Sunday, December 5, 2010

Make it special

So, every year now for the past five or so....since my kids have all grown up and lost that Christmas Magic in their eyes and voices....I have been struggling to make Christmas special again. For me mostly, cause it was to alive and magical with little kids in the house. Shopping was such a joy and a challenge as most of the time they were with me in the cart when I was buying their Christmas surprises...I got really really good at being sneaking....moms are like that ya know. But now it's mostly cash gifts, and they have to tell me what they want, cause I don't know them well enough to know what they really really want anymore...mainly cause they aren't under my roof and I'm not supervising most of their activities any longer. And the magic and joy are gone. It's all just work now...which I end up resenting....all the decorations and cooking and wrapping and cleaning....on top of all the work week and laundry and grocery shopping....Makes December the Work month instead of the Worship and Celebrate month and I hate that!! I loose the whole meaning behind Christmas. I HAVE to get that back!!!

So each year I come up with a theme. Or maybe just something different to focus on. One year I did an in depth study on the gifts the wise men brought to Baby Jesus and what those gifts may have been had they come in this time. It was a lot of fun, and spiritual in a lot of ways. I passed copies out to all my friends in our Bible group so see what they thought or might add. NOT unlike this blog....0 Comments. It really hurt, but doing the study did make it more special for me and I shared what I had learned about frankincense and myrrh with my kids when we opened our gifts and THEY liked it. Last year I decided to make a recipe for "Having a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" Instead of just wishing people that worn out phrase, I told them HOW to have one. It's all about joy, which can only come from the heart, and that means love, and love means giving. That's very condensed, but you get the idea, so I told them they would have to be givers thru out the year if they wanted it to be a "Happy New Year". I printed out a bunch of those papers and put them on all the little gifts I passed out to my friends and all my kids friends that are kinda my kids now. I actually did get one response...in a big way. Which was awesome and bittersweet at the same time. It was from the very well to do attorney my Gypsy was dating, and then broke up with the first part of December. She knew it wasn't going to work out, and just didn't want him spending tons of money on her and then it ending in January.....well, I still went to his place to see him, all heartbroken over loosing my little Gypsy girl, and I gave him some presents, mostly homemade, and the letter. He enjoyed it. He reposted it on his attorney blog for all his KU students, and then spend Christmas with close friends in Florida, who spent a day passing out envelopes with cash to people in need they randomly met on the streets there. Now if I had a lot of money to throw around....THAT'S something I would LOVE to do!!!!! What I found the most amusing about that Christmas theme, was the guy who took it to heart the most isn't even a born again Christian!!! How bout that for the love of Jesus touching lives!!!

SO, here we are again in December....and all that WORK is looming on me again and I have to come up with something to make the major reason for the season real to me once again. How do I do that? And then it came to me. It's the Little things that matter the most, and make the biggest difference. A little baby laid in a feed trough made the biggest difference in the world. A little town in the middle of nowhere became the birth place for the saviour of the world. A little gift of a few fish and a few pieces of bread fed the multitudes. My little birds at the feeder outside my window bring me the most contentment during winter. A shy little smile from the child in the shopping cart ahead of me at Walmart brings me more joy than anything in my cart. Its the little notes someone sends to me on FaceBook that make coming home after a hateful day at work the sweetest. Yeah, it really is the LITTLE THINGS in life that make it the best, and the most joyful and the most fulfilling. So that's going to be my theme for me this year. Stop trying to make it all BIG AND LOUD AND COLORFUL AND HUGE....and just concentrate on the little things. I may even go get a little fake Charlie Brown tree to decorate this year since our new antique (wow, that's an oxymoron isn't it) wagon wheel table with the glass top is taking up the space I use to put the big ass Christmas tree in.

I'm going to sit down this year, and celebrate the LITTLE THINGS. It's okay if you want to go buy huge gifts and do your holiday up big. You go on and getRdone!!! But it's not really about big gifts or big money or big displays. It's about little thoughtful things that make a big difference. It's about little steps that start a journey of a lifetime. It's about little words of encouragement that keep mailroom boys striving to meet their goals and becoming the president of the company. It's about little smiles and expressions of love that turn somebody's day around at the grocery store or the post office or the gas pump. For me this year, it's going to be a Little Christmas. At least that's my goal. Make this Christmas Special and Real and Magical for me....cause I need that. I need to find the Baby Jesus and the joy of the angels singing again this year.
And that's the dill pickle 'bout that!!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

0 Comments

Dear Diary,

Well, I'm thinking this will be a far better place to store my hidden thoughts than anywhere else on earth. So...what are my hidden thoughts?

I'm almost to the point of being pissed at God for NOT helping me find a church to attend. I need that...grew up with it...miss it madly....things are spiraling out of control in my world and I need an anchor. But no.....no divine help from above over a good place for me to worship. Maybe that's the point....maybe He's so sick of the way organized religion has gotten He can't even find a decent church.....that's NOT helping my stress levels!!!

I'm overly tired of all the strain in my world...Mr Fixit is still not happy at his new job...he likes the work, hates the politics. My job is insanity with the new computer system bearing down on us and even my boss has no clue how things are going to work, or who is gonna do what when January 1st rolls around. Instead of things slowing down for the end of the year and having a lot of free time to shop and get ready for Christmas, we are all balls to the wall to learn this new system....which just sucks!!! I loved my job....will I love it after the first of the year? Remains to be seen.....Water Boy is recouping nicely from surgery...still has a whole that looks like ribeye steak, but it's smaller and getting better all the time...and I have mastered the Gauze Queen Role better than I could have imagined...now my Bohemian is having emotional meltdowns over the stress of school and work and dyslexia.....I hate to listen to her cry over the phone....rips my soul....I fight the urge to throw on jeans and drive to her little world every time. And then there's the pain in the neck and shoulder, which I have recently learned is NOT because I'm out of alignment...its all just stress.....GREAT!!!! And when you dump all that in a bowl and stir, you'll find it adds a delightful strain on the great thing Mr Fixit and I have...which is the last straw for me.....nowhere to run to now folks!!!!

Christmas is upon us and I can't seem to get excited. Got some stuff ordered on line...and really don't have a lot to get this year...it's all different now. Just cash and a few little things wrapped. Do I like Christmas with adult children? I'm thinking NOT. I miss the Barbie campers and the Leggo sets and the squeals of delight and the wrapping paper bomb that went off in the midst of our holiday gathering. It's not the same anymore, and I'm sad about it. Will their kids bring it all back for me? Will they have kids? If I follow the star will I find the Baby Jesus this year?

Okay...good thoughts....let's find the blessings......After scrubbing the kitchen floor yesterday and getting all the dirt out of those little holes, one of the dogs pissed on it last night!! I find that hysterical....they never pee on the kitchen floor....I guess they had an opinion to share about a clean floor. Hummmmm maybe I should hook them up with a blog too!!! I'm still laughing about it!! And quite frankly I second the motion...Piss on scrubbing this floor on my hands and knees!!

Mr Fixit has the day after Thanksgiving off AND that Saturday too!!! He wants to go car shopping for me!! This is exciting!! We can't find what I want on the net....apparently everyone who owns a Subaru Forrester that's three or four years old wants to hang on to it. I don't like the new body style after 2009...I want an older model...but there are none to be had anywhere within a 100 miles of here....CRAP!!! So we are looking at Honda CRVs...there are several of them around...might end up with one of those....I'm just asking God to hook me up with whatever He knows I'll end up loving....hope He has better luck with a car than a church!!

Thanksgiving is this week...that's a blessing too. It will be good to be around lots of family on both sides...two big meals...two dessert tables....and it will be great to come home to a quiet house at the end of the day...good good good all the way around. The Gypsy is even bringing her new boyfriend to meet the family at my mom's. This is really nice...she's finally found somebody she likes...I hope it lasts.....I have canned vegetables in my kitchen cabinets older than her last few relationships put together!!

I still have mum's blooming in the yard. This is the best of all. I can see them from my home office. They help me tremendously.....hardly little bastards, aren't they!!! They smile and wave and tell me to hang on....I'll have a yard full of blooms again in just a few short months!! Thanks girls....you are the shit!!!!

So, dill pickles all the way around.....and 0 Comments...but then, I don't need them for my private little thoughts now do I!!

Monday, November 15, 2010

The autumn of my discontent

Well, it's just 6:00 and the world outside is dark....I feel like I ought to be getting ready for bed. I hate standard time...the sun is not yet up when I drive to work, and it's setting by the time I get home....where is my sunshine???? I feel like my tropical hybiscus look.....light deprived!!!

I am still stuck playing nurse...which is not now, nor will ever be my strong suit when it comes to open wounds and blood. Still have a damn elephant on my chest...and now I have the pleasure of kicking myself whenever I want to whine about it, cause I think of all the people who have had a loved one dying at home from cancer or something....and I think of how much stress and strain they must go thru...and I'm all out of sorts cause I change gauze twice a day....how lame. It would be better if I could take a long walk on a road with no dust....or play in my flowerbeds..all but dead and put down for the coming winter. The garden is disced and covered with shreaded leaves and needs no care anymore.....and the only thing calling my name these days is the dirty house and I'm pretty much shouting back for that bitch to shut the hell up!!!

I'm still waiting on Mr Fixit's new insurance to send us sign up packets...still waiting to have this tooth worked on that is driving me crazy and to go see a chiropractor about how crappy the neck and shoulders feel...it's even worked it's way down my left arm and it hurts when ever I lift it. Whine whine whine.....I need a trip to a tropical island for a few months....just still spring hits here is all...and I'll be fine...honest I will!!!

Is anybody else getting excited for Christmas? I can't seem to get my game face on and Black Friday is next week....not that I go charging out with the other loonies at 4:00AM, but I do love to hit Michaels before 11:00 and stock up on yarn and the those big jars of scented candles. This year the kids all want money...and I don't have a problem giving that out...it's always the right size and color and goes with everything else they have!!!! But if I'm going to the hassle of putting up our tree, I have to have some gifts underneath of it....just having trouble trying to find little things for each of the kids this year. And then there is all the shopping...which I normally love to do, but NOT on a budget for 16 nieces and nephews or grand nieces and nephews on Mr Fixit's side that I don't have a clue what to buy for...and trying to keep it under a $100.00...which is all he says he's wanting to spend....maybe this year it will be gloves and candy canes for all!!! LOL

I have offically decided to change the name of the company I work for...Fools Inc just no longer fits as we draw closer and closer to the date we are suppose to be going live on the NEW computer system....I think "We Don't Give a Fuck" Inc is far more appropriate as time passes. I must hear that phrase at least three times a day....will any of you people be around once the stock gets paid out????? I'm thinking NOT!! Guess we'll find out.

Okay...well, I'm done talking to myself for now....I think a hot shower and some supper plans are in order. And I have a kick ass book about a psychic in an old civil war house to finish too!!! Wait...it's Monday....that' means I have some shows on tonight I like to watch.....hell I can't even remember which ones they are...but it's all good...the DVR is set to tape them...guess I'll just wait to see what pops up on my recordings and then say..."Oh yeah...I love that show!!!"

I'm not even sure there's a dill pickle to these ramblings...but it's Monday, and I have survived...so who gives a rat's ass!!! :)

Monday, November 1, 2010

The aftermath...

So, Water Boy had surgery on Friday....just a simple out patient thing to remove a cyst on his lower back....which turned out to be three and a crater hole that the surgeon refers to as his 'shark bite'. Yeah...it's huge and nasty....and NOT what I was expecting at all.

So we get home around 2:30 and he is feeling pretty good for surgery and all...the recover nurse suggests we start him off on something light, like chicken noodle soup and crackers...just in case the anesthesia messes with him....so five minutes after we leave the hospital, we pull into McDonalds cause he is jonesing for a double cheese burger and fries.....okay...we may not be the best ones to follow the rules...but I really did try....honest....but actually he pretty much had me hooked with the fries.....so....we get home and he settles into my computer desk to play on line for a while and I start up laundry and making a shopping list for the big Aldi's/Walmart run and he starts calling for me in this weird voice and so I walk back into my computer room to see what's up....and he's in the bathroom....I can tell he's in the bathroom cause there's a trail of blood from the computer to the bathroom....he was sitting on two big bed pillows and both of them are soaked clear thru with blood and it's on the chair....which he is apologizing to me for, but I can't hear him, cause my eyes are glued to all the blood from my baby boy all over this room.....OH MY GOD!!!!!! He's BLEEDING TO DEATH OH HELP ME JESUS LORD, LOOK AT ALL THIS BLOOD!!!!!!!!
(followed by hysterical screaming....)

Now...that's what I said...loudly....in my head.....no body else heard it...cause I can do that when I get really scared and freak out....I can just stand there with this dazed look on my face...but inside I am going off like a black woman at a family funeral...loud...hystercial...spare no dramatics. And I turn to my son...who is sitting over the toilet....still in my flannel pants and all the bandages from surgery and you can hear the blood dropping drop my drop into the toilet water every second....sounded like a second hand grandfather clock ticking....and I am grasping for a sane thought....like oh I don't know...WHERE'S MY FUCKING PHONE!!!!!!!

Soooo I call the surgeon's office...and I get a nurse...who patronizingly tells me there is to be some drainage...that's normal....and I calmly inform her that there is blood dripping everywhere and this is a little more than drainage and I'd like to get it stopped ASAP preferable before my son bleeds to death...what would she suggest...... Now in my mind, I'm plotting the fastest drive back to Lawrence Memorial and how I am gonna get my baby to the van and loaded in comfortably and how many blankets, pillows and plastic trash bags to keep the blood off my car seat that I'm going to need and this crazy calm bitch on the other end of the line starts talking about just apply pressure to the incision. Well dear...there isn't an INCISION...it's a big ass fucking hole here...so she tells me to go ahead and put pressure over the hole and see if I can stop the bleeding. And then suggests I call back in 15 if I haven't slowed the bleeding any. Oh you idiot from hell, do you have any idea who you are talking too????? At this point in the game, the room's tempature has gone up 25 degrees...I want to start peeling clothes it's just way to hot in here....my ears are plugged and all I can clearly hear is my own heart beat....all the colors in the room have faded to black and white and off shades of gray....I can't breathe...OMG look at all this blood!!!!!!!

Some how....I'm voting it was the grace of God, I grab hold of my son and we make it to the livingroom and he lays down on the futon...fuck the plastic...I'd never make it back to him...and I put some pressure on his back over all the blood soaked gauze and close my eyes and try to breathe....Now Water Boy...he's a little shaken, but he takes one look back at me and starts laughing...MOM...you are white as a sheet...are you okay??? SURE...SURE I AM...I always look like this on Friday afternoons....But he reaches back and puts his hand over mine and says "I got this mom...go sit down somewhere and have a smoke and relax....it will be okay" SO....I do, I leave my bleeding child to hold his own wound and grab a smoke and take a step outside til I am cool and I no longer hear the my heart beat in my ears...and I think...how pathetic of you sister, get your ass back in there and take care of your boy...sooooo I do. I go back in and apply some more pressure, but we still have blood flowing and I am to the point I may not be able to hold some foul words and screaming back....but just as I reach for my cell phone...with blood stained hands, mind you, it starts ringing...it's the surgeon's office calling...this time it's a nurse who has talked to the surgeon...and has undeserved blessings tend to show up at just the right time in my life, it's a woman I know from school...her daughter graduated with my bleeding son, no less...so she tells me exactly what to do and how to do it and for how long and together we get the bleeding to stop.....then she tells me she will swing over on Saturday and have a look if I'd like and she gives me her cell phone number so I can call her if we have any more problems that night...BLESS HER HEART!!!!

SO HALLELUJAH...we get the bleeding to stop....we get all the blood soaked outer gauze replaced with dry clean stuff and he is laying down quietly and in no pain...THANK YOU LORD, and I smoke one more cigarette and start in on clean up....pillows and towels and sheets and blankets....everything off the futon and the rugs in the bathroom.....I have to mop blood off of floors and off the toilet seat and down the hall to the living room.....looks like we had a murder in the house....but I get it all thru the laundry and cleaned up and keep a dreadful close eye on him. If he moved it bled. If he had to get up to pee, it bled. If he rolled over to take pills or eat, it bled. The only time it seemed to stay quiet is when he laid on his stomach...and then he got cramps in his back after a while and he'd have to roll, get up, go pee...something...and it would start up again......two rolls of paper towels later......and a couple more blanket changes off the futon...we had made it thru the night and into the next day....when Pam came over and changed out all the outer layers of gauze and brought a huge supply with her for me to continue using. Saturday was better, Sunday was better than that...today we went in to the surgeon's office and he changed out the inner packing to this huge gaping hole and showed me how to do it...which I will have to do twice a day for the next week. I did not pass out during this demonstration...but the room did start getting way to hot for a little bit.

So....I HAVE to do this...and I will. This is my son, he has to have this packing changed twice everyday to heal right...and there is no one else that is around to do it for him...so I'm gonna do this, and I will do it right and I'll make it thru, cause I have to....for him.....but in the mean time, any suggestions on how to get this elephant off my chest? It's two days later and I am still a nervous wreck inside...oh I can function beautifully....almost got all my Monday work done even being gone the last half of the day, but inside....I can still hear that black woman carrying on and on and on. Something about blood that I just can't handle. Well, I'm a pro at scrapped knees and the like....I can handle a bloody nose or your average cut...but you get it flowing out of person or animal and I start loosing it. Why is that?!!! I can't even watch somebody getting stuck with a needle!!!!! You can puke all over me or my house...no biggy. I can clean up the worst diaper ever known to mankind...not a problem. But bleed profusely and I may very well be going down. I HATE THAT!!! It's absoluetly shameful, but that's how it is. And I am gonna be way out of my comfort zone pulling gauze out of and stuffing it back in a huge hole in my son's back. But I'm gonna get it done....and scream for all I'm worth inside. Oh yes, and carry this damn elephant around on my chest....breathing...it's SOOO over rated!!!!
And that's pretty much the dill pickle about my weekend.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Stockholm Syndrome

Do you remember spending time with your grandma, or perhaps a great aunt or uncle..someone old enough to have lived thru the Great Depression? I'm at an age where it was my mom and dad who made it thru as kids. They didn't talk much about it until you wanted to buy something they deemed as 'expensive' and then you got to hear all about how bare and empty a time it was. And then there are all their crazy habits that they never seemed to shake. Like reusing EVERYTHING until it was so used up you couldn't tell what the hell it had been when it was new. To this day my mom will still try to wash the plastic forks and spoons from a a family gathering...you'll find her digging in the trash to salvage the solo plastic cups..."Mom!! What the hell are you doing???" And she will give you one of the exasperated looks she is well known for and proclaim, "They're still good..there's nothing wrong with these, I'm washing them up for the next time." My sister and I have a good laugh every holiday as we pit ourselves against our 82 year old mother to see who can get the disposable items in the trash and out of the house before she can dig thru it and 'rescue' those "perfectly good, you can't just throw them away" items. I think she goes out with a flash light after we have all gone home and gets them back out of the trash bin anyways!!! We think it's hysterical, and we laugh about it every time the whole family gets together, but that's my mom for ya.

My dad was the same way, he would salvage "perfectly good part"s off everything from lawn mowers to dead cars and when somebody came over with some engine that had been proclaimed 'dead', my dad would hunt around in his shop, find a replacement part and have the damn thing purring like a kitten in no time. He made a lot of poor people's days as he'd open that shop garage door and say roll it in here I bet we can get a little more out of her. And he always could. He didn't throw it away unless it was truly dead....it was a lot of fun hanging out in his shop...the smell of grease and oil and gas and old men talking their talk. I learned a lot of very colorful cuss words out there!!! As well as the names of almost every tool my dad owned and what he used it for. He'd lived thru hard times....he knew how to save what was saveable cause ya just never knew when somebody might need it.

Oh I don't want to say my parents were hoarders. We didn't live in piles of junk at all. They just knew how to stash the 'keepables' and my mom had a grocery sack with butter bowls and lids as well as paper sacks and worn out jeans cut up for patches on ones that could be patched and my dad had coffee cans full of every screw and bolt under the sun...trust me...he could find one to fit...just give him a few minutes. To this day, I hear their voices in my head if I try to throw out a freezer bag that has no holes, or the extra screws that come in something you bought that said "some assembly required"....As I head to the trash can I can hear them both shouting, "You better keep that, never know when you are gonna need it.....You can't throw that out, it's still perfectly good.....You'll be sorry you were so wasteful down the road!!!" OH ALRIGHT for the love of God, shut up...I'll keep/wash out/reuse/save the damn thing back...just shut up...you aren't even in my house for crying out loud...how come you can shout so loud in my head?????

So I have spent a lot of time laughing over the years at how 'crazy' my parents acted all thru my years with them.....and then......last night....it hit me. I have it too. Holy Shit!!!! I'm actually trapped in a mind set from years of living just above the poverty line and I keep deferring to it like an old trusted friend even thought I'm no longer there. WHAT THE HELL???!!!!!

It happened at the Renaissance Festival and I just laughed it off....oh yeah, wait, I don't have to just look and dream, we really do have some bucks to spend here....but then....I realized last night, it happened again!! I have a much younger acquaintance who is now selling Premier Jewelry, and she is hosting this party where all the proceeds will go for cancer research and she invited all her facebook friends to the party. Well, I'm really not into that kind of jewelry...if you want me to go all out, you need to make a road trip with me to Arizona and hit up all those road side stands of turquoise between the Grand Canyon and Flagstaff....but anyhoo, I replied that if she sent me a book, I'd take it to work and try to round up some orders for her. Well, she sent me the book, and I did make sure it made the rounds and I brought it home Friday night. Mr Fixit saw the book and asked about it, and I told him the deal and he said I should pick something out and he'd buy it. So I looked again...not a lot that really turned my head, but I showed him a couple things and then started bitching about the price. $45 for a pair of earrings????? You gotta be shittin' me!!! I'm not spending that kind of money on earrings for crying out loud!!! Well, Mr Fixit informed me that if I wanted them, I should order them...he'd pay. I wasn't even biting...we are NOT spending that damn much on a pair of fucking earrings!! So he said to keep looking...and I did, pretty much with the same response several times over....He finally gets pissy about it and says to pick out something or by GOD he will and he's not even joking about it now!!! Well SHIT!! I'm not about to spend that kind of money on jewelry out of a party book and now I'm ready to go to war......but I kept looking and finally found a pretty cross and heart necklace for under $25.00. So I show him the piece and tell him I think I'd like that. OKAY??!!!!! Have we got a settlement now???? NO, no we don't. He tells me he likes the necklace, but I should pick out some earrings too. OH WHAT THE HELL DUDE!!!!! And we are pretty much shouting at each other over this stupid over priced jewelry and it hits me. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM WOMAN????? The man wants to buy you something...why are you fighting him over it? And that's when I realized the problem.

Just a few short years ago, $45.00 would have been the difference between having lunch money for all three kids or not, it would have meant having enough to cover the house phone and the water bill or not, it would have been the difference between being able to put a decent supper on the table for a week or not. It was a LOT of money to me once upon a time and not something I could ever dare throw away on something non-essential. And here I am...a few years later...in an empty nest, with a man who makes more than enough, who'd like to spoil me a little...and I am freaking out about the expense. OH MY GOD!!! I have it now....I have TRULY become my mother after all!!!!

I tried to shrug it off in the warm light of day today....I did...I laughed about it on the way to town. No, that can't be right....I just didn't really like the jewelry...that's all!!! I hit Lowe's for some cans of spray paint needed to cover the rust spots on my "new swimming pool" stock tank for next summer. And I browsed thru the bird feeders and the garden sections...just looking around...even found some things I liked....but backed away...."I really don't need this", seemed to be the theme in my head. Then it was on to K-mart....I wanted to pick up some more sweatshirts for Mr Fixit for his work...and I browsed the movie section...but passed up a couple I'd liked....cause....they will be cheaper later on and I'll get them then.......and I'm at the check out line and I pass up the Coke cooler....I'm thinking....I'm headed home, I can wait till then and it suddenly snuck up and bit my ass. Oh You Do Have It Sister!!!! You have the 'Stockholm Syndrome" of hard times. You're thinking in friendly terms towards this mindset that has you being a tightwad when you have no need now. You can't buy a movie if it's not on sale....you can't buy an unneeded item if it's not under $10.00, you can't even talk about a new car, cause you start freaking out about the cost of taxes and insurance and how the damn thing depreciates the second you drive it off the lot. You've got it girl...you are your mother....Oh NO!! Does this mean my kids are laughing at me behind my back????? WHAT AM I SAYING, they laugh at me all the time to my face!!!!!!! Maybe I haven't been saving back screws and freezer bags to shut up my parent's voices in my head...maybe I've been doing it all along because that's who I've become. Is there a cure? Is there any hope? Will I ever shop at Dillons and buy a name brand item of food?!! I'm all confused now!!!

Well, I am going to order a pair of earrings to go with my necklace...but damn it I didn't stop looking til I found a pair under $25 that I liked. Oh yeah, I've got it bad. But awareness is the first step....and that is the dill pickle bout that.....on the clearance isle of course!!!!!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Taking Stock

Okay...so this work week was bad, way worse than bad...it was hideous...NOT because of what I do, or what the work load was...it's cause there's one person in the office who never makes a deadline and has no reason to miss them...and then that puts all the rest of us stepping and fetching to deal with her bringing stuff in that HAS TO GO, way AFTER the deadline. She sucks, but that's not even the worst of it...she never gets in trouble for it...cause the boss over us broke her 'give a shit' a long time ago and she just doesn't want to deal with it. I really don't think she is going to stick around to much longer than when all the stocks get paid out from the company buy-out. But anyways...I was suppose to take Friday off on a vacation day, and I ended up having to go in, cause I didn't get all MY stuff done Thursday afternoon, cause I was working up a SECOND CHECK RUN for the incompetent idiot who fucked off all week and didn't have her shit to me on time. BITCH!!!! Okay...so I was foaming at the mouth so badly Thursday night, that Mr Fixit calls me on his lunch hour Friday to find out if there are any dead bodies he needs to come haul off quietly, or if there is any blood shed we need to mop up and douse with bleach. We are experts on that on account of we are BIG CSI fans!!! No...I haven't gone postal dear, and thanks for asking.

So, I was still pretty ticked off on Friday, especially when the Bitch took off early after she caused me so much extra trouble and then wouldn't even look me in the eye and apologize for it....as a matter of fact, she avoided me like the plague all day Friday...which was actually in her best interest. But I finally got out of there and went to do the grocery shopping. I did remember to take the recyclables...YEAH for ME!!! And I did take a detour to JC Pennys, cause they have a pretty big sale going on right now....got a couple pairs of jeans for half price...so I am good to go this winter on jeans for work, and some new bras...which were way more than I would normally spend, but they were buy one get one for $.88....so hey, maybe these will hold up way better than the walmart ones I usually get and I will look killer hot in them!! And that did help my mood...plus I got home early and helped Mr Fixit...who dropped the mower down low and did a once over the yard....he wants it short and sweet when the fall leaves start coming down as this year he has his huge beastly bagger and we are gonna suck them all up and top off the compost pile with leaves...whoo hooo. But anyways, we have a pear tree in the middle of the yard, and it drops pears all the time....the honey bees LOVE IT...so as he was trying to mow, I got out there with a rake and a bucket to gather up the fallen pears. They aren't like the kind you buy in the store...this pear tree is different...I wonder if the folks who planted it years ago knew that???? The pears don't ripen on the tree...no matter how long they hang there, they won't ripen....not til they are off the tree, and sit for a while. So...here I am...gathering up bucket after bucket of fallen unripe pears....lots of them chopped in half....cause Mr Fixit thought they'd be easier to gather with the grass low around them...NOT....go mow somewhere else for a while you TWIT!!!! Anyhoo...the exercise and fresh evening air made me feel loads better...even better than shopping...WTH????? And it was later in the evening...as I was trying to read a new murder mystery novel I couldn't get into, and being serenaded by Mr Fixit's snores in the recliner next to mine....that I came to think I should take some stock in how good I really have it and stop this fussing and cussing and foaming at the mouth.

SO....I am THANKFUL....yep...that's what I said....I am THANKFUL that I have been blessed with kick ass organization skills and I don't have a problem working to meet a task or a deadline....that's a gift...and one that comes in way handy...so I am grateful for it. And I'm grateful that in this day, I have a job and it pays well and it's close to home and I have a boss who lets me do it the way that works best for me...which is awesome!!! And I'm thankful I have a wonderful husband who actually GETS ME, and who enjoys spending time with me cause he's weird like that. I'm very blessed to have my home and my big yard and the ability to get out and enjoy it....to have my health...we just never have a reason to go to the doctor, and that's a big gift too....and for my happy healthy kids and their wonderful lives getting started in young adulthood. And for my dogs and cats and all my birds coming to the feeders. Yeah, I really have it way way good. So, it's okay if somebody jacks with my work load and I miss a day off....it's not the end of the world...although it did lead me to declare that Friday was National Get Your SHIT TOGETHER Day....it was not the end of life as I know it. It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna lay this anger down and get on with my happy happy life. Yes, I know....in a couple weeks she is gonna pull this shit again...cause she can get away with it...and I am gonna come unglued at the seams again...and rant and rave and foam at the mouth some more....but until then...it's time to just be grateful that life is good....even if I am about to spend my Saturday morning cleaning the house so it can get uncleaned just as quickly right behind me....it's okay..It's all good...I have taken stock...and been found to be overflowing.....with a beautiful pink sunrise to boot!!!! Think I'll go set on the patio with a blanket and watch!!!
And that's the dill pickle bout that!!!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Running in place...

I'm all about wasting my time and energy. It's just what I LIVE for!! Like let's just take for instance....ohhhhhh I don't know....there are sooooo many to pick from...how but house cleaning. Yeah...that's a good one....that's one that's still making my ass twitch.

I ran errands on Saturday morning and hurried...YES, I HURRIED home to get the house cleaned as it hasn't seen much attention in a while and has reached the point that even I must exclaim as I walk thur the door....OH MY DAMN!!!! Yeah, it's reached the hateful stage where I just want to turn around and walk back out. I know it's all my shit...not like I'm going to catch a disease or anything...but still....ya just never know....soooooo I start in...dusting and sweeping and mopping.....scrubbing bathroom sinks......at which point I generally start cussing the sadistic bastard that came up with the idea to make them all white or cream or some light color that stains....and instead of making things fun...and running and jumping into the huge pile of swept-up pet hair that has accumulated on the hard wood floors, I get it all piled up and into the trash....I THOUGHT about it....that makes me young at heart....but I scooped it all up and got it...well, most of it...into the trash....that makes me a cranky old bitch who just wants to get the house clean so I can go do something I actually enjoy on my Saturday off. I even dragged out the mop and put a shiny gleen on the floors from the bedroom thru the kitchen.....and then I got a text and an invitation to go drink beer with a friend I haven't seen in a long time....so yeah, it was a tough call, but I made it......sometimes ya have to be responsible and finish something you start. Sometimes you have to put off fun and get your work done....sometimes you have to buckle down and just getRdone......this was NOT one of those times....of course I ran away to go drink beer with an old friend...are you crazy or what?????!!!!!!! It's fucking Saturday for crying out loud!!! Needless to say...I never made it back to the house cleaning project...I'm not shedding any tears about it.

So...I get up today....big Sunday to finish up what I know I will not be able to make myself do after working 9, 9.5, 10 hours everyday....yeah, work is insane right now...but I will enjoy the overtime check eventually...so it's all good....I'm all mature and shit so I can put off gratification for a while....I just know I'm going to be a worthless lop for the rest of the week and if I want it done....today is the day!!! So....I'm going to 'finish' cleaning the house right??? But here is the problem.....I can't tell today where I started and where I left off at!!!!! I shit you not....the half of the house I cleaned...LESS than 24 hours ago is now quite pitted again. Those beautiful hardwood floors in my office...covered with puppy prints and drying leaves and blooms from the tropical monsters I brought in last week to save them from the frost....yes, they are so grateful that they are doing their big shed since they aren't getting direct sunlight anymore. Thanks you ungrateful assholes....sure...go ahead....drop shit all over the office....you know the puppies love a new thing to shred.....which brings me back to the floors.....I don't really have a clue what they pulled from the trash....because it's only in about 2,000 pieces all over the office floor....tiny little pieces of paper or something....thanks my little Angels...mommy loves you so much....now get your carnivorous asses outside!!!!!...All the flat surfaces I painstakingly dusted with my handidandy little Swifter duster that smells like lavender and vanilla....you can write your name in them again....left a window cracked to get some fresh air...and road dust back into the house....I don't think it could stand long without it!!!! So yes....less than 24 hours and I need to start back at ground zero. So it will look nice for....oh golly...let's be generous and say 12 hours.

Why? This is the big thought running thur my head this morning. Why? What is the fucking point???? (oh alright, I'll credit the quote to my middle child...The Bohemian...but damnit the girl got a POINT!!!!) What is the true objective here? So see my pretty floors for a few hours? Seems pointless to go the extra effort and work to get them there for such a short time....I'd rather set up a thousand dominoes and watch them fall.....get's about as much accomplished...don't ya think??? Why do we do this? Why do we keep cleaning things to watch them get undone as fast as we do them? I'm having some TROUBLE with this one. Any one care to explain? If I left it go long enough....I'd have a pet hair carpet...and then you wouldn't see all the pet hair gathering in the corners!!!! Get rid of the pets and the old man?....actually I'd rather dig out my heart with a blunt spoon.....I can't live without my family....they stay.....so, here I sit....trying to decide what I can do that will last for more than a few hours....what meaningful thing can I take down that will make a difference in the world today. What can I exert my mind and energy on that will better all mankind......Well...I'm all about happy mediums......so I'm gonna broom ALL the floors and finish the laundry....and then...since I have a WHOLE DAY with Mr Fixit...I'm gonna drag him out to the patio and drink beer. ITS A PLAN FOLKS.....running in place sucks like no other......but I guess I can get thru it if I know there's a reward at the finish line....so to speak.....and a few beers and laughs with Mr Fixit will make a great reward....and then we'll come back in later tonight....and wade thru the fresh layer of dust and pet hairs and whatever the hell got shredded thru the course of the day...and we'll call it a good day off....cause that's just how we roll out here in the sticks!!! We can live with the dust and the pets and the plant droppings and still enjoy our home and our life here...what little bit we get to actually stay here and enjoy. We don't have to worry about getting our hair just right for the pictures in the Better Homes and Gardens photo shoot. We don't have to worry about the President and his wife stopping by for afternoon tea and a discussion on how fucked up the economy is...We don't have to deal with anyone who will turn their noses up at the pitiful sight our house is in....we've run them off years ago. Yes, I'll sweep up the mess again and make sure we have a path to the clean bathroom...wait...is that a toothpaste spot on the mirror??? Oh SON OF A MUTHER!!!! Okay...so I'll give the bathroom mirrors a quick once over again...and make sure we have clean dishes in the kitchen and we can find our way to the recliners tonight and can see thru the dust to the flat screen and we are gonna call it good...yep, that's how we roll out here in the country....Yep, that's just how we roll the dill pickle bout that!!!!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Empty Nesting

I found myself coming upon a thought today on the short ride home from work...it happens...coming up on a thought and a short drives home from work. I had just come from the store...stopped in after work to pick up a couple quick things I was out of...and I ran into an acquaintance who was having a shitty day. So we talked for a minute and she asked if we were going to the bar tonight for tacos.....maybe...I didn't really know for sure...and then I started for home. The concept of going to the bar for supper would never have come up a few years back. No extra money and kids in the house to raise. And I started thinking how shitty my life might be right now with out Mr Fixit in it. You see for years my kids were the end all be all of my existence. They were my sun and moon and midnight stars. After two divorces, my thoughts pretty much ran something like, Men come and men go, but my babies are my babies forever. And that still holds true today...they still are my kids and I still love them and I would still give them my last dime, but somewhere along the way they got a hold of those independent minds that I purposely raised them to have, and they found their own lives and their own ways and moved out and on down the road. Them sons a bitches abandon me is what happened!!! LOL And for all the years I poured myself into them, I never really ended up with a life of my own. Even after they moved out and off to school and work and their cool rentals and such, I still ended up pouring myself into their new lives and just never really worried about getting one for myself....but now....suddenly...it seems that I actually can. That's freaking and exciting and scary all at the same time!! I have a multitude of options now that I never had before, and I don't have a clue which one to take.

And it occurred to me today how lucky I am to have Mr Fixit in my world. He's like a permanent fixture now. So even though them brats grew up and moved on, I'm not alone. I have a playmate to run with everyday. And not just some guy that I've grown apart from over hundreds of years of doing our own thing, but a buddy who likes to do the same things I do, and suddenly we have extra play money and we both just stare at each other and laugh...okay...THIS is IT....we've got to find some LIVES!!!! How cool is that...to have the chance to go for something new and different and exciting in our worlds now....or I guess you could say how LAME is that, that we are just now deciding it's time for us to decided what the hell it is WE like and want to do with our lives. LOL Take your pick...I think I'll go for a heaping spoonful of each!!! :)

We headed out Sunday to the Renaissance festival in Bonner Springs. We haven't been in years...couldn't afford to go for one reason or another....spent all the money on getting kids in school and sport supplies and blah blah blah...but all that is behind us now...and we could actually afford to go and to BUY SHIT!!! Wow!!! So we went and walked around...I looked and looked at all this totally cool shit there, and finally Mr Fixit says, haven't you found anything you like yet??? And I say SURE I have, but it's all kinda expensive.......you see....I'm still in that mind set..of Look but don't touch....Browse but don't buy....get ideas to make something like this at home for the kids for Christmas, but don't burn all your money on it, or you won't be able to buy a soda for the way home......Well....Mr Fixit had to kick my ass into a new gear...I think it was overdrive...but you'll have to ask him, cause he's the mechanic of the household...anyhoo...he says, You point to something, or I'm gonna just start buying some shit for you!!! Well....since you put it THAT way.....so found some really cool Celtic design ear rings, and we found some cool pottery shot glasses....I doubt we will ever use them, but I thought the design they had made on their style of pottery was so eye catching and Mr Fixit wanted to buy some of it for our house...so four shot glasses it was....and then we went by this tie dye shop and he all but drags me in there and I pick out this amazing sun dress in greens and blues and lacy tie ups and uneven hem lines and it was just the SHIT!!! And we bought turkey legs and beer and lots of fun things....even flowers....cause the big titted girl hawking them would NOT leave us alone. And I HATE roses, and Mr Fixit knows that...but she had one stem of painted daisies and he paid her twice the asking price....cause she was one hell of a salesman!!! And we finally found a neat pottery bowl for this table he now has....it's a real wagon wheel with a team harness for the legs...and the hub sticks up higher than the glass top...so I was looking for something to set on top of it....and we found a really cool bowl with little straws coming up out of it to hold flowers....it's actually like a vase, but it's big and glazed and beautiful and looks really good on the table....I cut the daisies he bought for me down and put them in it when we got home.

It was just so strange to go and have money to play with and pick out things that WE wanted and not trying to buy for all the kids....as Mr Fixit it put it....FUCK them kids..WE'RE the kids now!!! So we played like kids and had a blast....gray hairs and wrinkles and all...we were feeling like the teenagers we passed by....except we had far more of our skin covered and far less tatoos and piercings...but you get the idea!!!! It was a crazy wonderful day of youth and ya know what...I think I liked the hell out of it!! I think I could go for another one just like it!! I think this empty nest shit is the BOMB!!! Oh don't get me wrong...I do miss my kids...and I do still worry about them...but there is a wild heady rush in this freedom we now have....and I think it may be addictive!!! MUWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! ( the evil laugh)

So....come on by...but if we are not here...it's cause we have finally figured out we can go get a life and that's what we are up to...cept of course for when it's shitty cold out...then I won't be leaving the house....being old and having an empty nest means you can come and go as you please, or NOT as you please.....it's pretty much a win win situation....and I'm gonna have to think up something super wonderful to do to spoil the old man.....cause he really is making this part of my life a lot of fun. I'm grateful he's around...and my kids really ought to be too!! It's easier to let go of them when I have somebody else to hang on to.

Oh, and the big news of the house is that Water Boy just took his big Air Force tests and did super on them...like way above the passing mark and that means he can qualify for just about anything he wants to aim for...like being a pilot. SO YEAH for my smart son. I was secretly hoping he'd fail miserably and have to stay here with mommy for ever...but of course I didn't raise him to be a dumb ass, and so long as I can take some of the credit for his intelligence, and YES, I'M GOING TO!!!!!, then I will let him be a smart ass and head on down his happy little flyboy path...after all.....Mr Fixit and I have places to go and things to do and people to see!!! We are on a quest for our own lives.....THIS is gonna be wicked crazy fun!!!!
And that's the dill pickle bout that!!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Stalling.........

Yes I'm stalling right now....it's time to make salsa...I have all the bags of tomatoes out of the deep freeze.....that's how we do it....pick em as they rippen and blanch, peel and throw em in freezer bags til I have enough to do a huge batch...cause it's a big ordeal to get everything chopped up and in to a pot and canned....I don't even think about it til I have a huge amount...which is why I've been putting it off...this year just sucked for tomatoes...but, it's gonna get down into the 30s tonight and in the coming week and the rest of the tomatoes will not be seeing red on the vine...time to pick them all and throw them in. This isn't the first year I've had to improvise.....salsa is pretty much what ever you want...I've known folks who threw in corn and shredded carrots and black beans and whatever you have around to make it a decent sized batch....one year I think I threw in everything but kitty litter....and I may have added some of THAT!!! This year I'm added green tomatoes too and we are gonna go with a salsa verde kind of a thing.....I've got three bunches of celery and four bags of onions and garlic...oh yes and green/banana peppers coming out of my ass....so yeah...some red tomatoes and some hot peppers and I've got some kind of garden veggie thing going down in the pot on the stove today!! Or at least that's the game plan....I've yet to get started...well...I HAD to blog about it first!!!

Yesterday my boss hugged me.....can you believe it? She hugged me? Now what the hell brought that on? I did ALL the office cleaning chores...cause no body else will and sometimes I just feel like being the kind considerate woman my mom tried to raise.....and it was the end of the day and my work was done....the office looked good...it's 15 minutes to 4:00 and I hand her my time card....which says I worked til 4....and I say "I'm taking the mail to the post office and I'm outta here, I just can't work in these conditions....it's too clean in here, it's too quiet, and it's too sunny outside...I'm outta here sister!!!" And she stopped in her tracks walking back to her desk and she turns around and throws her arms around me and gives me a big hug and tells me thanks for all my help. WTF??!!!!!! Kinda threw me for a loop....but it was nice just the same!!

Another totally weird thing going down right now is money. I have it.....and that's some weird freaky shit folks!!! Mr Fixit got a new job with a whole lot more money coming in the door every week...and suddenly...all the bills are paid and the groceries are bought, we've started up a savings account to stash back funds to build him a nice big garage and I STILL HAVE MONEY. Like I have cash left over in my wallet....how wild is THAT?!!!! And here's the really weird part...I don't NEED anything. Now...what the hell????? I'm serious...I have a closet cram packed with clothes and shoes....granted...I need to dig out the winter ones, but still...I have everything I need and a lot of shit I don't. What am I gonna do with this money? Do you think I should just carry it around....I don't know if my wallet knows how to do that? She's strictly a plastic card kinda gal....I could be over loading her at this very minute!!! I should go shopping and find something to buy....Mr Fixit needs some new shirts and maybe some new 501s, but no, no...this is just to freaky to shop with cash....I'm going to hide out at home today and contemplate the meaning......and make salsa of course....that ought to keep me out of trouble for the entire day!!

Soooo....I really need to get started....it begins with rearranging the entire laundry room so I can pop open the door to the basement...it's one of those floor door thingys...and haul up my huge canning pot....and the pressure cooker and the jars and then I'll need a nap....and then I have to chop up tons of fresh veggies.....yes by hand..... all day..with sweat dripping off my face..(she says as she hauls out her handy dandy food processor) and then I'll need another nap....and then bringing it all to a slow boil in a huge pot WITHOUT burning what's on the bottom...that's always fun....and sloping most of it in jars and not all over the stove, walls, floor, myself....that's the tricky part....yeah it's gonna be a long haul today...but hey....I'm down to two pints of salsa from last year and I can't survive a winter without it...so......here we goooooooooooo
And that's the dill pickle bout over here today!!!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Back to the grind

You know you are getting older when you don't plan a damn thing for your birthday and it goes along smooth and uneventful and you are quite pleased at how it went by the end of the day. Happy's blog says it's the little things that make life wonderful...I say it's the absence of the big shit!!!

I didn't have to get up and get ready for anything. I LOVED that!! I ate gooseberry pie for breakfast and didn't even care when I got a seed stuck in my old ass teeth! I played in the yard and finished planting a shit load of bulbs that were so beautiful in the store all packaged up with pretty pictures and became something akin to tiny little hard dog turds I would have rather thrown by the time I had dug the eleventy-seventh 6" hole to put them in. But it was still great...the sun on my back...dirt under my fingernails...(yeah I'm weird like that...what's your point?!!)...the puppies lounging beside me in the sun....peeking at me occasionally for what I was sure to be a memorization of each little hole I dug so they could come back thru the next morning and dig them all up...but so far.....they are all still snuggly-bug in the earth and ready to do their big "Spring Dance" for me next year.

I dragged the old man out to the picnic table in the late afternoon and we sat there sipping beers and enjoying the sunshine....which he claims he special ordered for me just for my birthday....thanks Babe!!! He's real special like that. And we yawned and stretched and talked about doing something of value for the day.....which was great....TALKING about it...but of course you don't have to get things done on a birthday....so naturally we just sat there and didn't get up unless we were headed in for another round.

I got to laugh at the laundry pile and the dingy hardwood floors I had just mopped the day before....sorry...can't mess with you today...it's my birthday and I am NOT working on a damn thing!!! Guilt free laziness...oh man it was awesome.

I guess we could have gone somewhere and did something....but I didn't want the big shit....I just wanted a down day....and that's what I got...and it was wonderful. I found myself thinking how pissed I would have been about 25 years ago...that nothing happened....that nobody pulled out all the stops for me....that I didn't have anything big to go and do and snap pictures of and remember.....that's just one of the many gifts of old age....we don't give a shit about the hoopla and crap anymore.

So....I get back to the grind today...and there's all the young girls at work...wishing me a happy belated b-day and wanting to know what I got.......What I got? Oh you mean like presents? Well let's see...some of my favorites were.....I got to visit with all three of my kids on Saturday night....wrap my arms around them and stick my nose in their necks and snuggly for a moment. I got to spend some time with my favorite brother who was up this weekend from Arkansas. I got to eat some of my mom's gooseberry pie which is just better than anything else on earth!!! I got some kick-ass morning sex!! I got to spend time outside with Autumn sunshine on my face...which is priceless to me, cause you never know how much longer you are gonna get it. I got to play with puppies and cuddle with an old Shepard gal who loves me muchly. And I got to laugh so hard beer almost came out my nose at something the old man tossed out there. He always says the craziest stuff!! There were a lot more things besides that, but those were some of my favorite birthday gifts. They thought I was nuts, and could not grasp the fact I didn't unwrap anything...well, I guess I opened up a card my mom gave to me for my birthday along with the gooseberry pies at the family gathering Saturday night...does that count?

The best gifts in life don't come from the store or in gift wrap...you silly little girls. Man I am so glad I have gotten older and can actually enjoy who I am and where I'm at and life in general. I wouldn't trade one laugh line or one gray hair for anything else. If I would have known it was gonna get this good at this age, I'd have gotten here a LOT sooner!!! LOL

Yeah, I'm not 50 yet, but I can spit and hit it from here...and that's just fine with me.....turning 50 will be just fine with me....more grays and wrinkles and flab will be just fine with me. It's good to be at a place where little things reign supreme and the big shit has taken a hike!!! I don't even mind I'm back to the grind....how awesome is that.....of course it could just be that old age has demented my mind and I can't remember how crappy my day was....Who cares!!! Brain Farts are a blessing too!!!!! And that's just the dill pickle 'bout that!!!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Dealing with Life...you know..that thing that happens while you were busying making other plans....

So....big birthday weekend. Yeah, I like to have one of those every year or so....I have to stop and think....I'm pretty sure I'll be 48...but I'll have to get the calculator out to double check the math...Mr Fixit and I will be the same age for exactly 33 days...and then he has to get older than me again...I LOVE IT!!! So I am the old lady (cause I call him the old man and then suddenly I am his age...SHIT)...for 33 days...and then for the other 332 days he gets to be the OLD MAN again. It's totally fair in my book!!

So I take Friday off, cause nothing makes for a great birthday better than a three day weekend. And I'm planning to go garage sailing...but nobody I usually hang with for treasure hunting can go...no biggy...I'll go myself...I even looked up the sales and make a list....But then this past week we had a 'kid' crisis and had to go Mr Fixit's oldest son's house to bail him out of a jam. And I took all these clothes and things I've been finding for all the grandbabies over there...and nobody was happy about it.....nobody wanted to look thru the sacks...and yes...there were several for each child....nobody said thanks....nobody cared. I did get a comment from Mr Fixit's daughter over her big ass sack of baby clothes for the one she is expecting in January.... "Yeah, I'll have to look thru all that and see if there's anything I can use". Really???? Well SHIT!! SO I am a little bummed about all the time and effort picking up stuff to help them out and save them money...and suddenly I really don't give a shit weather I garage sale on my big birthday weekend or not. Especially since it won't be a social event...screw it...I'll go SHOPPING!!! I haven't been thru Kohls in a long long time...and there are a few other shops I wanted to check out and cool...yeah...this is what I want to do!!!!

So plans are made and then comes Life....Water Boy....he's had what I thought was a boil on his tail bone before...no biggy...hot compress...bring it to a head...it pops like a zit and heals up and goes away....right??? Well, not this one...so, I call and make a dr.'s apt for him on my big Birthday Friday off...we'll go see the dr....and then go shopping!!!!!! (He is less than jumping up and down excited about that part) And so 10:00 am...we make our appointment...and then we sit....and we wait....and we wait some more.....watching The Price is Right....and by the way, Where the hell is Bob Barker???!!!! Did he die or something??? Anyhoo...the show gets over, I can't believe the price of some of that stupid shit on that show.....but there we are...an hour later...sitting.....still waiting....The Water Boy...he's actually pretty cool about it...just hanging...me? I'm trying to discreetly wipe the foam gathering at the sides of my mouth. DON'T waste my time here people? I made an apt one hour into your happy little doctor day...how can you be this far behind already???? I had to make a scene...not terribly bad...but enough to let them know I didn't appreciate my valuable time being sucked up by their inability to keep to a schedule. And just what the hell is up with that anyways? After all these years and doctor's offices still haven't figured out how to schedule people so they don't have to wait for days in their waiting room???? Now what the hell?!!!

Well anyways...we are there a grand total of two and a half hours....now I'm pissed AND hungry. Boy I'll tell ya, IHOP really does mean it when they say come hungry and leave happy. I was in a better frame of mind.....but Water Boy ...he had his 'boil' poked and prodded and renamed...it's actually a cyst. WHO KNEW??!!!! So he doesn't feel like shopping, so we head to Walmart to grab just the few things I needed for Saturday and his prescription and well, he found a couple movies he KNEW I'D LOVE to see...so what the hell....it's my b-day weekend and I didn't get to do anything on my fun list...let's get them.....after all it's WALMART and you know how I get when I'm in that store!!!!

And then I get home....and I'm thinking...ya know what...I'd love to just play in the yard...yeah, that's what I'll do!! I'll plant those bulbs I bought during a recent Walmart binge and I'll just have fun diggin in the dirt...which is really MY THANG...but, silly me....making plans...I couldn't find half the shit I needed to play in the yard with....and by the time I did...Mr Fixit was coming home and then we had his big agenda.....mow and smoke ribs and get ready for Saturday night. (My brother is in town this weekend and the whole family is coming out tonight for a big family gathering with ribs and steaks and Mr. Fixit is running amuck...eyes glazed over that everything is RIGHT) Okay...you go with that baby...I'll just be over here out of your way...hollar if ya need me!!! So...finally......just about dark...I get to put a few bulbs in the ground...but have to stop cause...I can't fucking SEE what I'm doing and it's COLD!!!

Today....Day 2 of the big birthday weekend...I get to clean house...so it can be trashed before the sun goes down....and fix up the patio all pretty....so I can clearly see the trash left behind later tonight....oh yes and run back to Topeka to pick up a bride's maid dress for The Gypsy...who needs it next weekend. NO PROBLEMO!!!!!

And I'm thinking....why did I make any plans? I know LIFE will show up and have her hateful little way!!! She's an old bitch with a mean humor streak if you asked me!!! But it's all good. Somewhere along the way I got to spend some good time with my son.. I got to see Happy for a moment at the post office coming back from town....I'll have the whole family out to enjoy tonight...and my house will look good...for about an hour....and it's all working okay for me. Odd isn't it!! Life is gonna happen just to spite your best made plans, so I'm just gonna roll with it. I'm thinking I may have to find a StarBucks on the way back with the bridesmaid dress too, cause, after all...it is my Birthday Weekend!!!!

And tomorrow....NO PLANS.....I may finish planting my bulbs...OR NOT....I may go out to eat...OR NOT....I may take a nap after re cleaning my house...OR NOT. Who the hell knows...it's up for grabs people....no plans for LIFE to fuck with...which is probably gonna make it a great day...and great days are the best ones to age on!!!

And that's just my dill pickle bout that!!!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Walmart Binges

Damn those Walmart peoples!!! I hate them all!! I go every other Friday night...about $200 to $300 worth of a cart packed to the gills....big bags of dog/cat food and the canned of course, cause I have spoiled every fricken thing in my house beyond repair...and bottled water and Mr Fixit likes Gatorade and those cute little bottles of chocolate milk to take in his lunchbox for breakfast time....yeah, when you start work at 6:00AM you tend to take a breakfast snack for first break....any hooo.....I have a list on a clipboard cause I am super organized like that and I check off each time an item gets chucked into the cart and cuss under my breath each time I have to start that cart back up into motion with one hundred and elevety-seven pounds on it...and thru out the store......they set up their cute little displays to side track me....them sons a bitches!!!!!!

So I need to pick a few things in the health isles and see this new display of reading glasses....oh man look they come in cool colors now!! And since Mr Fixit and I are fighting over the last pair in the house the puppies have not managed to turn into a chew toy, I really should pick up a pair....or FOUR. Good Lord woman...get a grip!! But hey, now we have pairs all over the house, so this will be good...okay..just stick to the list and let's get this done!! SO...back on to the list...shampoo and razors..okay...but NO....low and behold, here comes the hair ties...all shiny and fun and calling my name...well hell yes they know it...I practically live there!!! And I see this one new thingy that a couple girls at work have with two hair combs and some type of beaded elastic stuff between them and it comes in TWO different colors and I'm thinking HELL YES...that would just be the bomb to keep my hair out of my face and into the cart they go......

So then I'm done loading dog food bags...two kinds of course....don't know why I even bother, the old gal goes for the puppy chow when she thinks no one is looking and the puppies want what the old gal is eating as soon as she's had her fill...I should just throw some of each in a big bowl and wish em' all the best of luck!!! But then theres cat food and the big ass container of litter I buy and now the cart is feeling a little more like something you'd work out on at the gym and I'm headed down to the back side of the store towards the light bulbs when WOW...What is THAT!! Look at that display of TULIP BULBS!! $5.00!!!! Really??? I could afford that!!! What color do I want???? Oh man they have so many bi-colored ones this year!!! Oh wow..red Hyacinths....too cool!!! Oh look, little crocus...they bloom right up thru the snow!!!!...Sooooo $30.00 later...I'm getting a nice work out back on course...list right under my nose...and I'm determined to stay on track...really I am...don't need to go over budget yet again...and I'm picking up printer paper and back to the main isle I go...yeah for me...I'm gonna stick to the list now..I promi......Holy Crap....Clash of the Titans is out on DVD!!! Oh look at all that bronze buff!!! I bet Mr Fixit would enjoy this one...so it'd be okay to buy it...cause, really...it's a man movie, so I'm doing it for him...and for the Water Boy the next time he pops in to rest and shower and FEED and asks..."got any new movies mom??"....so SURE, I can do this....WHOPP, into the bulging cart it goes......

Okay...just get to the grocery part of the store and get the hell out of here!!! Okay..eggs and chocolate milk and bottled water...stick to the list...stick to the li....HEY!!! Cranberry Trail Mix!! Who knew???!!! That sounds good!! Bet it'd be healthy too!! I could even put a little container in Mr Fixit's lunch.....well yeah!!!!

So..on it goes...then I get to the produce section and yes...even there...I find something displayed by those evil people at Walmart who have a conspiracy going to totally destroy my monthly budget!!! Now the cart is damn near immovable...I am making funny little grunting sounds when I try to get it into motion....Complete and total idiots are pushing carts and walking right in front of me like I have any control to steer or stop this out of control freight train of a cart. I get that "Oh HELL NO!!" look from the checker....I'm use to it by now...I'll laugh and tease them thru out the long draw out process and cry when the total comes up and they will feel sorry for me and not mind the hour of their time I took up when it's all done. Get over it little person...you too will be a mom/wife/four legged kid owner someday and be in my shoes!!! And then I get the joy of pushing this cart UP the parking lot slope to my van...cars backing out right in front of me.....oh THANKS PUMPKIN!!! Yes please hurry off to get to the party your tiny little ass must be headed for...with your new tiny sack of eye liner you had to have before you went...I don't mind trying to start this Mac Truck back up into motion UP HILL!! Have a great night!!! Try not to puke on your new sandals!!! And then it's load it all up in my tired ole van and drive home sipping my Subway Coke and eyeing the sandwiches that I am SUPPOSE to wait to eat with the ole man once we get home and unload this semi into the house....and then...then....when he's worn out and eating his sandwich...I can break it to him....gently of course.....'Look Honey...I got us some new reading glasses....and I got you this new movie...rememeber..we saw the previews and you said it looked like a good one!!' I think I'll save the flower bulbs for another day...like next spring...when they are popping up out of the ground and looking wonderful as they usher in a new Spring!!!

Is it any wonder I am now broke yet again?? It's not my fault!! I had my list!! I had my good intentions!!! It's those damn Walmart peoples!!! Yes, I know...it's truly time for a support group isn't it!! Which one do you go to??? :) So yeah, I'll be home the rest of the weekend...but I'll have lots of totally cool new STUFF!!!!!!!! And THAT'S the dill pickle bout that!!!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Some days are like that

Today was a totally great day!! I got everything accomplished at work I wanted to...so much so that I get to take tomorrow off and burn some vacation time!! Yahoo!!! I love three day weekends....and hopefully it won't be piled to high come Monday.....I have one of those jobs where nobody does any of my work when I'm gone...they just stack it up on my desk...they know me...they know I'll be back...they know I'll get it knocked out to meet which ever deadline is hanging over my head this time...they know I prefer to handle it and to keep the hell out of my office....they know they don't have to do it and they DON'T WANT TO!!!! So...talking off is always a touchy thing...gotta plan it out just right. But it will be great to have a little time to play. Yes...the garage sailing queen will be at it again bright an early...I just can't get enough. And there is something about fall closing in that makes me want to go all the time because it a month or less there won't be any out there...sniff sniff. I still have a baby swing and play pen to find for the step daughter....and I am always on the look out for jeans or sweaters or wooden spoons or some simple silly thing like that....500 piece puzzles for my momma....some wild sheet set for the futon in the living room...ohhhhhh the treasures you can find!!!! My eyes are glazing over just thinking about it!!!

So I was driving home from work today and coming down the road, slowing down to see if cars were coming...I live on a hill on a gravel road...and my mail box is on the other side of the street...so I have to slow way down to see if any cars are coming from the other way and then I can pull my van over to the mailbox and get my mail the fat ass lazy way...which I LOVE doing...and there it was....sitting at the edge of my drive way....my brand new shiny pretty trash bin....one of those huge beasts with wheels and everything....OH BOY!!!! I was expecting a little bling on it for as much as they want to charge me to pick up trash once a week...but what ever...I am just so excited to have it here!!!! I went running around the house...tripping over the dogs....trying to gather up all the trash from all the cans and empty ashtrays and I even cleaned out the fruit bin in the fridge and YES YES, I got enough to fill up a trash bag and I walked proudly out the back door and tossed that bitch into my new pretty shiny trash bin!!! WHAT a great feeling!!! NO...I did not accidentally take too many doses of a prescription medication!!! I just get excited about new things in my world!! And it beats the hell out of gathering up trash and throwing it in the back of Mr Fixit's work truck....hopping no animals find it during the night...so he can haul it off to the trash bin at work.....his OLD work....HISTORY now!!!! So we got a trash service and I got MYSELF a shiny new trash container....oh life is good!!!

Tonight I can kick back in my trashless house and goof off...I don't have to work tomorrow!! Hahahahaladidah!!! Left overs for supper....laundry is done...too damp still to mow...oh yeah, it's gonna be a wonderful sit on my butt and do nothing kind of evening....and three whole days off IN A ROW!!!! Yeah, somedays in my world are like that!!! And that's the dill pickle bout that!!!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Things that make me go "Hummmmmmmmm???"

So....Sunday afternoon and I am finishing up with all the CRAP that got put off til the last day to get it done...like housework and laundry and sewing and blah blah blah. And I happen to see how late in the day it was getting to be and I thought...Holy Crap...It's Blog:30!!!

Mr Fixit starts his new job tomorrow. He has been as nervous as a whore in church all week. It's funny in my twisted sense of humor way....because he has NOTHING to be nervous about. I mean seriously, he was born to do this job....and he has already been doing it for several years for Fools, Inc....he just didn't have the title, or the pay....or the bonus they give out to the foreman at the end of the fiscal year....or the nice pickup truck you can drive around all weekend in....like all those guys do....on company gas. But hey, other than all THAT....he's been doing everything that this new job wants him to do....'cept they are gonna give him the title and the paycheck and the company pickup.....funny how things work out in your flavor every once in a while!! But the funny thing is...he really does know all this...and yet he's doubting himself. WHY?!! Why do we do that??? Cause it's not just him....it's everybody...we all get nervous and anxious and worry about taking on a new task or job or assignment or committee or whatever and even if we know we have what it takes to complete the job...we still freak. How did we all become such non believer's in ourselves?

Did somebody give us the ole "Pride goeth before a fall" line to many times and we started thinking it was wrong to trust in our abilities and judgements? Do we all think somewhere deep in our subconscious that self assurance is a bad bad ugly wrong thing? I don't know....I just know I see so many of my family and friends freaking out over a big project coming up that they are more than qualified to do, yet suddenly feel like they are gonna fail or screw it up badly. Wonder why? Just one of the many things in life that make me say "Hummmmmmm"

So I spent Friday afternoon garage sailing....something I love to do...and I have a God-given talent for it. Give me a list to knock out, and I generally get the grace of God to get it done. The very first garage I walked up to......I shit you not....the very FIRST one, I dropped $50.00 and came away with more than half of my list for baby items.....car seats and baby bouncer thingys and these totally cool mesh bath carrier thingys and high chairs and walkers...cept you can't get around in them, cause they have a plastic snow saucer thingy in the bottom of them, and all kinds of little stuff you need with a baby in the house. WHY you ask am I running around gathering baby items so cheaply....is there some big news I need to share??????? OH HELL NO!!!! My baby days are behind me....I'm afraid I'm at the age where I would actually forget I had one and then have to go looking for it!!! No...my step daughter is having another baby...after claiming she would never do that again when her first one came cesarean style...and so she gave away ALL her baby crap....and now we are starting again...from scratch...damnit!!! And I have a grand niece...just 17...who is pregnant and of course she has no clue how much this child is going to cost her and the daddy...who married her....it use to be a thing of honor....now I think it's more stupidity...but what ever...I'm just the old 'crazy aunt' as she calls me...so what do I know.....I know how to find some kick ass deals at garage sales...THAT'S what I KNOW!!!! LOL Why do kids have kids they can't afford? Why do I spend all my fun money on these kids???? Just a little more that makes me say 'Hummmmmmmmmm"

And then ....garage sailing with my first born....my little Gypsy...who is quite the garage sailor herself....as well as her little sister....apparently they were both paying attention to their mommy when she use to take them along.....Who Knew?!!!!! We are all over Silver Lake on Saturday.....checking out all the crap for the sign or scent of a treasure....and we see this priest...well I'm guess he's a priest...in his black floor length robes....looks just like he stepped down from the pulpit...and he's carrying this snazzy little man purse to collect all his goodies he may find in....and going from sale to sale just ahead of us....and my first born....who lost her desire to follow in her mother's faith somewhere along the way....it happens ya know...happened to me, happened to her...but I came back around and so will she....anyhoo...she and I are cracking up about this priest....and comparing thoughts....like.....Seriously??? All his jeans are in the dirty clothes? He has to wear his Sunday Go-To-Meetin' clothes cause he has no Saturday go to garage-sailin' outfits? He enjoys sweating profusely in black? Garage sale people are the devil and he is on call for an emergency exorcism? Oh we just went on and on....and then she says she is overcome with the desire to go up and say something like..."Sweet Man Purse ya got there Pops".....at this time, I begin laughing hysterically and dragging her down a side street....I think I just about pissed my pants she had me laughing to hard. How did I raise up a child who could be so casual with a man of the cloth? Where is her respect for the priesthood? How could she be so flippant with religious peoples? I pondered all of this as I tried my damnest NOT to pee right there in the middle of the Silver Lake Suburbs and stop laughing hysterically.....yes...people were looking...apparently we were having WAY TOO MUCH FUN garage sailing. And yet just one more thing to make me say 'hummmmmmmmmmm'.

Anyhoo...that's the dill pickle bout that!!!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Testosterone Enhancers....WTF????

So..it's been a crazy week...Mr Fixit has accepted a new job...Management position...I'm pretty thrilled....a LOT more money and insurance that just makes me want to get up and do a gig right this second....I just may get that hysterectomy of my dreams....Can't imagine life without bleeding to death each month...but anyways...it's been exciting to hear what's been going on as the rats in the field at Fools Inc scramble to figure out what to do without him next week. And then...the idiot goes BACK to work tonight to fix something that broke down after he left...it's either total dedication to his job and integrity...or sheer stupidity....the jury is still out on that one....

So, after we cuss and discuss the day...and play outside...I've been butchering flowerbeds this week...oh nothing inhumane...just cutting back all the dead and letting the new growth on the ground get a little sunshine before winter finds her way here...we...Mr Fixit and I...find our way to the living room and settle in for a little of satellite's finest....are we really shelling out that much money for this shit???? Well, anyways...there is this new commercial that keeps coming on...the first time I saw it ...I just laughed....how many new things can they come up with for old men????? I mean seriously??? This new one is on a LOT...shows the guy standing there all sad and tired...and his shadow is just living it up playing sports and presenting flowers on bended knee and they are telling you that if you are a guy who just doesn't have the energy he use to in his youth...it may be a drop in testosterone..and this new shit we are selling will cure all that......I laughed the first time I saw it...and the second...chuckled once the third time...but by the 20th it was making my butt twitch.......all right you sons a bitches....let's just sell this shit shall we.....scoot the hell over and let me tell you how it is................

Are you feeling tired and not as active as you once were men????? Well there's a reason for that!! You're old shits!!! It happens!!! You can accept it with some grace if you're smart....Look across the living room...see that woman who is content doing her sewing or reading or whatever? Your wonderful wife of 30 + years???? Yeah her!!! She's an old shit too!!! Now look around your world there dumb shit...see the big ass flat screen and the fancy nice furniture in your spotless living room??? See the kitchen with all your favorite's stocked up in the fridge and pantry???? The expensive steak knife set on the counter? How bout that Expedition in the frickin drive way??? See all that shit??? That's the environment of an old shit....you get to have a lot of cool shit!!! You get to have a wife who knows how to make your life just right for you and keep your totally cool home nice and clean and just how you like it...cause she's an old shit who will do it for your dumb ass!!!
Ya wanna take some testosterone enhancers and feel like you're 18 again...you idiot? Go right ahead. Now you can have a hard dick every night of the week...but guess what...that wonderful woman who has put up with your ass all these years is not going to want it every night....cause she's an old shit who has some grace and dignity and is just going with the flow of the years. You on the other hand are an old STUPID shit with a hard dick and you can't do a thing with it. So you'll have to go to the clubs and bars and night spots of the dark...and yes....you can find some young shits who will think you are the bomb....NOT because you FEEL 18 again, but because you have MONEY...and they will flock around you for the money. And boy won't that be sweet...surrounded by a bunch of young shallow pretty things....playing on your vanity for your bucks... Yes you fool, they will come around as long as the money is flowing out to them..but GUESS WHAT??!!!!
That woman who has put up with you all these years, and has EARNED your extra money won't put up with you spending it on some young thing who has never once washed the shit stains out of your jockeys...and she will take you to court and get it ALL!!! No big deal you think...cause you are an old dumb ass stupid shit....you still have all these young babes hanging around you and you still feel 18..right???? Wrong...you idiot!! Now that your ex has the house and car and most of your income in maintenance support...you won't have the money to blow on the pretty babes...and they will drop you like a hot potato...cause you aren't 18...you're a fucking old shit!!! And now you're a fucking old shit with no money.....you wanted to feel 18...you got it baby....living in a roach invested apartment and driving a piece of shit car...but hey...you'll still have a hard dick every night....you dumb ass!!!!

So buy all means...buy this Testosterone Enhancer.....it's the bomb dude!! Spend your money on something that will ruin your life and make you a lonely old dumb shit with nothing....OR, maybe it's time to realize that you are tired and not as active as you were cause you're an old shit...who has spent years raising a family and building a life with a good woman. Maybe it's time to take her out to supper, or on a cruise...or just down the block on a couple bikes to just spend some time together...enjoying your old age....with money....and all the fringe benefits that come with being an old shit. Get a clue fool!!!!!! We don't give a shit about your life...we are just trying to sell some shit and make some money for ourselves!!!

Wonder if I have a career in sales?? LMAO!! Well, a little dose of reality never hurt anyone. And that's just the dill pickle bout that!!!!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Come out to the depths, the water's fine!!!

I had such an awesome time last night with two women I have almost known for years. Yeah, I kinda knew them in school....knew what they looked like on the outside, but didn't really know that inside they were just as scared and lost and longing for approval as I was. Man we get really good and hiding the inside at an incredibly early age, don't we. Anyhoo...so I almost knew who they were...by the time we made it to high school...we were divided into all the little social cliches and groups and I don't really remember to much of them for those days....but then, those days were harsh and I don't want to remember to much from them. So years, and yeah, unfortunately I mean YEARS later, we run into each other on Facebook. And suddenly, they both come to life for me with their vivid sense of humor and their concern and genuine....ness. Okay...that may not be a word, but they are down to earth and the real deal and that just kept coming thru in their comments.....so finally and I do mean FINALLY, we end up getting together at my house. The humming birds put on their usual WWE Smackdown show, and Mr Fixit grilled cheeseburgers and brats and and then left us to ourselves and we kicked back on the patio and just had this soothing relaxing conversations for ......HOURS. Okay, so we did eat some chips, but we never even got around to eating supper....that's how great we were all enjoying the time.

It was so much more than 'Hi, how ya doin', how's everything going....oh don't you just hate that..." It was a conversation of many topics and themes and we just ran with it from the depths of our souls. I can't even begin to explain how refreshing it was to be boldly honest with opinions and thoughts about the past and the present and to find we were all so very much in the same place some thirty years later and it was good...We all took our own individual road to hell and back a few times over...we all survived....we all have the tee-shirt....and we all grew into solid secure women who are going to be who we really are and the rest of the world can take a flying leap if they don't like it. We all went thru some painful times that taught us to put away our judgement robes and to accept folks for who they are. And that's pretty much what we did, we just talked for hours and accepted each other in rather large doses of admirations..or at least that's what I was feeling the whole evening. Admiring their past struggles and pain and the women they had become. I felt like I was a comrade in arms last night. I think if we'd given it another hour or two, we probably could have solved all the worlds problems!! LOL You know how it is when good minds come together.

So I was up at the crack of dawn today and thinking about all the things we discussed in depth and that's when it hit me. All this time, I had been dragging around this feeling that nobody would be able to relate to me because of all the bullshit from my past. Now where in the hell did I ever come up with that bright idea?!! Yeah, I've been thru some bullshit, and struggled thru an abusive marriage and raising three kids alone and financial scrunches that would make a few people stop breathing for sure....but ya know what...both of these women had some pretty harsh times under their belts too. Those times when in order to be true to yourself, you end up pissing everyone off around you and you have to stand alone, but you can't not be yourself, so you learn to stand alone and continue on. Yeah, I thought I was pretty jaded from all the crap in the past, but I see very clearly it's just a very productive product of coming thru it and living to tell the tale. And in all honesty...I am delighted for us and the hard times in our past. I just love who the three of us have become as individuals, and am delighted to find out that I can chuck this old feeling that I have been thru too much to really relate to anyone. No...I think I've been thru too much to be able to put up with the shallow end....that's all. I was just craving some depth from some fellow soul sisters. Last night was like a breath of fresh air. It was like soaking away in a hot top and opening up all your pores and taking huge breaths of fresh clean cool air.

I think I was so busy being fascinated by the stories and the thoughts and opinions that I really didn't talk to much about mine.. at least not the past they would be able to relate too...well, I'm just going to have to get together for another time with these girls. I'm thinking a monthly 'therapy' session is in order. And I'm seeing that all this time I have been dreaded the hard row my oldest child has chosen to hoe, I should be seeing it for what it really is, just the times of pressure that will end up refining her to the pure gold we become when we turn loose of all our insecurities and just become who we really are. I was trying to set up my kids to protect them from all those really harsh rough times that I went thru, when in reality, it's just a necessary part of becoming someone of depth and genuineness. I found myself humming thru the grocery store this morning...don't even know how the tune popped up, but there I was browsing the shoe isle for some boot laces and I was humming an old Cyndi Lauper tune. "I see your true colors and that's why I love you, so don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors are beautiful, like a rainbow." So yeah, can we have a little more depth and genuineness in this world? Okay, how bout just in the town I live in. It is muchly desired from this old gal!!! I am very blessed to have a few very special friends in my world, who know how to enjoy the deep end. Come on out ya all...the water is just wonderful out here!!

SO....since Happy ends a lot of her blogs with questions that make me think, (she's another one of those deep end girls and she's got the cannon ball jump to prove it!!;) )I'm going to play copy cat and do that too!!! What silly notions have you been dragging around about yourself that you need to chuck?!! I hope something stirs you in a moving way this weekend and they become apparent to you!!! Then you can bring them over to the bonfire party this fall and we'll throw all of them in!!! And that's just the dill pickle bout that!