I just learned something new yesterday...don't you love that...no matter how old you get, you still can pick up on a new thing or two everyday!! Well, after seven years with Mr Fixit, I learned something new about him. He has a thing for older women. NO SHIT!! And I'm not talking attractive older women with fancy hair and jewelry sitting on a bar stool. I'm talking about our friends MOMs!! LMAO We have several friends whose parents live close and remain very involved in their lives (they would tell you TOO involved) and he seems to have a knack for hitting it off with all of them, especially the moms....he gives them nick names like Viagra Woman and Spanky and teases them shamelessly and they LOVE him for it. He just has a hankerin' for the sassy old gals it seems. Thank God, cause that's what he's ending up with on this end!!! LMAO
We went to a party just down the road from us last night. Beautiful home and yard and lots of good eats. It was the put on by a couple who were celebrating her 40th b-day, but it was actually a surprise party for her brother and his wife, who were celebrating their 10th anniversary. After several drinks we started calling it the Annibirthary Party. LOL It was mainly her family and a few friends and we were lucky enough to be invited and even luckier that Mr Fixit got off from the coal/gravel mines with enough energy to clean up and go.
So we are sitting there in our canvas lawn/camping chairs just enjoying the cool of the evening and the cool of a beer on ice and here comes this old woman with a chair and just plops down between the two of us. She and Mr Fixit start up a conversation...I didn't even recognize her at first, but it turns out she's the mom of the b-day girl and the guy with the anniversary and related to almost everyone there. She has different hair and has dropped a lot of weight since I saw her last, but that was quite a while back. Next thing I know, Mr Fixit has her giggling like a school girl and he's calling her Ridge Runner cause she grew up in southern Missouri by the Arkansas border. Teasing her that one of her legs was shorter than the other and repeatedly offering to go out in the timber and cut her a switch if he gets too out of line. She hung with him the rest of the night, smacking him on the arm like a bad child and laughing herself silly...except for when her husband woke up and the adult kids were to afraid to go into the bathroom to check on him. Old Sassy Mom to the rescue...got the old man who I'm not sure even knew he was at a party out to a chair and sitting down and right back over to Mr Fixit she come a runnin.
Birthday girl put some music on in the garage, cause we had consumed just enough antifreeze to think we could dance together and we are in there cuttin' it up and singing along to 'Sugar', by the Archies....remember that one? No...get the hell off my blog you are far to young to read this shit!!! Any hoo...here comes Mr Fixit, cause he is always up to shake his groove thang and right behind him comes Mom!!! She's in there just a dancin a way with the rest of us. I never laughed so hard in a garage, dancing to old tunes in my life!
I was starting to get worried I may have a little competition getting the old man to come home with me, but about then they loaded the old man up in Mom's car and she looked like she was leaving...but NO...she ran around that party another 10 minutes saying her good byes and getting her hugs...I even GOT TWO!!! And Mr Fixit....well he danced her all the way to the driver's door of the car...giggling like a young school girl and he got a big hug too. I don't think the poor old man waiting in the car even knew he was in a car...or waiting on her. I felt a little sorry for her when she drove off. It was plainly obvious that old gal coulda stayed on longer than all of us and had herself a good ole time. But the old husband had meds to take and she had to put him to bed first. I was glad she had soooo much fun with my Mr Fixit....yeah, I loan him out like that, but only for old women who are very sassy!!
So, the whole evening....while Mr Fixit is flirting and teasing to the limit and laughing that ornery loud laugh he has, I have other family members coming up to me...thanking me profusely for bringing Mr Fixit to keep mom/grandma occupied. Apparently, they have all been sassi-fried many times over by the outspoken, no couth, 'cut to the point and to hell with feelings' old woman. And they are delighted to have somebody there keeping her from getting fussy in everybody's business in front of the entire family. Mr Fixit seemed to be the babysitter of the evening that everybody in the family was delighted to have around. I even got asked to Thanksgiving Dinner with their family...."God yes, bring him to Thanksgiving, we could all eat in peace!!!" OH LMFAO!!!!
Well, yeah, nothing new to me....Mr Fixit has got several old ladies most people don't care for because they are sassy and outspoken and telling you how it is when you don't want to hear it from them, in his back pocket and eating out of his hand. He's got a natural born talent for it I guess...I've seen it go down before, but just never realized how amazingly good at it he really is. He's like a sassy old gal magnet.....which would explain a lot about the attraction I have for him!! Yes it's all clear to me now. I'm gonna have to share him with all the sassy old gals in NE Kansas....but that's okay....truth be told, I kinda have a hankerin' for the old sassy gals myself!! And THAT'S the dill pickle bout that!!!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
See!! I knew this was a bad idea!!!
So, I've mentioned before that the Water Boy, fresh out of high school, has his heart set on the Air Force and being a pilot...after all, he already has those big ass sunglasses that pilots wear, so why not?!!! And he decided early in the summer that he was gonna go into the Air Force office and fill out all his paperwork on August 1st. Sounds like a good firm plan...until I showed him the calender in July and said, uhmmm honey, August first is a Sunday...guess you meant August 1st of 2011...now that will be a Monday and a great day to sign up.....Of course he wasn't biting that one, the little prick!!! So he went in on Monday, the 2nd of August, and filled out two and a half hours of the first basic form...took a simple short version of the tests he will have to take if accepted and allowed the recruiter to make copies of all his 'highly classified' information...namely driver's license, birth certificate, social security card, high school diploma etc. And this oh so professional Air Force Man tells my son that he will be running a background check on him and once that's complete he will get in touch. You see, joining up with the Air Force is a lot more like applying for a job...unlike the army...where if you have the mental and motor skills to open the door to the recruiter's office, you're in Baby!!! So....we wait.........
A week goes by...no phone call....now I'm not worried about the background check and neither is Water Boy...he has no criminal record and no credit score either...the kid's had a checking account for all of two months...so we know there will be no problems there....so I suggest....several times...until I'm yelled at for doing so.....that he call the recruiter and see what the hold up is. FINALLY he does....by now two weeks have gone by...and the guy tells him he's been very busy in training himself and hasn't had a chance to get to the Water Boy's file yet, bet he will as soon as he can get back to the office. Okay...we are on hold....Momma here is not minding that one bit!!! And another week goes by...still no call....and then...three and a half weeks later....he gets...the call......
Mr. Oh so Professional Recruiter had Water Boy's records...ALL OF THEM and his file, and the application that has everything from his entire family's address and phone numbers, in the trunk of his car and SOMEBODY broke into the car and STOLD THEM ALL!!!! So Water Boy will have to come back in and totally redo all of his paperwork...because all of it is now missing...floating out there in identity theft heaven. Well that's just fucking great!!!!!! To say I was foaming at the mouth would be quite the understatement. I'm livid....how dare they carry shit like that around with them...don't they have a clue what ruthless people can do with information like that???? And not only my son's, but there will several other application files in his truck as well!!!
So, Mr Shit Head Pencil Dick Recruiter has to replace his laptop...wonder how much top secret information he had on that?!!!! And he sets up an appointment with my son for the following Friday....which he cancels out on again...cause he can't get his shit together apparently....but he finally emails the application form....all 38 pages of it...which we have to print out. And then Water Boy gets the delightful task of of refilling it out. In the mean time, I am harping at him like Captain Ahab with a harpoon to Moby Dick about getting the police report number from the Shit head Pencil Dick and getting a copy and filing one of his own to protect himself when his credit hits the crapper....and I'm trying to explain everything that needs to be done and offering to help him, cause this pup just has no clue how bad this can fuck things up for him down the road...and I really don't want him to be in his 30s and trying to get a mortgage loan and find out he's screwed because the Air Force couldn't keep his info under lock and key......kinda makes you feel all safe and secure falling asleep in the good ole U S of A tonight now don't it!!!! Well, Water Boy takes all of this as a sign that I don't' think he's adult enough to handle it on his own, or that I think he's too stupid to get it done or whatever goes on in the head of a kid still wet behind the ears and I pretty much get my head bit off.
It is at this point that I, just like my blog and bottle cousins had to 'reflect' about this ass chewing from my baby boy. I came to the conclusion that I really had done far to much for him in the past 18 years to be talked to in the manner he was using.....not to mention that his car had died a painful death skidding off of freshly graded gravel on our washboard backroads and into a ditch...so I have been giving him rides all around the county....actually enjoying the time as it put us back to when he was younger with no license and no wheels and still my sweet baby boy, and I got to see some of his friends and wasn't put out at all about all the extra I was doing for him...no big deal right....I'm the momma, he's the baby boy...it's all good, right??!!! And something snapped inside as it occurred to me he was acting just like his father, which is one thing I don't have to put up with in the house I worked three jobs to keep over their heads....And I decided I would now step back and let the little asshole be THE MAN. You want it? You got it hotshot!!! He left with friends and i didn't call, didn't text, did my level best to not even care....of course I failed that shit badly...but I didn't contact him at all!! So he shows up last night all sweet and sheepish and wanting some help filling out some of the application....and help getting all this stuff copied off to take with him...oh and can he borrow my limping transmission challenged van to take all this in to the recruiter??? What???? Where's the man that can take care of himself? Where is that screaming guy telling me to get off his back HE can handle it??? I got a hug. Maybe there is hope after all. But if he ever starts acting like my ex again under my roof I'm gonna have to divorce him!!!!!
So I oh so casually text him tonight to see if he got the police report and filed one of his own today, cause that really is important. And he texted back it was all in the works and not to worry he was taking care of it....and I got an "I love you" too....yeah, there just may be hope for that boy. But I am gonna have a few words with the recruiter as soon as we get pass him...or maybe I'll just look up some friends who are high up in the ranks of the Air Force and share this story with them...anyway you look at it...the Sgt Shit head Pencil Dick has not heard the last from this woman!!!! And that's the dill pickle bout that!!
A week goes by...no phone call....now I'm not worried about the background check and neither is Water Boy...he has no criminal record and no credit score either...the kid's had a checking account for all of two months...so we know there will be no problems there....so I suggest....several times...until I'm yelled at for doing so.....that he call the recruiter and see what the hold up is. FINALLY he does....by now two weeks have gone by...and the guy tells him he's been very busy in training himself and hasn't had a chance to get to the Water Boy's file yet, bet he will as soon as he can get back to the office. Okay...we are on hold....Momma here is not minding that one bit!!! And another week goes by...still no call....and then...three and a half weeks later....he gets...the call......
Mr. Oh so Professional Recruiter had Water Boy's records...ALL OF THEM and his file, and the application that has everything from his entire family's address and phone numbers, in the trunk of his car and SOMEBODY broke into the car and STOLD THEM ALL!!!! So Water Boy will have to come back in and totally redo all of his paperwork...because all of it is now missing...floating out there in identity theft heaven. Well that's just fucking great!!!!!! To say I was foaming at the mouth would be quite the understatement. I'm livid....how dare they carry shit like that around with them...don't they have a clue what ruthless people can do with information like that???? And not only my son's, but there will several other application files in his truck as well!!!
So, Mr Shit Head Pencil Dick Recruiter has to replace his laptop...wonder how much top secret information he had on that?!!!! And he sets up an appointment with my son for the following Friday....which he cancels out on again...cause he can't get his shit together apparently....but he finally emails the application form....all 38 pages of it...which we have to print out. And then Water Boy gets the delightful task of of refilling it out. In the mean time, I am harping at him like Captain Ahab with a harpoon to Moby Dick about getting the police report number from the Shit head Pencil Dick and getting a copy and filing one of his own to protect himself when his credit hits the crapper....and I'm trying to explain everything that needs to be done and offering to help him, cause this pup just has no clue how bad this can fuck things up for him down the road...and I really don't want him to be in his 30s and trying to get a mortgage loan and find out he's screwed because the Air Force couldn't keep his info under lock and key......kinda makes you feel all safe and secure falling asleep in the good ole U S of A tonight now don't it!!!! Well, Water Boy takes all of this as a sign that I don't' think he's adult enough to handle it on his own, or that I think he's too stupid to get it done or whatever goes on in the head of a kid still wet behind the ears and I pretty much get my head bit off.
It is at this point that I, just like my blog and bottle cousins had to 'reflect' about this ass chewing from my baby boy. I came to the conclusion that I really had done far to much for him in the past 18 years to be talked to in the manner he was using.....not to mention that his car had died a painful death skidding off of freshly graded gravel on our washboard backroads and into a ditch...so I have been giving him rides all around the county....actually enjoying the time as it put us back to when he was younger with no license and no wheels and still my sweet baby boy, and I got to see some of his friends and wasn't put out at all about all the extra I was doing for him...no big deal right....I'm the momma, he's the baby boy...it's all good, right??!!! And something snapped inside as it occurred to me he was acting just like his father, which is one thing I don't have to put up with in the house I worked three jobs to keep over their heads....And I decided I would now step back and let the little asshole be THE MAN. You want it? You got it hotshot!!! He left with friends and i didn't call, didn't text, did my level best to not even care....of course I failed that shit badly...but I didn't contact him at all!! So he shows up last night all sweet and sheepish and wanting some help filling out some of the application....and help getting all this stuff copied off to take with him...oh and can he borrow my limping transmission challenged van to take all this in to the recruiter??? What???? Where's the man that can take care of himself? Where is that screaming guy telling me to get off his back HE can handle it??? I got a hug. Maybe there is hope after all. But if he ever starts acting like my ex again under my roof I'm gonna have to divorce him!!!!!
So I oh so casually text him tonight to see if he got the police report and filed one of his own today, cause that really is important. And he texted back it was all in the works and not to worry he was taking care of it....and I got an "I love you" too....yeah, there just may be hope for that boy. But I am gonna have a few words with the recruiter as soon as we get pass him...or maybe I'll just look up some friends who are high up in the ranks of the Air Force and share this story with them...anyway you look at it...the Sgt Shit head Pencil Dick has not heard the last from this woman!!!! And that's the dill pickle bout that!!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The most recent stuff that jacked with my perfect world
Well, let's see, to start off with, my boss informs me that as "team leader" of the set up of this new computer system we are getting at work, I need to be at a meeting next Friday...which I happened to be planning on taking off for a vacation day...cause I have a LOT of them I need to burn up or loose... So SHIT!!!..and I have to hit an 8:AM meeting to discuss all this stuff...in Wichita!! Are you fucking kidding me???? You want me to hit an 8:AM meeting on Friday in Wichita? Counting morning traffic that's a three hour drive!!!! So I inform HER that the trannie in my van is going out AGAIN..and it's heading to the shop this week...I may not have it back by Friday..NO PROBLEM, she'll hook me up with a company car to drive down there....and then I ask if she's going to be there and why don't I ride with her....well SHE is already going to be down there for three days...GREAT!!! So then I ask if she's going to have an extra bed in her room, cause I'd rather do a three hour drive in the evening sunshine than at 4:AM in the dark, and she thinks she may line me up with a room for Thursday night...she'll get back with me on that....I'm still waiting to hear what the hell is going on. Either way I'm not happy. I'm not salary, I'm not an executive...I'm the peon A/P clerk...I don't' want to travel with my job, or spend a night away from Mr Fixit and my waterbed. So I have to do that, or get up and be ready to represent and spend three hours on the road to make an 8:AM meeting. If they don't pay me for my travel time, this will be the last trip my happy ass makes as 'team leader'!!!!
Moving on....I had the most perfect shopping trip at Walmart I've ever had last Friday night. I got a parking spot four spaces from the front door...can you believe it??!!!! Four spaces!!! AND it was only one space away from the cart caddy!!! Oh thank you Jesus for sweet little favors!!! And then the first cart I grabbed had FOUR good wheels and pushed straight as an arrow with no wobbles or pulling to the left or right....I could manhandle it ONE-HANDED!!!! Oh for joy!!! And everything on my list I found right away with no back tracking or looking or trying to track down one of their clueless workers to ask them where in the hell this or that was at!! And the most amazing part of this dream trip was that when I rounded the produce isle and shifted all the crap around to find space for a watermelon and headed to the checkout...I found a checker who was just standing there waiting for me!!! Oh I shit you not....NO LINE!!!!!! It was surreal, it was sublime...the perfect trip!!!! I placed all my crap on his conveyor belt with a giddy smile on my face....I'm sure he thought I'd overdone my happy meds, but I couldn't wipe the smile off my face!! And LOOK!!! No lines at subway....Oh this is too much!!! I zip in there and order my two footlongs and they guy actually remembers me and most of what I want...I just have to stand there and visit with that giddy smile on my face....There was a warp in the fabric of the universe....I drove thru some tear into a new dimension...this is how the perfect world plays out. This is too much!!! I fill up my plastic cup with Coke...cause I just crammed two weeks worth of shit into a cart and that's my TREAT!! And I'm practically skipping out the door of Walmart pushing this two ton cart and I see the most massive rain storm I've ever encountered at a Walmart parking lot. Rain drops were bouncing three feet high off the pavement. It was dark as midnight...all the lights in the parking lot were on. And as I stand there under the awning with my heavy cart...looking longingly at my van...just a few spaces down the lane...sipping my Coke...it suddenly occurs to me that I need to pee. I'M BACK!!! Must have accidentally pushed that cart back thru the tear in the warp of time......yep....this is my world!!! Well, I could have stood there hopping around having to pee til the rain quit....but it did seem to lighten up a little....and I thought...to hell with it!!! I am most certainly not made of sugar...I will not melt, and I think the grocery's will survive a little moisture....so I make my run for it....I only had to go back to the driver door twice to hit the unlock button....the hatch lock sticks due to all the dust from my gravel roads....and once under the hatch...I was only getting hit with falling rain from the waist down!!! Grocery's loaded, cart back to the little pen....doors shut...I'm on my way...pretty damp...a little cold....but on my way home!!! Folks are probably still talking about that crazy woman in the parking lot the other night who was running around with her cart in a down pour laughing her ass off....bet they wish they had my meds!!! Sorry folks, you just can't bottle this kind of insanity!! The best part of the night...the most fitting of it all, was AFTER Mr Fixit came out and helped me carry it all in and put it all away, (I don't let him come with me anymore cause he just doesn't get off browsing the new colors of eye liner or doing a once over on the clothing clearance racks and it's just better if I send him off to play some pool while I'm in my happy little shopping adventure..but he ALWAYS meets up with me to help carry them in cause that's just the super wonderful guy he is!!!) and AFTER I dried off damp puppies who were out in a little of the down pour...and AFTER I put on some jammy pants and grabbed my sandwich and sat down in my recliner....I came to realize my ass was still damp!!!! Apparently one of the puppies cuddled their dripping wet body in my recliner when Mr Fixit first got home and let them in....the rain has been over for a good two hours....and I still have a wet ass from it!!! Oh yes....this is my crazy world....I'm back!!!
Moving on to Saturday....I managed to get a date planned with all three of my kids...at the same time, mind you, and my wonderful mother...to take her out for lunch for her Birthday. She turned 82 last Saturday, and I had all three kids available for Friday afternoon....just enough time from when one got off work, and one going to work to fit in a late lunch with their grandma. Perfect...so I call her up to surprise her and guess what??!!!! SHE has plans...get the fuck outta here??? Seriously???? My mother never has plans!! But today of all days...she did. So I ask her what's up...it's hard to get all three of my kids together like this...well, SHE informs me that she has to be at the church at 2:00.....uhhmmmmm Mom...tomorrow is Friday..not Sunday...what's up at church??? Well, they are having a gospel country program out there Friday night at 7:00 and she has to take her pies out at 2:00. MOM???? Why can't you take your pies out at 5:00??? I'd have you back home before then!!!!! BECAUSE...she has to go help set up and make ham and chicken salad sandwiches and cut up the pies and cakes and they are going to be shorthanded on Friday afternoon and she SAID she was going to be their to help. Well, that pretty much ended the discussion.....from prior posts you will know that integrity is a BIG BIG thing with my family and if she SAID she was going to be their, even death would not keep her from showing up. So....it was back to the calender and making fifteen hundred calls and texts but we revamped a couple schedules and it was back on for the following Saturday. So yesterday was the big day and I drove the 30 minutes west to pick her up...and then the 50 minutes east to hook up with the girls...and the Water Boy joined in and we hit this great little restaurant in down town college town. It was fun...the service sucked, but we made up for it with a lot of talking and laughing....they screwed up our order so bad we got it all for half price, which was cool!!! I even tipped the waitress on the full amount cause she tried to make up for all the glitches going on in the kitchen. I felt sorry for her....they made the wrong thing the first time thru and then the second time thru somebody grabbed half her order and took it to another table by mistake and the third time thru it still wasn't right...but she made the most of it with some humor and she even brought out a few little things we weren't suppose to get....I could have gotten pissed and raised some hell, but hey...I had two and a half hours at a table with my momma and my babies and I really didn't mind all the delays. And besides the coffee was most excellent...and my Gypsy....professional waitress that she is...kept going to fill up my cup for me, so it was all good!!!
So...after I get my momma back home and make it back to my home sweet home, the Water Boy decides to hang out at home and takes control of the computer...CRAP..but he is gearing up to join the Air Force...if they'd just quit loosing his paperwork and get him processed already...but that's a whole post in its' self...and I don't mind him being home and hogging the internet...gives me a chance to play with his hair and laugh with him...I'll miss that soon enough. Mr Fixit is going fishing again which is really great for him....he loves to go out catching catfish, loves to cook catfish...really loves to eat catfish...ME??? I could go all my life without any catfish on earth. But I'm tickled for him...even helped him pack a cooler to take along...and then I make some calls and texts...cause it's Saturday night and I ought to go out and play a little too...right? Uhmmmm no. It's a stall out with everybody I called....so I end up popping the top on a Bud Light Lime and heading to the garden....after the torrential rainstorm the night before, my garden is just begging me to come pull some weeds...so that's what I did...for three hours...(between trips back and forth to the house for another beer or a smoke)....pulled weeds and played in the garden....the puppies helped....AFTER they tore up two bags of mulch on the back porch. WTF???? Must have been planning an attack on me or something....all I can say is Thank God the puppies were there to rip those conspiring mulch bags to death before they could carry out their evil plans on me!!!! Anyhoo it was a great night to weed...the wet earth was practically spitting them out at me as I pulled. Even Liddy Kiddy showed up and plopped down over the next hunk of grass in line to be pulled....it's easier to get my attention that way and get yet another scratching...she's smart like that. And of course the puppies took that extra effort I love them for to make sure all the big clumps of grass I'd pulled and thrown into the yard were good and dead. They enjoyed a few games of tug of war with some of them....Now the garden looks great and Mr Fixit's yard looks like hell...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I like jacking with him like that too...that's how I roll!!!! Besides...it will give him an excuse to get out his prized rider with the bag attachments and vacuum the lawn in the coming week.
It has come to my mind over this summer that I was born a work mule. And ya know...I really don't seem to mind. But that's a whole nother story......This post was lame, but after giving my blogNbottle cousin Sassy a bunch of shit for not posting anything in a good long while, I thought I'd better get busy and spew something out on mine!!! And that's pretty much the dill pickle bout that!!!
Moving on....I had the most perfect shopping trip at Walmart I've ever had last Friday night. I got a parking spot four spaces from the front door...can you believe it??!!!! Four spaces!!! AND it was only one space away from the cart caddy!!! Oh thank you Jesus for sweet little favors!!! And then the first cart I grabbed had FOUR good wheels and pushed straight as an arrow with no wobbles or pulling to the left or right....I could manhandle it ONE-HANDED!!!! Oh for joy!!! And everything on my list I found right away with no back tracking or looking or trying to track down one of their clueless workers to ask them where in the hell this or that was at!! And the most amazing part of this dream trip was that when I rounded the produce isle and shifted all the crap around to find space for a watermelon and headed to the checkout...I found a checker who was just standing there waiting for me!!! Oh I shit you not....NO LINE!!!!!! It was surreal, it was sublime...the perfect trip!!!! I placed all my crap on his conveyor belt with a giddy smile on my face....I'm sure he thought I'd overdone my happy meds, but I couldn't wipe the smile off my face!! And LOOK!!! No lines at subway....Oh this is too much!!! I zip in there and order my two footlongs and they guy actually remembers me and most of what I want...I just have to stand there and visit with that giddy smile on my face....There was a warp in the fabric of the universe....I drove thru some tear into a new dimension...this is how the perfect world plays out. This is too much!!! I fill up my plastic cup with Coke...cause I just crammed two weeks worth of shit into a cart and that's my TREAT!! And I'm practically skipping out the door of Walmart pushing this two ton cart and I see the most massive rain storm I've ever encountered at a Walmart parking lot. Rain drops were bouncing three feet high off the pavement. It was dark as midnight...all the lights in the parking lot were on. And as I stand there under the awning with my heavy cart...looking longingly at my van...just a few spaces down the lane...sipping my Coke...it suddenly occurs to me that I need to pee. I'M BACK!!! Must have accidentally pushed that cart back thru the tear in the warp of time......yep....this is my world!!! Well, I could have stood there hopping around having to pee til the rain quit....but it did seem to lighten up a little....and I thought...to hell with it!!! I am most certainly not made of sugar...I will not melt, and I think the grocery's will survive a little moisture....so I make my run for it....I only had to go back to the driver door twice to hit the unlock button....the hatch lock sticks due to all the dust from my gravel roads....and once under the hatch...I was only getting hit with falling rain from the waist down!!! Grocery's loaded, cart back to the little pen....doors shut...I'm on my way...pretty damp...a little cold....but on my way home!!! Folks are probably still talking about that crazy woman in the parking lot the other night who was running around with her cart in a down pour laughing her ass off....bet they wish they had my meds!!! Sorry folks, you just can't bottle this kind of insanity!! The best part of the night...the most fitting of it all, was AFTER Mr Fixit came out and helped me carry it all in and put it all away, (I don't let him come with me anymore cause he just doesn't get off browsing the new colors of eye liner or doing a once over on the clothing clearance racks and it's just better if I send him off to play some pool while I'm in my happy little shopping adventure..but he ALWAYS meets up with me to help carry them in cause that's just the super wonderful guy he is!!!) and AFTER I dried off damp puppies who were out in a little of the down pour...and AFTER I put on some jammy pants and grabbed my sandwich and sat down in my recliner....I came to realize my ass was still damp!!!! Apparently one of the puppies cuddled their dripping wet body in my recliner when Mr Fixit first got home and let them in....the rain has been over for a good two hours....and I still have a wet ass from it!!! Oh yes....this is my crazy world....I'm back!!!
Moving on to Saturday....I managed to get a date planned with all three of my kids...at the same time, mind you, and my wonderful mother...to take her out for lunch for her Birthday. She turned 82 last Saturday, and I had all three kids available for Friday afternoon....just enough time from when one got off work, and one going to work to fit in a late lunch with their grandma. Perfect...so I call her up to surprise her and guess what??!!!! SHE has plans...get the fuck outta here??? Seriously???? My mother never has plans!! But today of all days...she did. So I ask her what's up...it's hard to get all three of my kids together like this...well, SHE informs me that she has to be at the church at 2:00.....uhhmmmmm Mom...tomorrow is Friday..not Sunday...what's up at church??? Well, they are having a gospel country program out there Friday night at 7:00 and she has to take her pies out at 2:00. MOM???? Why can't you take your pies out at 5:00??? I'd have you back home before then!!!!! BECAUSE...she has to go help set up and make ham and chicken salad sandwiches and cut up the pies and cakes and they are going to be shorthanded on Friday afternoon and she SAID she was going to be their to help. Well, that pretty much ended the discussion.....from prior posts you will know that integrity is a BIG BIG thing with my family and if she SAID she was going to be their, even death would not keep her from showing up. So....it was back to the calender and making fifteen hundred calls and texts but we revamped a couple schedules and it was back on for the following Saturday. So yesterday was the big day and I drove the 30 minutes west to pick her up...and then the 50 minutes east to hook up with the girls...and the Water Boy joined in and we hit this great little restaurant in down town college town. It was fun...the service sucked, but we made up for it with a lot of talking and laughing....they screwed up our order so bad we got it all for half price, which was cool!!! I even tipped the waitress on the full amount cause she tried to make up for all the glitches going on in the kitchen. I felt sorry for her....they made the wrong thing the first time thru and then the second time thru somebody grabbed half her order and took it to another table by mistake and the third time thru it still wasn't right...but she made the most of it with some humor and she even brought out a few little things we weren't suppose to get....I could have gotten pissed and raised some hell, but hey...I had two and a half hours at a table with my momma and my babies and I really didn't mind all the delays. And besides the coffee was most excellent...and my Gypsy....professional waitress that she is...kept going to fill up my cup for me, so it was all good!!!
So...after I get my momma back home and make it back to my home sweet home, the Water Boy decides to hang out at home and takes control of the computer...CRAP..but he is gearing up to join the Air Force...if they'd just quit loosing his paperwork and get him processed already...but that's a whole post in its' self...and I don't mind him being home and hogging the internet...gives me a chance to play with his hair and laugh with him...I'll miss that soon enough. Mr Fixit is going fishing again which is really great for him....he loves to go out catching catfish, loves to cook catfish...really loves to eat catfish...ME??? I could go all my life without any catfish on earth. But I'm tickled for him...even helped him pack a cooler to take along...and then I make some calls and texts...cause it's Saturday night and I ought to go out and play a little too...right? Uhmmmm no. It's a stall out with everybody I called....so I end up popping the top on a Bud Light Lime and heading to the garden....after the torrential rainstorm the night before, my garden is just begging me to come pull some weeds...so that's what I did...for three hours...(between trips back and forth to the house for another beer or a smoke)....pulled weeds and played in the garden....the puppies helped....AFTER they tore up two bags of mulch on the back porch. WTF???? Must have been planning an attack on me or something....all I can say is Thank God the puppies were there to rip those conspiring mulch bags to death before they could carry out their evil plans on me!!!! Anyhoo it was a great night to weed...the wet earth was practically spitting them out at me as I pulled. Even Liddy Kiddy showed up and plopped down over the next hunk of grass in line to be pulled....it's easier to get my attention that way and get yet another scratching...she's smart like that. And of course the puppies took that extra effort I love them for to make sure all the big clumps of grass I'd pulled and thrown into the yard were good and dead. They enjoyed a few games of tug of war with some of them....Now the garden looks great and Mr Fixit's yard looks like hell...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I like jacking with him like that too...that's how I roll!!!! Besides...it will give him an excuse to get out his prized rider with the bag attachments and vacuum the lawn in the coming week.
It has come to my mind over this summer that I was born a work mule. And ya know...I really don't seem to mind. But that's a whole nother story......This post was lame, but after giving my blogNbottle cousin Sassy a bunch of shit for not posting anything in a good long while, I thought I'd better get busy and spew something out on mine!!! And that's pretty much the dill pickle bout that!!!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Same Sex Marriage
Has anyone else been following this controversy in the news lately? I am trying to keep up, but it frustrates me so bad I end up mumbling to myself in the corner...well today, I'll just mumble at you instead!! Oh LUCKY you!!!
I'm pissed and or agitated for a lot of reasons on this deal....the first and the BIGGIE is all the so called Christians and all their hate. Now I have been a Christian all my life...that is to say, I think Jesus is Lord and Christ and I am a follower of Christ..therefore I call my self a CHRISTian. We have a book of our faith...it's called the Bible, and has CHRISTians, we are to read and learn it and to try to practice what it teaches. It's pretty simple, but very hard....'specially when somebody pisses you off and you'd like to rip their head off and shi....okay, you get the point...but that's another story. So to all the CHRISTians out there making all kind of noise over the same sex marriage proposal....might I just point you to your faith BOOK and tell you that when your Saviour walked the earth, He was once asked what the greatest commandment was. And He, knowing we are mindless little twits carried off by our emotions and whims, tried to make it as simple for us as possible....He told us it was to love God, and to love our neighbor. PERIOD. Not a hard plan to follow, now is it. And who, pray tell, might our neighbor be, you might be asking as this very moment. Well, in it's simplest form, you could say it's someone you live by. I think we'd all agree with that one, right? Well, when you are standing in line at the checkout waiting to get your grocery's bagged, and you have a person in front of you, and a person behind you...and you are all living....I HOPE you are all living....and you are by that person, for that moment of time...wouldn't that be your neighbor for the moment? I happen to think so. And when you run in to pay for your gas at the convenient store, and you are by a few folks in there...and all of you are breathing....therefore 'living', wouldn't they be your neighbor too? I happen to think so. I think we are to be as kind and caring to everyone that comes in contact with us for even the briefest of time, cause if we are living and beside each other, we are neighbors. I really hope some of the fools I work with don't count in this equation, but I'm sure they do!! Damnit!!! SO.....if we are going to call our selves Christians, then I think loving our neighbors ought to be a biggie for us. That would not include carrying hate signs and trying to trash anyone who doesn't think just like you. GET A GRIP PEOPLE!!!! It just makes my ass twitch to watch Fred Phelps and his sick twisted family out on the streets carrying signs that say God Hates Fags....REALLY???? Can you give me chapter and verse on that Fred??? Cause I've been all the way thru the book a few times and I've never read that!!! I have actually read what God does hate...it's in Proverbs and yes, I can give you chapter and verse...is chpt 6 verses 16-19. THESE SIX THINGS THE LORD HATES, INDEED, SEVEN ARE AN ABOMINATION TO HIM; A PROUD LOOK (uhmmm don't look now all you self proclaimed Christians, but if you think you are better in the eyes of God than someone who lives an alternative life style...think again!!!) A LYING TONGUE, HANDS THAT SHED INNOCENT BLOOD (uhmmmm, so all you self proclaimed Christians who were out there bombing abortion clinics and killing the people who worked there...guess what?!!! God is so pissed at you right now!!!) A HEART THAT MANUFACTURES WICKED THOUGHTS AND PLANS, FEET THAT ARE SWIFT IN RUNNING TO EVIL, A FALSE WITNESS WHO BREATHES OUT LIES AND HE WHO SOWS DISCORD AMONG HIS BRETHREN. (UhOh...all you folks out there stirring up a lot of crap over things that don't concern you are in deep shit with the Lord!!) Well, anyways, THAT's what the Lord hates....right there, in black and white.
So this whole righteous conservative movement trying to keep the same sex marriage proposal from passing in the name of "Christianity" are actually breaking more of the rules than anyone else. How sad is that?!! I hate it when people make my God look bad!!! Shut the fuck up and sit down!!! How bout you all read the Bible for yourselves and not go with what Aunt Gladys said thirty years ago!!! How bout you disregard all the crackpots on TV Sunday morning and you try engaging your own brain and seeking some truth all by your own little self???!!! Thanks so much for showing the tender mercy's and love of God on national television. ASSHOLES!!!!
Well, that's what makes my ass twitch the hardest, but I do have to aim at the other side now. I don't know who came up with this catch all phrase...Same Sex Marriage....but I really do, in my humble opinion, think they screwed up. I wonder if they didn't put it together just to cause a sink, cause that's exactly what it did. Christians seem to think they have the monopoly on the word Marriage. Yes, it's found in the Bible, and yes, their are rules for a husband and wife to follow....I doubt the people out there screaming hate over the same sex marriage proposal can't even name half of them, and probably don't follow very many of them, but that's beside the point, they don't have time...they are too busy judging the rest of the nation to follow the rules themselves. The word marriage may or may not have originated with the Jewish nation, or in the bible, but the thing is, most Christians claim it as one of theirs. It's not like it's a new concept that started up only with Christians. I'm sure the Native Americans didn't call it 'marriage' but they formed life long unions and produced children from them. Even some of the animal kingdom do as much. Canadian geese mate for life, and if one of the pair dies, the other generally doesn't survive either. So the concept is far from only Christian, but the word 'marriage' seems to be, at least as far as most folks are concerned. So why on earth would they call it Same Sex Marriage?? Isn't that about the same as shooting yourself in the foot?
Now, Mr Fixit it and I did get married, but in all honesty, we didn't do it for the little piece of paper we got, and that paper sure as hell doesn't hold us together. If I had to describe what we have between us, I'd say it's more of a partnership. He has his strengths and I have mine, and between the two of us, we pretty much have all the bases covered to survive thru this life together as partners. So I'd say we are partners in life. And after partners, I have to say I'd call him my best friend, cause he is about the only fool on earth that actually GETS me, and sticks around full time to boot!!! Even now, I'm gonna say 'husband' still doesn't come up, what comes to mind next is he's my lover. And after that, the next big thing in my head is he's the father figure to my kids, and their friends and pretty much anyone way younger than us that comes around. And about now I'd say oh yeah, he's my husband too. The reason we choose to get married was because we both believed per our faith it was the right thing to do and for credit purposes and for health insurance, cause at that time, mine was way better than his. Now they pretty much both are lame as hell, but that too, is a whole nother story.
So...my point is, why not call it something besides marriage? Lots of people live together and have a committed relationship without getting married....and that's cool with me, I'm not here to judge anybody but myself, I'm just suppose to love them, remember??!!! Why can't they just change the name and broaden it out for everybody??? Call it Committed Union Proposal. Call it Lifetime Partnership Proposal. Call it what it is, or what it is suppose to be. A legal binding union that allows two adults to share jointly in all aspects of taxes, health insurance, legal issues and parenting. And why limit it to same sex? What if two high school friends were now single parents and decided to move into a place together to help make financial ends meet. What if she had great health insurance and a high credit score but a piss poor paycheck, and the he made decent money, but had a shitty credit score and crappy health insurance for him and his kids. Why couldn't they fall into this category too? Or what about two older sisters who shared an apartment and had similar issues? Or maybe just two single parents who weren't receiving any child support between the two of them and struggling to raise their kids and survive? How many more people would benefit from a new law that says if you pay for the fees for a license, you can be legally joined and have all the benefits a married couple is entitled too. If we are gonna make some new laws....I say, let's go big and make it for everyone.
And hey, if you were a same sex couple, and you were madly in love with each other, and you got a "Lifetime Partnership" license, couldn't you still have a beautiful ceremony and legally change your last name and refer to each other how ever you wanted to??? You could even refer to your partner as "the shithead I'm married too" just like I do when Mr Fixit pisses me off!!!!!!! And then go legally blow half their paycheck to make yourself feel better and to teach them a lesson, just like I do!!!!! And then feel guilty about it and put sweet things in their lunch box and spoil them rotten, cause you love them......JUST LIKE I DO!!!!!
Perhaps it's all far more complicated than what I am seeing, and that certainly would not be a first around here, but it just agitates me to the point my ass visibly twitches trying to follow this news story. People calling them selves Christians need to figure out what the hell that actually means and start doing it, (oh please all of you shut up, sit down, pick up a Bible and try ...oh I don't know...reading it instead of using the pages to wipe your asses you lame ignorant fools!!!) and the organizations backing and leading the Same Sex Marriage Proposal need to make some changes....namely the NAME and push it out to encompass a whole lot more folks who could use it. And if everybody would just listen to me and do as I say, this would be a perfect world!! LOL Okay....ya got me there, yes, I'm just as clueless as the next guy....but that's just how I roll people!!! And THAT is the dill pickle bout what's on my clueless little mind tonight.
I'm pissed and or agitated for a lot of reasons on this deal....the first and the BIGGIE is all the so called Christians and all their hate. Now I have been a Christian all my life...that is to say, I think Jesus is Lord and Christ and I am a follower of Christ..therefore I call my self a CHRISTian. We have a book of our faith...it's called the Bible, and has CHRISTians, we are to read and learn it and to try to practice what it teaches. It's pretty simple, but very hard....'specially when somebody pisses you off and you'd like to rip their head off and shi....okay, you get the point...but that's another story. So to all the CHRISTians out there making all kind of noise over the same sex marriage proposal....might I just point you to your faith BOOK and tell you that when your Saviour walked the earth, He was once asked what the greatest commandment was. And He, knowing we are mindless little twits carried off by our emotions and whims, tried to make it as simple for us as possible....He told us it was to love God, and to love our neighbor. PERIOD. Not a hard plan to follow, now is it. And who, pray tell, might our neighbor be, you might be asking as this very moment. Well, in it's simplest form, you could say it's someone you live by. I think we'd all agree with that one, right? Well, when you are standing in line at the checkout waiting to get your grocery's bagged, and you have a person in front of you, and a person behind you...and you are all living....I HOPE you are all living....and you are by that person, for that moment of time...wouldn't that be your neighbor for the moment? I happen to think so. And when you run in to pay for your gas at the convenient store, and you are by a few folks in there...and all of you are breathing....therefore 'living', wouldn't they be your neighbor too? I happen to think so. I think we are to be as kind and caring to everyone that comes in contact with us for even the briefest of time, cause if we are living and beside each other, we are neighbors. I really hope some of the fools I work with don't count in this equation, but I'm sure they do!! Damnit!!! SO.....if we are going to call our selves Christians, then I think loving our neighbors ought to be a biggie for us. That would not include carrying hate signs and trying to trash anyone who doesn't think just like you. GET A GRIP PEOPLE!!!! It just makes my ass twitch to watch Fred Phelps and his sick twisted family out on the streets carrying signs that say God Hates Fags....REALLY???? Can you give me chapter and verse on that Fred??? Cause I've been all the way thru the book a few times and I've never read that!!! I have actually read what God does hate...it's in Proverbs and yes, I can give you chapter and verse...is chpt 6 verses 16-19. THESE SIX THINGS THE LORD HATES, INDEED, SEVEN ARE AN ABOMINATION TO HIM; A PROUD LOOK (uhmmm don't look now all you self proclaimed Christians, but if you think you are better in the eyes of God than someone who lives an alternative life style...think again!!!) A LYING TONGUE, HANDS THAT SHED INNOCENT BLOOD (uhmmmm, so all you self proclaimed Christians who were out there bombing abortion clinics and killing the people who worked there...guess what?!!! God is so pissed at you right now!!!) A HEART THAT MANUFACTURES WICKED THOUGHTS AND PLANS, FEET THAT ARE SWIFT IN RUNNING TO EVIL, A FALSE WITNESS WHO BREATHES OUT LIES AND HE WHO SOWS DISCORD AMONG HIS BRETHREN. (UhOh...all you folks out there stirring up a lot of crap over things that don't concern you are in deep shit with the Lord!!) Well, anyways, THAT's what the Lord hates....right there, in black and white.
So this whole righteous conservative movement trying to keep the same sex marriage proposal from passing in the name of "Christianity" are actually breaking more of the rules than anyone else. How sad is that?!! I hate it when people make my God look bad!!! Shut the fuck up and sit down!!! How bout you all read the Bible for yourselves and not go with what Aunt Gladys said thirty years ago!!! How bout you disregard all the crackpots on TV Sunday morning and you try engaging your own brain and seeking some truth all by your own little self???!!! Thanks so much for showing the tender mercy's and love of God on national television. ASSHOLES!!!!
Well, that's what makes my ass twitch the hardest, but I do have to aim at the other side now. I don't know who came up with this catch all phrase...Same Sex Marriage....but I really do, in my humble opinion, think they screwed up. I wonder if they didn't put it together just to cause a sink, cause that's exactly what it did. Christians seem to think they have the monopoly on the word Marriage. Yes, it's found in the Bible, and yes, their are rules for a husband and wife to follow....I doubt the people out there screaming hate over the same sex marriage proposal can't even name half of them, and probably don't follow very many of them, but that's beside the point, they don't have time...they are too busy judging the rest of the nation to follow the rules themselves. The word marriage may or may not have originated with the Jewish nation, or in the bible, but the thing is, most Christians claim it as one of theirs. It's not like it's a new concept that started up only with Christians. I'm sure the Native Americans didn't call it 'marriage' but they formed life long unions and produced children from them. Even some of the animal kingdom do as much. Canadian geese mate for life, and if one of the pair dies, the other generally doesn't survive either. So the concept is far from only Christian, but the word 'marriage' seems to be, at least as far as most folks are concerned. So why on earth would they call it Same Sex Marriage?? Isn't that about the same as shooting yourself in the foot?
Now, Mr Fixit it and I did get married, but in all honesty, we didn't do it for the little piece of paper we got, and that paper sure as hell doesn't hold us together. If I had to describe what we have between us, I'd say it's more of a partnership. He has his strengths and I have mine, and between the two of us, we pretty much have all the bases covered to survive thru this life together as partners. So I'd say we are partners in life. And after partners, I have to say I'd call him my best friend, cause he is about the only fool on earth that actually GETS me, and sticks around full time to boot!!! Even now, I'm gonna say 'husband' still doesn't come up, what comes to mind next is he's my lover. And after that, the next big thing in my head is he's the father figure to my kids, and their friends and pretty much anyone way younger than us that comes around. And about now I'd say oh yeah, he's my husband too. The reason we choose to get married was because we both believed per our faith it was the right thing to do and for credit purposes and for health insurance, cause at that time, mine was way better than his. Now they pretty much both are lame as hell, but that too, is a whole nother story.
So...my point is, why not call it something besides marriage? Lots of people live together and have a committed relationship without getting married....and that's cool with me, I'm not here to judge anybody but myself, I'm just suppose to love them, remember??!!! Why can't they just change the name and broaden it out for everybody??? Call it Committed Union Proposal. Call it Lifetime Partnership Proposal. Call it what it is, or what it is suppose to be. A legal binding union that allows two adults to share jointly in all aspects of taxes, health insurance, legal issues and parenting. And why limit it to same sex? What if two high school friends were now single parents and decided to move into a place together to help make financial ends meet. What if she had great health insurance and a high credit score but a piss poor paycheck, and the he made decent money, but had a shitty credit score and crappy health insurance for him and his kids. Why couldn't they fall into this category too? Or what about two older sisters who shared an apartment and had similar issues? Or maybe just two single parents who weren't receiving any child support between the two of them and struggling to raise their kids and survive? How many more people would benefit from a new law that says if you pay for the fees for a license, you can be legally joined and have all the benefits a married couple is entitled too. If we are gonna make some new laws....I say, let's go big and make it for everyone.
And hey, if you were a same sex couple, and you were madly in love with each other, and you got a "Lifetime Partnership" license, couldn't you still have a beautiful ceremony and legally change your last name and refer to each other how ever you wanted to??? You could even refer to your partner as "the shithead I'm married too" just like I do when Mr Fixit pisses me off!!!!!!! And then go legally blow half their paycheck to make yourself feel better and to teach them a lesson, just like I do!!!!! And then feel guilty about it and put sweet things in their lunch box and spoil them rotten, cause you love them......JUST LIKE I DO!!!!!
Perhaps it's all far more complicated than what I am seeing, and that certainly would not be a first around here, but it just agitates me to the point my ass visibly twitches trying to follow this news story. People calling them selves Christians need to figure out what the hell that actually means and start doing it, (oh please all of you shut up, sit down, pick up a Bible and try ...oh I don't know...reading it instead of using the pages to wipe your asses you lame ignorant fools!!!) and the organizations backing and leading the Same Sex Marriage Proposal need to make some changes....namely the NAME and push it out to encompass a whole lot more folks who could use it. And if everybody would just listen to me and do as I say, this would be a perfect world!! LOL Okay....ya got me there, yes, I'm just as clueless as the next guy....but that's just how I roll people!!! And THAT is the dill pickle bout what's on my clueless little mind tonight.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Ice Cream Sandwiches
So, I was in Dillon's on Saturday. I had to run to Lawrence to pick up some car parts for the Homecoming King's car. Something about it was clicking or grinding or something like that when ever he turned to the right....or maybe it was left....any hoo...Mr Fixit had him drive it up on the car ramps he got for Father's Day last year and looked under neath and knew right away how to make it right...something about boots and drive shaft...or maybe it was shaft boots and drive train...who the hell cares....so, he called it in and they ordered it and all I had to do was pick it up. Of course the next day I had to go back for more parts...and look like a fricken idiot to the young little prick behind the parts counter...but that's a whole nother story. I don't mind those runs when I just have to walk in and the parts are waiting for me.....and I happen to see that Dillon's had rib eyes on sale. Now Mr Fixit, he as a full time hankerin' for ribeyes...so any time they're is a decent sale....I'm all over it. And so I stopped at Dillon's to pick some up....cause Mr Fixit is a grill master deluxe and I can't even go out for dinner and order steak....they aren't ever as good as what he pulls off the grill...call me spoiled...you'd be right...but if I'm eating steak...it's a ribeye, and it's off Mr Fixit's grill. So I grab the ribeyes and I'm headed to dairy for milk and I pass by the freezer section and suddenly.....out of no where....I am overcome with a hankerin' of my own. I want some ice cream sandwiches. You know what I'm talking about....just this sudden desire to have some special favorite treat from childhood. Of course you do!!
So, I start in the ice cream isle. Common sense right??? I walk the entire length of the freezer section looking at every kind of ice cream and container and brand under the sun...and it took up an entire isle....tugging my little hand basket of steaks and a gallon of milk along for the ride....and NO. NO I'm sorry, no ice cream sandwiches....and I'm thinking...this can't be right...so I go back down the same fricken isle I just came up and I look again...I've been known to miss something right in front of my face....so yeah, let's give it one more try...it's got to be here...where the hell else would you stash ice cream sandwiches....but NO..NO I"m sorry, nothing but ice cream. Yes, the sandwiches are full of ice cream and truly what would be the difference, but NO damnit...I want the damn sandwiches....so I try the isle marked with frozen snacks....I'd have put it with the ice cream, but then I am know for my weirdness, so I try that ilse....NO...pizza snacks and mozzarella sticks and all kinds of crap that sounds good, but NO...I want them fricken ice cream sandwiches....
Now it has become a quest...a quest for the holy grail of where in the hell did you fools stash the fucking ice cream sandwiches....I have noticed that the steaks I picked out are gaining pounds by the second and the milk is weighting in at a ton...the basket handles are cutting into my arm and cutting off circulation, but I can't stop...I can't accept defeat...I HAVE TO HAVE SOME DAMN ICE CREAM SANDWICHES!!! By now my hair is sticking out on both sides...I shoved it into high gear....my eyes are blood shot and scanning every inch of space in the freezer section....WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?!!!!!! I am a crazed woman ready to be committed...and suddenly...I spot him....the poor schmuck they have stocking the shelves during crazy woman shopping hour. And I hone in on him like a tigress going for her next meal. He looks up and goes into shock...not unlike that paralyzed freeze small animals have been know to assume when a lion roars...as he looks into the eyes of an insane woman on a mission....who is hissing at him....Where in the hell do you fools keep your ice cream sandwiches???!!!!!! He's confused...what is this crazy woman's problem...she's acting like a diabetic missing her insulin shot....Is that foam coming from the sides of her mouth? What the hell is she on???? But he is on the clock...so he gets off his little case of green beans to help me find them...he's thinking they are on isle five hundred and thirty seven with the ice cream...NO NO I"ve been up and down that isle...they aren't there...they aren't there...oh for the love of God they just aren't THERE!!!!! But yes....we take yet more more trip down the ice cream doors of hell...and he takes longer than I did to scan each doorway for my will to live....but son of a muther this young twit with eyes far better than mine can't FIND THEM EITHER!!! He suggested I just get some ice cream....cause I guess he thought that would be good since he could find THAT....oh sure...like there isn't an ENTIRE ILSE of it for you to point out!!! You'll be happy to know he is still breathing...I didn't even mame him!!!!
Okay...it's official...there is no God....there is no hope for mankind....even the pimple faced stock boy can't find them!!!! By now my fingers have gone blue from lack of blood...the little hand basket I've got wedged in the crook of my arm may have to become a permanent fixture as it's cutting so deep it may take surgeons to remove it....all hope is gone....I take the steaks to the check out in pure misery. Oh sure...Mr Fixit gets his special treat, BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!!!!! Oh the unfairness of it all!!! I wasn't asking for diamonds or furs....or even long stem roses....I just wanted one simple special treat and even that was denied me.........
BUT, you see, I didn't get to be an old hateful woman without my resources....I STILL have options....and I thought about this as I drove back home with car parts for the HomeComing King and steaks for Mr Fixit...and my poor old worn out van...she knew I couldn't go home without MY special treat....and she turned...I shit you not...she turned all on her own down the little front street of our delight one horse town to the grocery store...where all the red necks of southern Jefferson County go to do their Saturday tradin'. And I, a frequent visitor to this store, knowing where to find all the goodies in each isle....make a beeline for the freezer section. I think I may have knocked down an old lady, and possibly shoved aside a child, but no matter...I was a WOMAN ON A MISSION...and everyone knows missions in life may have a few casualties...and there...there in a shimmering halo of gold they were.....right behind those freezer doors...FOUR, I say FOUR different kinds!!! I had to by two of them....they were CALLING TO ME....THEY KNEW MY NAME!!!!!! I barely made it thur the check out before ripping open a box. Like an alcoholic on withdraws I tore into a box rendering it useless to ever be shut back up with that little flappy thing ever again before I even left the parking lot. And I pulled back into my driveway a short time later, a sane woman back from errands, with ice cream breath and those little chocolate stains at the corners of my mouth. Quickly wiped away as I entered the house to erase all evidence....oh I am SO NOT sharing these...I smirked as I hid then in the very bottom and back of the side by side freezer section of my fridge.
YES..... YES Virginia there is a Santa Clause...and he stocks the freezer section at my local grocery store. THANK GOD for all the other rednecks in this county who buy enough ice cream sandwiches that our little store still stocks FOUR KINDS!!!!!! Some times ya gotta be tough in this life people. Sometimes, ya gotta stand up for what you believe in and hold your ground til you get WHAT YOU WANT. That's just the world we live in, and THAT's the DILL PICKLE 'BOUT THAT!!! ;)
So, I start in the ice cream isle. Common sense right??? I walk the entire length of the freezer section looking at every kind of ice cream and container and brand under the sun...and it took up an entire isle....tugging my little hand basket of steaks and a gallon of milk along for the ride....and NO. NO I'm sorry, no ice cream sandwiches....and I'm thinking...this can't be right...so I go back down the same fricken isle I just came up and I look again...I've been known to miss something right in front of my face....so yeah, let's give it one more try...it's got to be here...where the hell else would you stash ice cream sandwiches....but NO..NO I"m sorry, nothing but ice cream. Yes, the sandwiches are full of ice cream and truly what would be the difference, but NO damnit...I want the damn sandwiches....so I try the isle marked with frozen snacks....I'd have put it with the ice cream, but then I am know for my weirdness, so I try that ilse....NO...pizza snacks and mozzarella sticks and all kinds of crap that sounds good, but NO...I want them fricken ice cream sandwiches....
Now it has become a quest...a quest for the holy grail of where in the hell did you fools stash the fucking ice cream sandwiches....I have noticed that the steaks I picked out are gaining pounds by the second and the milk is weighting in at a ton...the basket handles are cutting into my arm and cutting off circulation, but I can't stop...I can't accept defeat...I HAVE TO HAVE SOME DAMN ICE CREAM SANDWICHES!!! By now my hair is sticking out on both sides...I shoved it into high gear....my eyes are blood shot and scanning every inch of space in the freezer section....WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?!!!!!! I am a crazed woman ready to be committed...and suddenly...I spot him....the poor schmuck they have stocking the shelves during crazy woman shopping hour. And I hone in on him like a tigress going for her next meal. He looks up and goes into shock...not unlike that paralyzed freeze small animals have been know to assume when a lion roars...as he looks into the eyes of an insane woman on a mission....who is hissing at him....Where in the hell do you fools keep your ice cream sandwiches???!!!!!! He's confused...what is this crazy woman's problem...she's acting like a diabetic missing her insulin shot....Is that foam coming from the sides of her mouth? What the hell is she on???? But he is on the clock...so he gets off his little case of green beans to help me find them...he's thinking they are on isle five hundred and thirty seven with the ice cream...NO NO I"ve been up and down that isle...they aren't there...they aren't there...oh for the love of God they just aren't THERE!!!!! But yes....we take yet more more trip down the ice cream doors of hell...and he takes longer than I did to scan each doorway for my will to live....but son of a muther this young twit with eyes far better than mine can't FIND THEM EITHER!!! He suggested I just get some ice cream....cause I guess he thought that would be good since he could find THAT....oh sure...like there isn't an ENTIRE ILSE of it for you to point out!!! You'll be happy to know he is still breathing...I didn't even mame him!!!!
Okay...it's official...there is no God....there is no hope for mankind....even the pimple faced stock boy can't find them!!!! By now my fingers have gone blue from lack of blood...the little hand basket I've got wedged in the crook of my arm may have to become a permanent fixture as it's cutting so deep it may take surgeons to remove it....all hope is gone....I take the steaks to the check out in pure misery. Oh sure...Mr Fixit gets his special treat, BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!!!!! Oh the unfairness of it all!!! I wasn't asking for diamonds or furs....or even long stem roses....I just wanted one simple special treat and even that was denied me.........
BUT, you see, I didn't get to be an old hateful woman without my resources....I STILL have options....and I thought about this as I drove back home with car parts for the HomeComing King and steaks for Mr Fixit...and my poor old worn out van...she knew I couldn't go home without MY special treat....and she turned...I shit you not...she turned all on her own down the little front street of our delight one horse town to the grocery store...where all the red necks of southern Jefferson County go to do their Saturday tradin'. And I, a frequent visitor to this store, knowing where to find all the goodies in each isle....make a beeline for the freezer section. I think I may have knocked down an old lady, and possibly shoved aside a child, but no matter...I was a WOMAN ON A MISSION...and everyone knows missions in life may have a few casualties...and there...there in a shimmering halo of gold they were.....right behind those freezer doors...FOUR, I say FOUR different kinds!!! I had to by two of them....they were CALLING TO ME....THEY KNEW MY NAME!!!!!! I barely made it thur the check out before ripping open a box. Like an alcoholic on withdraws I tore into a box rendering it useless to ever be shut back up with that little flappy thing ever again before I even left the parking lot. And I pulled back into my driveway a short time later, a sane woman back from errands, with ice cream breath and those little chocolate stains at the corners of my mouth. Quickly wiped away as I entered the house to erase all evidence....oh I am SO NOT sharing these...I smirked as I hid then in the very bottom and back of the side by side freezer section of my fridge.
YES..... YES Virginia there is a Santa Clause...and he stocks the freezer section at my local grocery store. THANK GOD for all the other rednecks in this county who buy enough ice cream sandwiches that our little store still stocks FOUR KINDS!!!!!! Some times ya gotta be tough in this life people. Sometimes, ya gotta stand up for what you believe in and hold your ground til you get WHAT YOU WANT. That's just the world we live in, and THAT's the DILL PICKLE 'BOUT THAT!!! ;)
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The Top Ten Reasons I Won't Be Attending My 30 Year Class Reunion
#10...(Hey, if David Letterman can work his way down the scale so can I!!)
I don't want to.
#9....Somebody has to stay away so they have somebody to talk about.
#8.....I can't remember half their names, nor do I want to try to learn them all, over the course of a weekend now.
#7.....Because people who show boat their possessions, education, careers or kids in anyway make my fricken ass twitch. And I would be the lucky one who ended up sitting at a table with two or more in a full blown contest to see who could out do the others.
#6....I don't care how fat the head cheerleader got, bless her heart, somebody buy her a $5 footlong.
#5....After 30 years, you could pretty much write off 85% as complete strangers.
#4.....If people fall out of your life as time goes on....there is usually a good reason.
#3.....I really don't enjoy gossip. So what if the football jock is bald now...you don't know...maybe he shaves his head so he can have his shine on. Please just get the hell away from me and go find somebody else to be judgemental with and compare notes with them.
#2....If we really didn't know each other 30 years ago, what magic in 'reunion' would make us enjoy spending time together now?
And the #1 Reason I Won't Be Attending My 30 Year Class Reunion.........
I just don't give a shit!! I don't care....simple as that. I'm not trying to be cruel, I really do hope everyone is happy and content in their lives, but those lives are so far removed from mine that I can't muster the energy to give a shit. So why would I go to visit with all these people I won't see again...most likely EVER....to learn about their lives, like I am suppose to care, and to pick up all these lame promises about getting together again soon...which of course we never will..... It just doesn't make any sense to me. We all got older, we all had at least one marriage or serious relationship, most of us had kids and they have since grown up. I don't even know them, why would I want to sit around with a polite smile on my face and listen to every little thing about them?? Don't care!!!
Okay, I realize that being female, I am suppose to desire details and retain all that info to pass on to somebody else after the reunion, but honestly...I just don't care. It might be different if someone in my class moved in next door, or worked in the same building...but being as far removed from me as everyone is....I just can't seem to make myself give one hairy rat's ass.
The really interesting thing about 30 years later, is that with the aid of FaceBook I have had the chance to reconnect with a few in my class and have really enjoyed sharing in who they are now. Most us didn't even run together in high school, but have formed a humorous bond of sorts thur our inbox comments. Now THAT I enjoy!! That I care about....That touches my life TODAY. And if I had the chance to get together with those chosen few, I'd jump on it with bells on!!! But the entire class?????? I think not!!
I got together with several women from my class several months ago. A few of them I had been good friends with in school, some of them I just kinda knew from a class. It blew me away to see how little some of them had changed. If you are my age...spitting distance from 50....then I don't think I have the grace to sit with a polite smile on my face and visit with you about your new store bought titties, (God NO!! I don't want to see/touch them!!), or all the guys clamoring for your attention on the Internet dating sights, or how your newest bed buddy is your daughter's age. Or..how your new boyfriend is so much nicer to your kids than your last one...they just hated him...Really? How long did you date him??......Oh gosh we were together 8 years.....Are you fucking kidding me? You dated a guy who was mean to your own children for eight fucking years????!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! Can I have a little depth here...can I rise above the shallow murk? How could you have come this far in life and not matured?!!! I just can't be around females at this age who haven't grown comfortable with themselves or know how to stand up for themselves or their kids. Oh sure, we all want to loose a few pounds or wash out the gray and everyone likes to avoid confrontation, but I've been around several from our class in recent months that have lower self esteem than when we were all in junior high....REALLY???? How does this happen? I just can't relate!! Haven't we all had a few hard knocks that made us grow and mature by now? Who are these people who have had life so easy as to still be the naive little twits they were in school? It blows my mind!! I'm afraid I'd go postal if I had to listen to too much for too long. Now that would make for some great local paper headlines!! "Woman goes postal at her class reunion...she claims insanity from having to listen to all the B.S." I use to think I was just going on in life at a normal rate, but now I have a feeling that all the difficult times I've lived thru have warped me beyond compare. Not sure how I ended up with this "This is me, take it or leave it and I don't give a rat's ass" attitude, but it sure comes in handy now!!! I just wish I would have had it 30 years ago!!
No...I'm quite happy remaining at home this weekend. Put up 13 quarts of spaghetti sauce and the clothesline is full...and Mr Fixit just backed in with his big service truck...back up alarm blaring and the puppies howling at the sound...or maybe just from the excitement of 'Daddy's home!!" ....I bought ribeyes for the grill and the beer is on ice......yes, I keep a cooler in the house filled with beer and ice all summer cause......I WORTH IT!!! LMAO!!! I hope we all have a wonderful weekend....and if you'll excuse me....mine is about to start!! :)
Bet you thought I forgot, didn't you......THAT folks....is the DILL PICKLE 'BOUT THAT!!!!!!!!
I don't want to.
#9....Somebody has to stay away so they have somebody to talk about.
#8.....I can't remember half their names, nor do I want to try to learn them all, over the course of a weekend now.
#7.....Because people who show boat their possessions, education, careers or kids in anyway make my fricken ass twitch. And I would be the lucky one who ended up sitting at a table with two or more in a full blown contest to see who could out do the others.
#6....I don't care how fat the head cheerleader got, bless her heart, somebody buy her a $5 footlong.
#5....After 30 years, you could pretty much write off 85% as complete strangers.
#4.....If people fall out of your life as time goes on....there is usually a good reason.
#3.....I really don't enjoy gossip. So what if the football jock is bald now...you don't know...maybe he shaves his head so he can have his shine on. Please just get the hell away from me and go find somebody else to be judgemental with and compare notes with them.
#2....If we really didn't know each other 30 years ago, what magic in 'reunion' would make us enjoy spending time together now?
And the #1 Reason I Won't Be Attending My 30 Year Class Reunion.........
I just don't give a shit!! I don't care....simple as that. I'm not trying to be cruel, I really do hope everyone is happy and content in their lives, but those lives are so far removed from mine that I can't muster the energy to give a shit. So why would I go to visit with all these people I won't see again...most likely EVER....to learn about their lives, like I am suppose to care, and to pick up all these lame promises about getting together again soon...which of course we never will..... It just doesn't make any sense to me. We all got older, we all had at least one marriage or serious relationship, most of us had kids and they have since grown up. I don't even know them, why would I want to sit around with a polite smile on my face and listen to every little thing about them?? Don't care!!!
Okay, I realize that being female, I am suppose to desire details and retain all that info to pass on to somebody else after the reunion, but honestly...I just don't care. It might be different if someone in my class moved in next door, or worked in the same building...but being as far removed from me as everyone is....I just can't seem to make myself give one hairy rat's ass.
The really interesting thing about 30 years later, is that with the aid of FaceBook I have had the chance to reconnect with a few in my class and have really enjoyed sharing in who they are now. Most us didn't even run together in high school, but have formed a humorous bond of sorts thur our inbox comments. Now THAT I enjoy!! That I care about....That touches my life TODAY. And if I had the chance to get together with those chosen few, I'd jump on it with bells on!!! But the entire class?????? I think not!!
I got together with several women from my class several months ago. A few of them I had been good friends with in school, some of them I just kinda knew from a class. It blew me away to see how little some of them had changed. If you are my age...spitting distance from 50....then I don't think I have the grace to sit with a polite smile on my face and visit with you about your new store bought titties, (God NO!! I don't want to see/touch them!!), or all the guys clamoring for your attention on the Internet dating sights, or how your newest bed buddy is your daughter's age. Or..how your new boyfriend is so much nicer to your kids than your last one...they just hated him...Really? How long did you date him??......Oh gosh we were together 8 years.....Are you fucking kidding me? You dated a guy who was mean to your own children for eight fucking years????!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! Can I have a little depth here...can I rise above the shallow murk? How could you have come this far in life and not matured?!!! I just can't be around females at this age who haven't grown comfortable with themselves or know how to stand up for themselves or their kids. Oh sure, we all want to loose a few pounds or wash out the gray and everyone likes to avoid confrontation, but I've been around several from our class in recent months that have lower self esteem than when we were all in junior high....REALLY???? How does this happen? I just can't relate!! Haven't we all had a few hard knocks that made us grow and mature by now? Who are these people who have had life so easy as to still be the naive little twits they were in school? It blows my mind!! I'm afraid I'd go postal if I had to listen to too much for too long. Now that would make for some great local paper headlines!! "Woman goes postal at her class reunion...she claims insanity from having to listen to all the B.S." I use to think I was just going on in life at a normal rate, but now I have a feeling that all the difficult times I've lived thru have warped me beyond compare. Not sure how I ended up with this "This is me, take it or leave it and I don't give a rat's ass" attitude, but it sure comes in handy now!!! I just wish I would have had it 30 years ago!!
No...I'm quite happy remaining at home this weekend. Put up 13 quarts of spaghetti sauce and the clothesline is full...and Mr Fixit just backed in with his big service truck...back up alarm blaring and the puppies howling at the sound...or maybe just from the excitement of 'Daddy's home!!" ....I bought ribeyes for the grill and the beer is on ice......yes, I keep a cooler in the house filled with beer and ice all summer cause......I WORTH IT!!! LMAO!!! I hope we all have a wonderful weekend....and if you'll excuse me....mine is about to start!! :)
Bet you thought I forgot, didn't you......THAT folks....is the DILL PICKLE 'BOUT THAT!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Speechless
So, I've taken on this new project at work...cause I had to much time to kill...and cause I hate being bored at work when they keep telling everyone to stay off of FaceBook ....so what the hell do I do with my time??? You can only play computer cards for so long before you start dreaming of pitching your stapler at the next person to walk by your door.....
So yeah, I took on all the fuel tracking for our 10,000 plus pieces of equipment...It's something to do, and after a month of it now...I'm on top of it all in my own little anal systematic way. Everything is running smooth as silk which is so much better than it was before I took it over.
And then there's the fact that nobody in the company has gotten a cost of living raise since the summer of 2008. I guess they were all freaking out last year with the up and coming hush hush company buy out....but hey...I was getting super sick of stretching the budget to cover all the increases we've had in the last two years....everything goes up...and most of the time, a cost of living raise doesn't even cover the inflation increase since the last one. So, yeah, I'm a fool for taking on extra work, but I like it so much better to have a busy day. I'm a good busy person. I don't sit well.....I think we've already covered that in a previous blog.
So anyways, the boss comes around with the paychecks today...mine is just paper...I love love love that auto deposit!! And she mentions as she's tossing my check on my desk...(I am buried up to my eyeballs in fuel receipts I'm keying into the system for all our clear diesel trucks) that she really appreciates all my extra effort and there's a little something extra in here for me. And I'm thinking really???? What??? Automatically my mind goes to Clark and Cousin Eddie in Christmas Vacation...It's a full year subscription to the jelly of the month club....That's the gift that just keeps on giving Clark!!! LOL But really...what? I've given up on raises...I've given up on a lot of shit going right at Fools, Inc. So, I'm kicking ass to get the last of the fuel receipts into the system..which I knock at right at four...and I shut down my office in lightning speed and get my ass on out the door. And I get home and Mr Fixit wants to know if I have his check in my purse from work...(yeah, he works there to, but out in the field fixing the big ass equipment and getting greasy dirty cause he thinks that's cool)...and I think OH YEAH....I got a little somethin' somethin' in my envelope!! So I open it up.
It's a raise!!! It's a fucking raise!!! We weren't suppose to get any again this year!! Nobody else was jumping up and down and smiling on the way out the door tonight...It was a big ass raise!!! Holy Shit and Hallelujah I'm speechless. Thank you Jesus for these awesome unexpected surprises in life!!!!! And now...a dinner of celebration at Dukes!!! I heard the margaritas there are to die for!! :) Oh crap...I almost forgot...That's the dill pickle 'bout my BIG ASS RAISE!!!!
So yeah, I took on all the fuel tracking for our 10,000 plus pieces of equipment...It's something to do, and after a month of it now...I'm on top of it all in my own little anal systematic way. Everything is running smooth as silk which is so much better than it was before I took it over.
And then there's the fact that nobody in the company has gotten a cost of living raise since the summer of 2008. I guess they were all freaking out last year with the up and coming hush hush company buy out....but hey...I was getting super sick of stretching the budget to cover all the increases we've had in the last two years....everything goes up...and most of the time, a cost of living raise doesn't even cover the inflation increase since the last one. So, yeah, I'm a fool for taking on extra work, but I like it so much better to have a busy day. I'm a good busy person. I don't sit well.....I think we've already covered that in a previous blog.
So anyways, the boss comes around with the paychecks today...mine is just paper...I love love love that auto deposit!! And she mentions as she's tossing my check on my desk...(I am buried up to my eyeballs in fuel receipts I'm keying into the system for all our clear diesel trucks) that she really appreciates all my extra effort and there's a little something extra in here for me. And I'm thinking really???? What??? Automatically my mind goes to Clark and Cousin Eddie in Christmas Vacation...It's a full year subscription to the jelly of the month club....That's the gift that just keeps on giving Clark!!! LOL But really...what? I've given up on raises...I've given up on a lot of shit going right at Fools, Inc. So, I'm kicking ass to get the last of the fuel receipts into the system..which I knock at right at four...and I shut down my office in lightning speed and get my ass on out the door. And I get home and Mr Fixit wants to know if I have his check in my purse from work...(yeah, he works there to, but out in the field fixing the big ass equipment and getting greasy dirty cause he thinks that's cool)...and I think OH YEAH....I got a little somethin' somethin' in my envelope!! So I open it up.
It's a raise!!! It's a fucking raise!!! We weren't suppose to get any again this year!! Nobody else was jumping up and down and smiling on the way out the door tonight...It was a big ass raise!!! Holy Shit and Hallelujah I'm speechless. Thank you Jesus for these awesome unexpected surprises in life!!!!! And now...a dinner of celebration at Dukes!!! I heard the margaritas there are to die for!! :) Oh crap...I almost forgot...That's the dill pickle 'bout my BIG ASS RAISE!!!!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Woo Hoo
I got a "Woo Hoo" yesterday...'bout blew me away!! I haven't had one since I can't remember when...I think there was even a whistle in there..or maybe it was just some young testosterone squeal. Hard to say. I was helping the little Bohemian move her things into to the new place and something fell out of one of the many clothes baskets of CLOTHES that child has and I set the basket down and bent over to retrieve it....putting the old ass up high in the air...and just about that time a car of guys must have driven by. I'm straining my back mind you, as I bend over to grab some item or other...maybe it was a thong and that's what they were holloring about. But never you mind...my ass was in the air and I HEARD IT....A WOO HOO. I wanted sooo bad to pop up and turn to see who was verbally appreciating the old flabby ass stuck all up in the air as it was...but I was afraid...I didn't want to scar these poor kids for life...they were probably hung over from the night before....and I'm sure their eyes were blood shot and they had lost their glasses...so the old flab must have looked firm to their party-tired eyes...and I really didn't want to freak them out by turning around and having them look into the face of Phyillis Diller....ya know how that is...whistle at a cute backside and she turns around and it's your grandmother!!!! So.....I just smiled and threw the clothes back on top of the basket and picked it up and headed to the duplex door....Oh yeah baby....I'm STILL all that and a dill pickle on the side!!! LMAO!!!!!
So yeah, the girls are all moved in now. It's a much nicer place than where we moved them out of for sure!! Clean carpet and freshly painted walls...three full bathrooms and a fenced in backyard for the granddog. They even have an iron patio set...SHIT their place is nicer than mine for the love of GOD!!! What the hell is wrong with this picture!!! We pull up loaded for bear with a truck and car trailer cram packed and a mini van busting at the seams...and that's really just two girls worth, mind you...and all I could say was DAMN!!!! This place is NICE!!!!! Even the Water Boy and his buddy, one of my kidz, the HomeComing King who followed behind us to help...(Thank God for young handsome men's muscles) had some nice things to say...until we went inside...and their they were...those fucking stairs....The first thing out of Water Boy's mouth was "Oh FUCK!! STAIRS!!!...How many bedrooms do we have to carry shit upstairs for???!!!!" Uhhhmmmmmm, well Precious...all of them!! LUFF YOU!!!!! Yeah, I'm sure the Gypsy had to spring for a lot of beer for all that sweat...but I'm the Momma...and I'm not to know of such things...so I will pretend that I don't know about that....:P
So yeah...we start in around 10:00 AM...I'm just rearing to go for the first five or six loads up them damn steps and then ....Holy Fuck....how much shit do we still have left???!!!!! Yeah, I'm old and the stairs had me huffin' and puffin' and cussing and finding any excuse I could not to have to go up them anymore. Son of a MUTHER!!! Why can't you guys rent a ranch style house??!!!! Mattresses and box springs and bed frames and dressers and laundry baskets of clothes times 200 and boxes of bullshit and OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST SET THE REST OF THIS SHIT AT THE CURB!!!!! But finally everything was empty and we just plopped down in the A/C on the freshly washed carpet and moaned and groaned and breathed....and once the sweat dried off our bodies...movement began...first it was Mr. Fixit....who was smart enough to make a bee-line for the door and his truck with attached empty car trailer before any of the room mates showed up to beg his help. Little Brother...my beloved Water boy...and his buddy the HomeComing King were not so lucky...Long called...yeah, that's his name, get over it!! The only male brave enough to move in with this house of hormonal winds....he's from Taiwan...and he's very proud of his country...but whenever he brings it up I have to bite my lip to keep from busting out laughing...cause all I can think about is that line from the Armageddon movie where the Russian astronaut is banging on the space ship with a big ass wrench screaming...Russian components...American components...ALL MADE IN TAIVAN!!!! LMAO Okay, so anyways...Long calls...and needs a little help...so the Gypsy does what she does best...charms her little brother and his friend into making a trip over there with her to help load a bed and huge ass TV. I think there was some mention of 'herb' in the bribe and charm...but I'm the momma...so I didn't hear ANYTHING!!!
And me???? Well the whole damn house clears out and I turn into my mother and start to set things right. I have moved several times in that last 40 some odd never you mind how many years, and every time I do, my mom is there. I don't ask her to help...she just knows I'm moving and she shows up. She has this thing about putting the kitchen and bathroom together as well as making sure all the beds are set up and made up for the coming night before she will leave. It's her thing....I don't ask her to do it...I think she does it cause she wants to make sure it's done. Every surface in the entire kitchen is wiped down with pine sol water so SHE KNOWS it's clean. and the same goes for the bathrooms....and she can't leave without making sure her daughter and her grandbabies have a bed made up to sleep in that night. Fuck the pictures and the throw rugs and all the other boxes of shit...makes no never mind to her...but by God that woman is gonna make sure you can eat, shit, shower and crash in your own bed at the end of the day. I bought the house I have now 10 years ago, and my mother...at the age of 73, was up on a step stool wiping the top kitchen cabniet shelves out...I shit you not...with me telling her to get the hell down and let me do it and still...she stood her ground and made sure she got the job done RIGHT. Gotta Love that woman!!!! And I...being older...and at peace with the fact I have turned into my mother...set out to do the same yesterday in my girls' new place. Call me stupid, call me crazy, call me insane...I'll agree with it all...but by God if my mother, at the age of 73 could do it 10 years ago, I can do it now!!! And I did.
Then I had to drive all the way home to get the grandpets...cause I didn't want to take them the first trip and have them under foot while we were going in and out...and I couldn't fit all the shit I washed and folded back into the same van I took it out of..so fuck it...I waited and took it on the second load...and I am whipping in and out of all the other trucks/trailers/cars/vans loaded down with shit to the breaking point, cause all of this college town was moving from one place to another yesterday...and my van pretty much empty now...I'm smiling and waving at all those poor suckers who still have to unload all their SHIT...and then I pull up to the new place...and their is the Bohemian's car....she just got off work...and she's there to unload...and HOLY SHIT, you can't see out of her back window...and the trunk is cram packed full...and hell here we go again with those fucking stairs!!!!! And once again I'm huffing and puffing and cussing and ready to hurt somebody...and it's the next to the last laundry basket of yet another load of clothes...I swear to GOD these girls could dress all of Kansas out of their damn closets.. and SHIT something falls off the top of this overflowing clothes basket and I have to bend down to pick it up and the back is screaming and the legs are howling and then I heard it...."WOOOO HOOOO!!" and maybe a whistle...the blood was rushing to my head in such a roar I can't be certain...might have been a higher pitched yell...but yeah...there it was....some car load of hung over guys wooo hoooing at my tire ole aching ass all stuck up in the air as it was. Yeah...I don't give a shit if they were hung over and their blood shot eyes could not make out the veins running up my legs or the fact the gray hairs were all tucked up in a bun on the back of my head. It was a woooo hooooo and it was MINE!!!!!
Yeah baby...mine all mine...a Wooo Hooo from a car load of guys in a college town. Go ahead, be jealous!!! I'd do my little HA HA HA dance, but my legs are still aching to bad to get off this computer chair....and that...my poor bitches who didn't get a wooo hooo yesterday...is the dill pickle 'bout THAT!!!! LMAO....now...who the hell wants to get over here and give me a back rub??!!!
So yeah, the girls are all moved in now. It's a much nicer place than where we moved them out of for sure!! Clean carpet and freshly painted walls...three full bathrooms and a fenced in backyard for the granddog. They even have an iron patio set...SHIT their place is nicer than mine for the love of GOD!!! What the hell is wrong with this picture!!! We pull up loaded for bear with a truck and car trailer cram packed and a mini van busting at the seams...and that's really just two girls worth, mind you...and all I could say was DAMN!!!! This place is NICE!!!!! Even the Water Boy and his buddy, one of my kidz, the HomeComing King who followed behind us to help...(Thank God for young handsome men's muscles) had some nice things to say...until we went inside...and their they were...those fucking stairs....The first thing out of Water Boy's mouth was "Oh FUCK!! STAIRS!!!...How many bedrooms do we have to carry shit upstairs for???!!!!" Uhhhmmmmmm, well Precious...all of them!! LUFF YOU!!!!! Yeah, I'm sure the Gypsy had to spring for a lot of beer for all that sweat...but I'm the Momma...and I'm not to know of such things...so I will pretend that I don't know about that....:P
So yeah...we start in around 10:00 AM...I'm just rearing to go for the first five or six loads up them damn steps and then ....Holy Fuck....how much shit do we still have left???!!!!! Yeah, I'm old and the stairs had me huffin' and puffin' and cussing and finding any excuse I could not to have to go up them anymore. Son of a MUTHER!!! Why can't you guys rent a ranch style house??!!!! Mattresses and box springs and bed frames and dressers and laundry baskets of clothes times 200 and boxes of bullshit and OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST SET THE REST OF THIS SHIT AT THE CURB!!!!! But finally everything was empty and we just plopped down in the A/C on the freshly washed carpet and moaned and groaned and breathed....and once the sweat dried off our bodies...movement began...first it was Mr. Fixit....who was smart enough to make a bee-line for the door and his truck with attached empty car trailer before any of the room mates showed up to beg his help. Little Brother...my beloved Water boy...and his buddy the HomeComing King were not so lucky...Long called...yeah, that's his name, get over it!! The only male brave enough to move in with this house of hormonal winds....he's from Taiwan...and he's very proud of his country...but whenever he brings it up I have to bite my lip to keep from busting out laughing...cause all I can think about is that line from the Armageddon movie where the Russian astronaut is banging on the space ship with a big ass wrench screaming...Russian components...American components...ALL MADE IN TAIVAN!!!! LMAO Okay, so anyways...Long calls...and needs a little help...so the Gypsy does what she does best...charms her little brother and his friend into making a trip over there with her to help load a bed and huge ass TV. I think there was some mention of 'herb' in the bribe and charm...but I'm the momma...so I didn't hear ANYTHING!!!
And me???? Well the whole damn house clears out and I turn into my mother and start to set things right. I have moved several times in that last 40 some odd never you mind how many years, and every time I do, my mom is there. I don't ask her to help...she just knows I'm moving and she shows up. She has this thing about putting the kitchen and bathroom together as well as making sure all the beds are set up and made up for the coming night before she will leave. It's her thing....I don't ask her to do it...I think she does it cause she wants to make sure it's done. Every surface in the entire kitchen is wiped down with pine sol water so SHE KNOWS it's clean. and the same goes for the bathrooms....and she can't leave without making sure her daughter and her grandbabies have a bed made up to sleep in that night. Fuck the pictures and the throw rugs and all the other boxes of shit...makes no never mind to her...but by God that woman is gonna make sure you can eat, shit, shower and crash in your own bed at the end of the day. I bought the house I have now 10 years ago, and my mother...at the age of 73, was up on a step stool wiping the top kitchen cabniet shelves out...I shit you not...with me telling her to get the hell down and let me do it and still...she stood her ground and made sure she got the job done RIGHT. Gotta Love that woman!!!! And I...being older...and at peace with the fact I have turned into my mother...set out to do the same yesterday in my girls' new place. Call me stupid, call me crazy, call me insane...I'll agree with it all...but by God if my mother, at the age of 73 could do it 10 years ago, I can do it now!!! And I did.
Then I had to drive all the way home to get the grandpets...cause I didn't want to take them the first trip and have them under foot while we were going in and out...and I couldn't fit all the shit I washed and folded back into the same van I took it out of..so fuck it...I waited and took it on the second load...and I am whipping in and out of all the other trucks/trailers/cars/vans loaded down with shit to the breaking point, cause all of this college town was moving from one place to another yesterday...and my van pretty much empty now...I'm smiling and waving at all those poor suckers who still have to unload all their SHIT...and then I pull up to the new place...and their is the Bohemian's car....she just got off work...and she's there to unload...and HOLY SHIT, you can't see out of her back window...and the trunk is cram packed full...and hell here we go again with those fucking stairs!!!!! And once again I'm huffing and puffing and cussing and ready to hurt somebody...and it's the next to the last laundry basket of yet another load of clothes...I swear to GOD these girls could dress all of Kansas out of their damn closets.. and SHIT something falls off the top of this overflowing clothes basket and I have to bend down to pick it up and the back is screaming and the legs are howling and then I heard it...."WOOOO HOOOO!!" and maybe a whistle...the blood was rushing to my head in such a roar I can't be certain...might have been a higher pitched yell...but yeah...there it was....some car load of hung over guys wooo hoooing at my tire ole aching ass all stuck up in the air as it was. Yeah...I don't give a shit if they were hung over and their blood shot eyes could not make out the veins running up my legs or the fact the gray hairs were all tucked up in a bun on the back of my head. It was a woooo hooooo and it was MINE!!!!!
Yeah baby...mine all mine...a Wooo Hooo from a car load of guys in a college town. Go ahead, be jealous!!! I'd do my little HA HA HA dance, but my legs are still aching to bad to get off this computer chair....and that...my poor bitches who didn't get a wooo hooo yesterday...is the dill pickle 'bout THAT!!!! LMAO....now...who the hell wants to get over here and give me a back rub??!!!
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