BIG ASS PANTS!!! I should market it on Ebay and make my millions. I'm serious. I have all these summer capris I have bought over the years...most at garage sales and on clearance racks in late fall....and they are all a little big on me. All those short cargo pants are not really form fitting..they are loose in the seat and the legs...and I wear them around work all day...pulling them up cause they are all cut below the waist these days...and I feel all this ROOM in my drawers and I'm thinking...YEAH BABY.....This ass is little!!!!! It's such as awesome feeling!!! Every woman should enjoy this moment in time!!!

I can be contemplating bashing some twit's head in with my heavy duty stapler and then decide my coffee is cold and get up to walk to the kitchen area to get a fresh cup...and the walk allows my big ass to breath in all this extra space in my capri's and suddenly...I'm feeling generous and ready to give the dumbass twit from the seventh realm of hell another hour to breath!!!! It's truly amazing!!! Something about having to give the ole waistband a tug up to keep from looking all 'getto boy- pants on the ground' like is just the most uplifting feeling and a woman might just be able to see the bright side of life and allow the idiots at Fools, Inc to live for another day!!! Even after they have just tried to 'help' her finish a new report they are supposedly training her for...and she ends up loosing an hour and a half of work....if she can just grit her teeth til she gets up and walks to the coffee pot...she can find the strength to redo the report just lost...and allow said fucking jerk off to live...and feel young and thin in her baggy pants.

I'm telling ya...go out right this minute and by some baggy pants for work. It could save some body's life!!! I'm just saying is all!! Ya gotta make some big ass choices in life for the sake of all the FOOLS out there....and THAT'S the dill pickle 'bout THAT!!!!

I survived the work week and will not being going to prison for murder...yet!!!!!!....Glory to GOD!!!!! :P

Deadlines and Dickheads

Can you relate? I knew you could. I'm thinking of calling the company I work for Fools, Inc. My fellow blogger Sassy has already taken Company X. Pretty catchy!! But Company XYZ just doesn't bring to focus what I deal with. I work with fools...many of them...and for staying on and putting up with the shit, I'd have to say I am one as well. Yes Fools Inc. it is!!

Work has been a madhouse of insanity for the last two weeks. What was I thinking? I agreed/force the hand/demanded to take on a new project to keep from dying of boredom. What I got was an entire month of procrastination on the part of the girl who was suppose to be doing it. I was thinking I'd start training on it the first week of July. What I got was the entire mess of all of June dumped in my lap when I was trying to gear my own job up for closing out June and payables for the 10th of the month. For those of you who don't understand accounting...I pay the bills...most of which are due the 10th of the month after they were charged. Which makes the 10th run a BIGGIE!! Add a whole lot more keying into that week to catch something up you are suppose to be TRAINING on and you get some stress...and balls to the wall rush rush rushing to get everything done...from 6:50 when you walk thru the door thinking you'll grab a cup of coffee and get settled...FUCK THAT!! To 4:00 or later when you finally run screaming from the building. What a nightmare. I'm exhausted...I'm frustrated..oh and yes...Aunt Flo came by today to cheer me on....God love her!!! (I hate that bitch!!)

Sooooo...I am way beyond disgusted with the work place right now...and I still have one more day to get thru. Will I survive? Or more importantly...will the next fool who walks in my office with something that has to be done RIGHT NOW survive? I do have several blunt instruments on my desk I have been dreaming of using to rearrange some skulls in that place :) It's a pleasant thought...it keeps me from pulling out handfuls of my hair and screaming hysterically.

The problem isn't the deadlines...I'm use to that..and I can meet them. I always do. It's the dickheads in my work space. You add a dickhead to a deadline and you'll have my ass twitching in no time!! We have to many women who don't do their jobs and then the management gets upset and instead of doing something about the lazy assholes they simply reassign the work load. So some of us are diligent and do our work and meet our deadlines and earn our check. And some of us are the boss's friends and don't do a whole lot of dick. It's just one of the many joys of a family run business. Are you friends with the 'family'? YOUR HIRED!! Qualifications? Don't need any!!! Do a job to earn your check? Not Necessary!!! I wonder how I ever got hired on there having never known any of them prior to working there. Some of us must actually have the skills to get a place in line is all I can figure.

Anyhoo...that's why I am a blob this week. I get home and can't remember my name. Or what to feed my family. "Baby do you want the meat in the can with the big dog or the two puppies? What? Okay...I'll get a beer for me too!!" It will get better...and I will have this new project whipped into shape within another week and running smoothly. Cause that's what I do. SO WHY STAY THERE? Well, I do make a really decent wage...or it was in 2008 when I got my last cost of living raise. And it's like all of 2 miles from home...I love that about it. I can wear jeans in the winter and capries in the summer and most of those I have picked up second hand. I don't have to slap on make up or prove myself anymore. My boss knows what I can do and leaves me alone...which is all good. I have my own office and I can tune everyone out...and usually do!! So I will stay...and bitch bitch bitch when things get ugly....like they have been for the past two weeks....which is almost over!! I can do this...I can make it thru one more day!!

I love my job and the deadlines. I hate the dickheads at my job. And that's the dill pickle 'bout that!!

UPDATE: I now have two more patio umbrellas on the back patio and Mr Fixit arranged them in a manner that allows us to sit outside in the rain on our patio and stay dry!! Problem solved!! He even fired up the grill and cooked me steaks!! Gotta love him when he's the man with the plan!!

Let the Bitching Beg.....Continue

So it's another raining day off. Not that I mind overly much. I have a yard filled with flowerbeds and a veggie garden and dragging a hose is not my favorite thing to do, but I certainly enjoy it more than shoving snow!!! Living in our rural community we have more minerals in the water than the vitamins you buy at the store. To say our water is hard is quite the understatement. I'm sure if you collect the crap coming thru out water line you could create a tool to cut diamonds. We have a softener on the the kitchen spicket, but we still have to replace the coffeepot a couple times a year. So the rain is always so much better for everything green in the yard. And it's a good and wonderful thing...truly.....having said that....

I can't fucking believe it's raining yet again on my last damn day off!!!!! So I am stuck in the house...just like I was all winter...cabin fever is threatening to raise it's ugly head. Someone could die today.....Mr Fixit is looking nervous...it's only 8:30am.
And he knows this is all his fault...as is all that goes wrong around here. He wears is well. Must be a male thing. I have been bitching non-stop now for a covered patio....it would be okay if it rained if I could just sit outside and enjoy it. There are still idiot birds that come to the feeders during the rain, you can still see the flowers...it's almost like a sunny day....just let me get my fat ass out to the patio and be OUTSIDE. Not sure why that's such a big deal with me. It's just one of those typical shithead hangups I carry around. Outside is better. PERIOD.
And I'm married to Mr Fixit. Surely he can fix this for me...right??!!! Just a simple covering would work....but no...not for Mr Fixit...he has these elaborate plans to build this huge ass wooden deck with railing and roof and extend it out to the first set of flowerbeds with a special place for his grill and places for me to hang flowering baskets and good God Almighty let's just build the fucking Taj Mahal!!! So of course as time goes on he thinks of more and more things to add and he is just waiting for the money to roll in so we can afford to build this mighty beast of his dreams. Yeah right!!!

Now lets regroup a little shall we. The patio I speak of is old concrete that has huge cracks running thru it. Has been since I bought the place in 2000. I'm talking cracks people...I have wave petunias that grow up in them from the flower planter being placed over the cracks in years past. And the patio table?...it's an old wooden spool he dragged home from work and I have covered with the finest vinyl tablecloth Walmart can carry. It even comes complete with the hole in the center for the umbrella...which just barely covers the table and keeps a whole complete HALF of you dry should it be raining while you are sitting there. Our patio furniture? Why it's elaborate recycled plastics chairs...which are actually a pretty comfy sit....and we have a swing on a frame and a glider which never...and I mean never get used unless we have company and need more seats. So....I'm sitting here thinking if you build this huge beast of a wooden deck out here...we would have to go for better furniture....to look better with his plans for a light overhead with a ceiling fan and possibly screens. SO how BIG is this money roll that is supposedly coming???? Yeah. Can I just get my fucking patio covered before I'm too old to wheel my damn chair out there please?!!!!!

It suddenly occurred to me that once upon a time, I was a single mom who got shit done. Honest! I made it happen!! I'm going on line to look at prefab coverings right now!!! It's okay Mr Fixit. You can dream your big dreams...I'll just get the patio covered for the time being in our usual cheap-ass-this will work til we can afford better style...just to hold us over until you can afford to build your pie in the sky. Oh look honey....the puppies just shit by the patio door again. How precious!! I love being coupped up inside!!!!

Well....that's the dill pickle 'bout that!!!!

Here I am!!

Welcome to my first attempt at blogging. Why you ask? Why not!!
For several reasons actually. It's Sunday and I am stuck inside due to the rain. Because the facebook status line only allows you so many words before it shuts you down and I HATE that!!It was suggested to me by a friend who is also a blogger and hey, when a friend suggests you try something you really ought to. If they are a friend, they have your best interest at heart...or they want to get a good laugh at your expense....either way, it should be fun. And finally the biggest reason....I am inspired...yes..can you believe it?!!....in this day and age...I have found inspiration on the internet by my two favorite bloggers. Okay..so they are the only two I follow, but I know there are others I will get to when I get more time....OH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, so the very first one is a woman I've known for years and years and always enjoyed laughing with. She is too damn happy...and thus I will refer to her henceforth (pretty cool how I used a big literary word like that huh?!!) henceforth as Happy. Yes, she is a direct decendant of one of the seven dwarfs. I'm not sure how that happened, but ya know Snow White did live with all those guys for a while and hey...shit happens. She is the type that sees rainbows in rainstorms and smiles at the world to the point you'd like to slap her except that she makes you feel good with all her overflowing optimism and joy. I'm sure she has little animated birds alight on her finger as she sings in her kitchen each day....it's a Disney thing...I can't explain it here on the net. The second of my two favorite bloggers is a woman of my own sarcastic heart. I'm sure she would find, if she searched it out, that she and Paul Lynn are third cousins, twice removed.(What ever the hell that's sopose to mean) If you look up 'sassy' in the dictionary...it's a picture of her...and there fore I shall continue to refer to her as Sassy...cause she takes it to a new level and keeps me LOLing...I mean really, not just keying in L-O-L, but laughing to the point of tears here in my home office at all her thoughts on life. We tend to wear the same dandylion colored glasses and our worlds tend to look the same to us!!

Okay, so I have to give credit where it's due...I'm all about blowing your horn if you deserve it. So about my title. I stold it from my eldest child. She has always been the story teller in the family...it came in handy when she got caught...and she will to this day...launch into an elaborate detailed account of how it came that she was late to work/out of money in the middle of the month/sitting in a car that won't start/bailing a friend out of jail. And when she's done and has made her case to the point you can't remember what the hell you were talking about in the first place, she will say "So, that's the dill pickle about that mom." It's rather catchy. She has me asking right out....so what's the dill pickle on this deal? It's her coined phrase and I'm taking it as I have rights to all she has, or will ever have, since I gave her life. That's one of the perks of motherhood. Besides I TOLD her I was gonna use it and she said that was cool. Well yeah, it's all cool with mom!!! LMAO

So yes, I'm a mom of three adult children now. Let me give you the run down. The eldest is 22 and has been bouncing on her butt, out on her own since the ripe old age of 18 when she flew out of here like her ass was on fire. In her defense, I was overly protective and trying to be the perfect mom. She has since broke me of that and now I settle for being informed prior to the newest crisis about to happen. She lives her life by the seat of her pants and hasn't the slightest fear about jumping into things without a second thought. Carefree and happy and living a life I was never brave enough to try. She is my little gypsy...and so I'll call her that...The Gypsy of my brood. College was a big letdown for her and she left it after her first year. She charms business folk out of big tips at a high end resturant in the college town she lives in and paints these pictures that amaze me still...and I've been watching her for years!! She sells art work and does murals and lives her life covered in paint or a server apron and is always to upbeat and happy. Yeah, she's my little gypsy....she scares the crap out of me with her life style and lack of planning, but she does check in now and again and still has me laughing with her. She taught me a lot about being a mom. Poor kid had to take all the heat and pave the way for the other two coming up behind her...they should pay her royalties for making things much easier on them by way of wearing me out!! Bless her little gypsy heart

So then there is my second born. A beautiful blue eyed little girl who took her first breath as a perfectionalist. Always trying to be as good as the sister two years older than her. She has a much more cautious nature that I can relate to better. Let's just say she doesn't scare me....as much, with her life choices. Since the early high school years her catch phrase has been "What's the point?!!!" Usually said in a pissed off tone over something expected of her for school or work or just anything that took up her time. What's the point of learning this subject in school...it has no meaning in life...what's the point of wearing these stupid uniforms, nobody cares what you look like they just want the food they ordered. What's the point in shaving your legs and armpits, it's not even healthy for you. What's the fucking point????!!!!! Most of the time I don't have an answer for her. There is no point baby...now just get it down. Her life goal for a time was to live in a flowerpainted bus and sell hemp jewelry out of the back of it at summer concerts. I have to admit it sounds tempting. She's in college on her own dime to become an enviromental biologist....probably so she can grow her own herb and play with bugs...she enjoys that kind of thing. She is quite the little hippy, I often refer to her as my little Bohemian...so I will call her that on my blog...my little bohemian...bless her heart!!

My third and finally child is a son. I call him my Water Boy. He takes the path of least resistance everytime. Life is a big joy ride for him...he can laugh at anything..even me chewing him out for not putting the milk away or leaving his dishes in the livingroom/bedroom/bathroom...everywhere but the kitchen sink.. We laugh together more often than not. After the girls and those hormonal swings this house could feel like a war zone, so my little waterboy was a fresh breeze with his laughter and our shared ability to repeat lines from comedies we watched a dozen...hundred times or so. The girls got to the point they'd hide the movie he was stuck on just to get him off of it. What can I say..it's a gift we share. He is very laid back and laughs at me for foaming at the mouth...usually over something he has done. But he has a good heart, if not the best attitude over the structures of life...he gearing up to join the Air Force this summer so he can learn to be a pilot, or at least go to college in four years on their dime. Good plans...he'll probably due just fine. I just hope he doesn't start laughing at the sargent who is chewing his ass about whatever!!

SO now you've met the kids. I guess I should let you in on the ole man. He's a hoot. We both struggled for years as single parents...I just kept going deeper into debt, he learned how to make meth and lived a good life til it went to shit and he ended up in prison. A place he didn't perticularly care for..so he was quite a humbled person upon getting out. Which is when we met. I remember the day I feel for him. Because I was most certainly NOT going to get invovled with a convicted felon..good Lord, I had standands to uphold and children to set an example for!! He was standing in the framework of a second bathroom he was putting my old farmhouse that I'd scraped together to buy for me and my kids and he had a carpenter belt strapped on and was holding this shower door I had fallen in love with and got for a killer deal and was explaining it wasn't sopose to go in like I wanted it to. And I got sad about that because I didn't want to take it back...I wanted THAT door damnit!!! And he scratched his chin and said "Well, if that's how you want it, then I will just figure out a way to make it work for you." And I heard heart strings twang...no shit!! I really did...my own!! Oh Hell No!!! I can't do this!!! This guy is an ex con for crying out loud!!! But I did, and the shower door still works great seven years later and here we are. If it's broke, he fixes it...which has come in handy with three kids in cars and an old farm house!!! He fell for me, my brats, my pets, my old run down farm house, my family, my world. That pretty much makes him a saint!! Every woman should have a Mr Fixit...but find your own...this one is mine!! Not to mention he has the most comical sense of humor and we spend a LOT of time together laughing. There is no one else I'd rather spend time with, and no other place I'd rather be but out the back door on the patio, looking at the flowerbeds and watching the birds and dogs and cats and sipping a beer with Mr Fixit.

Okay...it's not perfect...but it works for me!!!