Do you remember spending time with your grandma, or perhaps a great aunt or uncle..someone old enough to have lived thru the Great Depression? I'm at an age where it was my mom and dad who made it thru as kids. They didn't talk much about it until you wanted to buy something they deemed as 'expensive' and then you got to hear all about how bare and empty a time it was. And then there are all their crazy habits that they never seemed to shake. Like reusing EVERYTHING until it was so used up you couldn't tell what the hell it had been when it was new. To this day my mom will still try to wash the plastic forks and spoons from a a family gathering...you'll find her digging in the trash to salvage the solo plastic cups..."Mom!! What the hell are you doing???" And she will give you one of the exasperated looks she is well known for and proclaim, "They're still good..there's nothing wrong with these, I'm washing them up for the next time." My sister and I have a good laugh every holiday as we pit ourselves against our 82 year old mother to see who can get the disposable items in the trash and out of the house before she can dig thru it and 'rescue' those "perfectly good, you can't just throw them away" items. I think she goes out with a flash light after we have all gone home and gets them back out of the trash bin anyways!!! We think it's hysterical, and we laugh about it every time the whole family gets together, but that's my mom for ya.
My dad was the same way, he would salvage "perfectly good part"s off everything from lawn mowers to dead cars and when somebody came over with some engine that had been proclaimed 'dead', my dad would hunt around in his shop, find a replacement part and have the damn thing purring like a kitten in no time. He made a lot of poor people's days as he'd open that shop garage door and say roll it in here I bet we can get a little more out of her. And he always could. He didn't throw it away unless it was truly dead....it was a lot of fun hanging out in his shop...the smell of grease and oil and gas and old men talking their talk. I learned a lot of very colorful cuss words out there!!! As well as the names of almost every tool my dad owned and what he used it for. He'd lived thru hard times....he knew how to save what was saveable cause ya just never knew when somebody might need it.
Oh I don't want to say my parents were hoarders. We didn't live in piles of junk at all. They just knew how to stash the 'keepables' and my mom had a grocery sack with butter bowls and lids as well as paper sacks and worn out jeans cut up for patches on ones that could be patched and my dad had coffee cans full of every screw and bolt under the sun...trust me...he could find one to fit...just give him a few minutes. To this day, I hear their voices in my head if I try to throw out a freezer bag that has no holes, or the extra screws that come in something you bought that said "some assembly required"....As I head to the trash can I can hear them both shouting, "You better keep that, never know when you are gonna need it.....You can't throw that out, it's still perfectly good.....You'll be sorry you were so wasteful down the road!!!" OH ALRIGHT for the love of God, shut up...I'll keep/wash out/reuse/save the damn thing back...just shut up...you aren't even in my house for crying out loud...how come you can shout so loud in my head?????
So I have spent a lot of time laughing over the years at how 'crazy' my parents acted all thru my years with them.....and then......last night....it hit me. I have it too. Holy Shit!!!! I'm actually trapped in a mind set from years of living just above the poverty line and I keep deferring to it like an old trusted friend even thought I'm no longer there. WHAT THE HELL???!!!!!
It happened at the Renaissance Festival and I just laughed it off....oh yeah, wait, I don't have to just look and dream, we really do have some bucks to spend here....but then....I realized last night, it happened again!! I have a much younger acquaintance who is now selling Premier Jewelry, and she is hosting this party where all the proceeds will go for cancer research and she invited all her facebook friends to the party. Well, I'm really not into that kind of jewelry...if you want me to go all out, you need to make a road trip with me to Arizona and hit up all those road side stands of turquoise between the Grand Canyon and Flagstaff....but anyhoo, I replied that if she sent me a book, I'd take it to work and try to round up some orders for her. Well, she sent me the book, and I did make sure it made the rounds and I brought it home Friday night. Mr Fixit saw the book and asked about it, and I told him the deal and he said I should pick something out and he'd buy it. So I looked again...not a lot that really turned my head, but I showed him a couple things and then started bitching about the price. $45 for a pair of earrings????? You gotta be shittin' me!!! I'm not spending that kind of money on earrings for crying out loud!!! Well, Mr Fixit informed me that if I wanted them, I should order them...he'd pay. I wasn't even biting...we are NOT spending that damn much on a pair of fucking earrings!! So he said to keep looking...and I did, pretty much with the same response several times over....He finally gets pissy about it and says to pick out something or by GOD he will and he's not even joking about it now!!! Well SHIT!! I'm not about to spend that kind of money on jewelry out of a party book and now I'm ready to go to war......but I kept looking and finally found a pretty cross and heart necklace for under $25.00. So I show him the piece and tell him I think I'd like that. OKAY??!!!!! Have we got a settlement now???? NO, no we don't. He tells me he likes the necklace, but I should pick out some earrings too. OH WHAT THE HELL DUDE!!!!! And we are pretty much shouting at each other over this stupid over priced jewelry and it hits me. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM WOMAN????? The man wants to buy you something...why are you fighting him over it? And that's when I realized the problem.
Just a few short years ago, $45.00 would have been the difference between having lunch money for all three kids or not, it would have meant having enough to cover the house phone and the water bill or not, it would have been the difference between being able to put a decent supper on the table for a week or not. It was a LOT of money to me once upon a time and not something I could ever dare throw away on something non-essential. And here I am...a few years later...in an empty nest, with a man who makes more than enough, who'd like to spoil me a little...and I am freaking out about the expense. OH MY GOD!!! I have it now....I have TRULY become my mother after all!!!!
I tried to shrug it off in the warm light of day today....I did...I laughed about it on the way to town. No, that can't be right....I just didn't really like the jewelry...that's all!!! I hit Lowe's for some cans of spray paint needed to cover the rust spots on my "new swimming pool" stock tank for next summer. And I browsed thru the bird feeders and the garden sections...just looking around...even found some things I liked....but backed away...."I really don't need this", seemed to be the theme in my head. Then it was on to K-mart....I wanted to pick up some more sweatshirts for Mr Fixit for his work...and I browsed the movie section...but passed up a couple I'd liked....cause....they will be cheaper later on and I'll get them then.......and I'm at the check out line and I pass up the Coke cooler....I'm thinking....I'm headed home, I can wait till then and it suddenly snuck up and bit my ass. Oh You Do Have It Sister!!!! You have the 'Stockholm Syndrome" of hard times. You're thinking in friendly terms towards this mindset that has you being a tightwad when you have no need now. You can't buy a movie if it's not on sale....you can't buy an unneeded item if it's not under $10.00, you can't even talk about a new car, cause you start freaking out about the cost of taxes and insurance and how the damn thing depreciates the second you drive it off the lot. You've got it girl...you are your mother....Oh NO!! Does this mean my kids are laughing at me behind my back????? WHAT AM I SAYING, they laugh at me all the time to my face!!!!!!! Maybe I haven't been saving back screws and freezer bags to shut up my parent's voices in my head...maybe I've been doing it all along because that's who I've become. Is there a cure? Is there any hope? Will I ever shop at Dillons and buy a name brand item of food?!! I'm all confused now!!!
Well, I am going to order a pair of earrings to go with my necklace...but damn it I didn't stop looking til I found a pair under $25 that I liked. Oh yeah, I've got it bad. But awareness is the first step....and that is the dill pickle bout that.....on the clearance isle of course!!!!!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Taking Stock
Okay...so this work week was bad, way worse than bad...it was hideous...NOT because of what I do, or what the work load was...it's cause there's one person in the office who never makes a deadline and has no reason to miss them...and then that puts all the rest of us stepping and fetching to deal with her bringing stuff in that HAS TO GO, way AFTER the deadline. She sucks, but that's not even the worst of it...she never gets in trouble for it...cause the boss over us broke her 'give a shit' a long time ago and she just doesn't want to deal with it. I really don't think she is going to stick around to much longer than when all the stocks get paid out from the company buy-out. But anyways...I was suppose to take Friday off on a vacation day, and I ended up having to go in, cause I didn't get all MY stuff done Thursday afternoon, cause I was working up a SECOND CHECK RUN for the incompetent idiot who fucked off all week and didn't have her shit to me on time. BITCH!!!! Okay...so I was foaming at the mouth so badly Thursday night, that Mr Fixit calls me on his lunch hour Friday to find out if there are any dead bodies he needs to come haul off quietly, or if there is any blood shed we need to mop up and douse with bleach. We are experts on that on account of we are BIG CSI fans!!! No...I haven't gone postal dear, and thanks for asking.
So, I was still pretty ticked off on Friday, especially when the Bitch took off early after she caused me so much extra trouble and then wouldn't even look me in the eye and apologize for it....as a matter of fact, she avoided me like the plague all day Friday...which was actually in her best interest. But I finally got out of there and went to do the grocery shopping. I did remember to take the recyclables...YEAH for ME!!! And I did take a detour to JC Pennys, cause they have a pretty big sale going on right now....got a couple pairs of jeans for half price...so I am good to go this winter on jeans for work, and some new bras...which were way more than I would normally spend, but they were buy one get one for $.88....so hey, maybe these will hold up way better than the walmart ones I usually get and I will look killer hot in them!! And that did help my mood...plus I got home early and helped Mr Fixit...who dropped the mower down low and did a once over the yard....he wants it short and sweet when the fall leaves start coming down as this year he has his huge beastly bagger and we are gonna suck them all up and top off the compost pile with leaves...whoo hooo. But anyways, we have a pear tree in the middle of the yard, and it drops pears all the time....the honey bees LOVE IT...so as he was trying to mow, I got out there with a rake and a bucket to gather up the fallen pears. They aren't like the kind you buy in the store...this pear tree is different...I wonder if the folks who planted it years ago knew that???? The pears don't ripen on the tree...no matter how long they hang there, they won't ripen....not til they are off the tree, and sit for a while. So...here I am...gathering up bucket after bucket of fallen unripe pears....lots of them chopped in half....cause Mr Fixit thought they'd be easier to gather with the grass low around them...NOT....go mow somewhere else for a while you TWIT!!!! Anyhoo...the exercise and fresh evening air made me feel loads better...even better than shopping...WTH????? And it was later in the evening...as I was trying to read a new murder mystery novel I couldn't get into, and being serenaded by Mr Fixit's snores in the recliner next to mine....that I came to think I should take some stock in how good I really have it and stop this fussing and cussing and foaming at the mouth.
SO....I am THANKFUL....yep...that's what I said....I am THANKFUL that I have been blessed with kick ass organization skills and I don't have a problem working to meet a task or a deadline....that's a gift...and one that comes in way handy...so I am grateful for it. And I'm grateful that in this day, I have a job and it pays well and it's close to home and I have a boss who lets me do it the way that works best for me...which is awesome!!! And I'm thankful I have a wonderful husband who actually GETS ME, and who enjoys spending time with me cause he's weird like that. I'm very blessed to have my home and my big yard and the ability to get out and enjoy it....to have my health...we just never have a reason to go to the doctor, and that's a big gift too....and for my happy healthy kids and their wonderful lives getting started in young adulthood. And for my dogs and cats and all my birds coming to the feeders. Yeah, I really have it way way good. So, it's okay if somebody jacks with my work load and I miss a day off....it's not the end of the world...although it did lead me to declare that Friday was National Get Your SHIT TOGETHER Day....it was not the end of life as I know it. It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna lay this anger down and get on with my happy happy life. Yes, I know....in a couple weeks she is gonna pull this shit again...cause she can get away with it...and I am gonna come unglued at the seams again...and rant and rave and foam at the mouth some more....but until then...it's time to just be grateful that life is good....even if I am about to spend my Saturday morning cleaning the house so it can get uncleaned just as quickly right behind me....it's okay..It's all good...I have taken stock...and been found to be overflowing.....with a beautiful pink sunrise to boot!!!! Think I'll go set on the patio with a blanket and watch!!!
And that's the dill pickle bout that!!!
So, I was still pretty ticked off on Friday, especially when the Bitch took off early after she caused me so much extra trouble and then wouldn't even look me in the eye and apologize for it....as a matter of fact, she avoided me like the plague all day Friday...which was actually in her best interest. But I finally got out of there and went to do the grocery shopping. I did remember to take the recyclables...YEAH for ME!!! And I did take a detour to JC Pennys, cause they have a pretty big sale going on right now....got a couple pairs of jeans for half price...so I am good to go this winter on jeans for work, and some new bras...which were way more than I would normally spend, but they were buy one get one for $.88....so hey, maybe these will hold up way better than the walmart ones I usually get and I will look killer hot in them!! And that did help my mood...plus I got home early and helped Mr Fixit...who dropped the mower down low and did a once over the yard....he wants it short and sweet when the fall leaves start coming down as this year he has his huge beastly bagger and we are gonna suck them all up and top off the compost pile with leaves...whoo hooo. But anyways, we have a pear tree in the middle of the yard, and it drops pears all the time....the honey bees LOVE IT...so as he was trying to mow, I got out there with a rake and a bucket to gather up the fallen pears. They aren't like the kind you buy in the store...this pear tree is different...I wonder if the folks who planted it years ago knew that???? The pears don't ripen on the tree...no matter how long they hang there, they won't ripen....not til they are off the tree, and sit for a while. So...here I am...gathering up bucket after bucket of fallen unripe pears....lots of them chopped in half....cause Mr Fixit thought they'd be easier to gather with the grass low around them...NOT....go mow somewhere else for a while you TWIT!!!! Anyhoo...the exercise and fresh evening air made me feel loads better...even better than shopping...WTH????? And it was later in the evening...as I was trying to read a new murder mystery novel I couldn't get into, and being serenaded by Mr Fixit's snores in the recliner next to mine....that I came to think I should take some stock in how good I really have it and stop this fussing and cussing and foaming at the mouth.
SO....I am THANKFUL....yep...that's what I said....I am THANKFUL that I have been blessed with kick ass organization skills and I don't have a problem working to meet a task or a deadline....that's a gift...and one that comes in way handy...so I am grateful for it. And I'm grateful that in this day, I have a job and it pays well and it's close to home and I have a boss who lets me do it the way that works best for me...which is awesome!!! And I'm thankful I have a wonderful husband who actually GETS ME, and who enjoys spending time with me cause he's weird like that. I'm very blessed to have my home and my big yard and the ability to get out and enjoy it....to have my health...we just never have a reason to go to the doctor, and that's a big gift too....and for my happy healthy kids and their wonderful lives getting started in young adulthood. And for my dogs and cats and all my birds coming to the feeders. Yeah, I really have it way way good. So, it's okay if somebody jacks with my work load and I miss a day off....it's not the end of the world...although it did lead me to declare that Friday was National Get Your SHIT TOGETHER Day....it was not the end of life as I know it. It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna lay this anger down and get on with my happy happy life. Yes, I know....in a couple weeks she is gonna pull this shit again...cause she can get away with it...and I am gonna come unglued at the seams again...and rant and rave and foam at the mouth some more....but until then...it's time to just be grateful that life is good....even if I am about to spend my Saturday morning cleaning the house so it can get uncleaned just as quickly right behind me....it's okay..It's all good...I have taken stock...and been found to be overflowing.....with a beautiful pink sunrise to boot!!!! Think I'll go set on the patio with a blanket and watch!!!
And that's the dill pickle bout that!!!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Running in place...
I'm all about wasting my time and energy. It's just what I LIVE for!! Like let's just take for instance....ohhhhhh I don't know....there are sooooo many to pick from...how but house cleaning. Yeah...that's a good one....that's one that's still making my ass twitch.
I ran errands on Saturday morning and hurried...YES, I HURRIED home to get the house cleaned as it hasn't seen much attention in a while and has reached the point that even I must exclaim as I walk thur the door....OH MY DAMN!!!! Yeah, it's reached the hateful stage where I just want to turn around and walk back out. I know it's all my shit...not like I'm going to catch a disease or anything...but still....ya just never know....soooooo I start in...dusting and sweeping and mopping.....scrubbing bathroom sinks......at which point I generally start cussing the sadistic bastard that came up with the idea to make them all white or cream or some light color that stains....and instead of making things fun...and running and jumping into the huge pile of swept-up pet hair that has accumulated on the hard wood floors, I get it all piled up and into the trash....I THOUGHT about it....that makes me young at heart....but I scooped it all up and got it...well, most of it...into the trash....that makes me a cranky old bitch who just wants to get the house clean so I can go do something I actually enjoy on my Saturday off. I even dragged out the mop and put a shiny gleen on the floors from the bedroom thru the kitchen.....and then I got a text and an invitation to go drink beer with a friend I haven't seen in a long time....so yeah, it was a tough call, but I made it......sometimes ya have to be responsible and finish something you start. Sometimes you have to put off fun and get your work done....sometimes you have to buckle down and just getRdone......this was NOT one of those times....of course I ran away to go drink beer with an old friend...are you crazy or what?????!!!!!!! It's fucking Saturday for crying out loud!!! Needless to say...I never made it back to the house cleaning project...I'm not shedding any tears about it.
So...I get up today....big Sunday to finish up what I know I will not be able to make myself do after working 9, 9.5, 10 hours everyday....yeah, work is insane right now...but I will enjoy the overtime check eventually...so it's all good....I'm all mature and shit so I can put off gratification for a while....I just know I'm going to be a worthless lop for the rest of the week and if I want it done....today is the day!!! So....I'm going to 'finish' cleaning the house right??? But here is the problem.....I can't tell today where I started and where I left off at!!!!! I shit you not....the half of the house I cleaned...LESS than 24 hours ago is now quite pitted again. Those beautiful hardwood floors in my office...covered with puppy prints and drying leaves and blooms from the tropical monsters I brought in last week to save them from the frost....yes, they are so grateful that they are doing their big shed since they aren't getting direct sunlight anymore. Thanks you ungrateful assholes....sure...go ahead....drop shit all over the office....you know the puppies love a new thing to shred.....which brings me back to the floors.....I don't really have a clue what they pulled from the trash....because it's only in about 2,000 pieces all over the office floor....tiny little pieces of paper or something....thanks my little Angels...mommy loves you so much....now get your carnivorous asses outside!!!!!...All the flat surfaces I painstakingly dusted with my handidandy little Swifter duster that smells like lavender and vanilla....you can write your name in them again....left a window cracked to get some fresh air...and road dust back into the house....I don't think it could stand long without it!!!! So yes....less than 24 hours and I need to start back at ground zero. So it will look nice for....oh golly...let's be generous and say 12 hours.
Why? This is the big thought running thur my head this morning. Why? What is the fucking point???? (oh alright, I'll credit the quote to my middle child...The Bohemian...but damnit the girl got a POINT!!!!) What is the true objective here? So see my pretty floors for a few hours? Seems pointless to go the extra effort and work to get them there for such a short time....I'd rather set up a thousand dominoes and watch them fall.....get's about as much accomplished...don't ya think??? Why do we do this? Why do we keep cleaning things to watch them get undone as fast as we do them? I'm having some TROUBLE with this one. Any one care to explain? If I left it go long enough....I'd have a pet hair carpet...and then you wouldn't see all the pet hair gathering in the corners!!!! Get rid of the pets and the old man?....actually I'd rather dig out my heart with a blunt spoon.....I can't live without my family....they stay.....so, here I sit....trying to decide what I can do that will last for more than a few hours....what meaningful thing can I take down that will make a difference in the world today. What can I exert my mind and energy on that will better all mankind......Well...I'm all about happy mediums......so I'm gonna broom ALL the floors and finish the laundry....and then...since I have a WHOLE DAY with Mr Fixit...I'm gonna drag him out to the patio and drink beer. ITS A PLAN FOLKS.....running in place sucks like no other......but I guess I can get thru it if I know there's a reward at the finish line....so to speak.....and a few beers and laughs with Mr Fixit will make a great reward....and then we'll come back in later tonight....and wade thru the fresh layer of dust and pet hairs and whatever the hell got shredded thru the course of the day...and we'll call it a good day off....cause that's just how we roll out here in the sticks!!! We can live with the dust and the pets and the plant droppings and still enjoy our home and our life here...what little bit we get to actually stay here and enjoy. We don't have to worry about getting our hair just right for the pictures in the Better Homes and Gardens photo shoot. We don't have to worry about the President and his wife stopping by for afternoon tea and a discussion on how fucked up the economy is...We don't have to deal with anyone who will turn their noses up at the pitiful sight our house is in....we've run them off years ago. Yes, I'll sweep up the mess again and make sure we have a path to the clean bathroom...wait...is that a toothpaste spot on the mirror??? Oh SON OF A MUTHER!!!! Okay...so I'll give the bathroom mirrors a quick once over again...and make sure we have clean dishes in the kitchen and we can find our way to the recliners tonight and can see thru the dust to the flat screen and we are gonna call it good...yep, that's how we roll out here in the country....Yep, that's just how we roll the dill pickle bout that!!!!
I ran errands on Saturday morning and hurried...YES, I HURRIED home to get the house cleaned as it hasn't seen much attention in a while and has reached the point that even I must exclaim as I walk thur the door....OH MY DAMN!!!! Yeah, it's reached the hateful stage where I just want to turn around and walk back out. I know it's all my shit...not like I'm going to catch a disease or anything...but still....ya just never know....soooooo I start in...dusting and sweeping and mopping.....scrubbing bathroom sinks......at which point I generally start cussing the sadistic bastard that came up with the idea to make them all white or cream or some light color that stains....and instead of making things fun...and running and jumping into the huge pile of swept-up pet hair that has accumulated on the hard wood floors, I get it all piled up and into the trash....I THOUGHT about it....that makes me young at heart....but I scooped it all up and got it...well, most of it...into the trash....that makes me a cranky old bitch who just wants to get the house clean so I can go do something I actually enjoy on my Saturday off. I even dragged out the mop and put a shiny gleen on the floors from the bedroom thru the kitchen.....and then I got a text and an invitation to go drink beer with a friend I haven't seen in a long time....so yeah, it was a tough call, but I made it......sometimes ya have to be responsible and finish something you start. Sometimes you have to put off fun and get your work done....sometimes you have to buckle down and just getRdone......this was NOT one of those times....of course I ran away to go drink beer with an old friend...are you crazy or what?????!!!!!!! It's fucking Saturday for crying out loud!!! Needless to say...I never made it back to the house cleaning project...I'm not shedding any tears about it.
So...I get up today....big Sunday to finish up what I know I will not be able to make myself do after working 9, 9.5, 10 hours everyday....yeah, work is insane right now...but I will enjoy the overtime check eventually...so it's all good....I'm all mature and shit so I can put off gratification for a while....I just know I'm going to be a worthless lop for the rest of the week and if I want it done....today is the day!!! So....I'm going to 'finish' cleaning the house right??? But here is the problem.....I can't tell today where I started and where I left off at!!!!! I shit you not....the half of the house I cleaned...LESS than 24 hours ago is now quite pitted again. Those beautiful hardwood floors in my office...covered with puppy prints and drying leaves and blooms from the tropical monsters I brought in last week to save them from the frost....yes, they are so grateful that they are doing their big shed since they aren't getting direct sunlight anymore. Thanks you ungrateful assholes....sure...go ahead....drop shit all over the office....you know the puppies love a new thing to shred.....which brings me back to the floors.....I don't really have a clue what they pulled from the trash....because it's only in about 2,000 pieces all over the office floor....tiny little pieces of paper or something....thanks my little Angels...mommy loves you so much....now get your carnivorous asses outside!!!!!...All the flat surfaces I painstakingly dusted with my handidandy little Swifter duster that smells like lavender and vanilla....you can write your name in them again....left a window cracked to get some fresh air...and road dust back into the house....I don't think it could stand long without it!!!! So yes....less than 24 hours and I need to start back at ground zero. So it will look nice for....oh golly...let's be generous and say 12 hours.
Why? This is the big thought running thur my head this morning. Why? What is the fucking point???? (oh alright, I'll credit the quote to my middle child...The Bohemian...but damnit the girl got a POINT!!!!) What is the true objective here? So see my pretty floors for a few hours? Seems pointless to go the extra effort and work to get them there for such a short time....I'd rather set up a thousand dominoes and watch them fall.....get's about as much accomplished...don't ya think??? Why do we do this? Why do we keep cleaning things to watch them get undone as fast as we do them? I'm having some TROUBLE with this one. Any one care to explain? If I left it go long enough....I'd have a pet hair carpet...and then you wouldn't see all the pet hair gathering in the corners!!!! Get rid of the pets and the old man?....actually I'd rather dig out my heart with a blunt spoon.....I can't live without my family....they stay.....so, here I sit....trying to decide what I can do that will last for more than a few hours....what meaningful thing can I take down that will make a difference in the world today. What can I exert my mind and energy on that will better all mankind......Well...I'm all about happy mediums......so I'm gonna broom ALL the floors and finish the laundry....and then...since I have a WHOLE DAY with Mr Fixit...I'm gonna drag him out to the patio and drink beer. ITS A PLAN FOLKS.....running in place sucks like no other......but I guess I can get thru it if I know there's a reward at the finish line....so to speak.....and a few beers and laughs with Mr Fixit will make a great reward....and then we'll come back in later tonight....and wade thru the fresh layer of dust and pet hairs and whatever the hell got shredded thru the course of the day...and we'll call it a good day off....cause that's just how we roll out here in the sticks!!! We can live with the dust and the pets and the plant droppings and still enjoy our home and our life here...what little bit we get to actually stay here and enjoy. We don't have to worry about getting our hair just right for the pictures in the Better Homes and Gardens photo shoot. We don't have to worry about the President and his wife stopping by for afternoon tea and a discussion on how fucked up the economy is...We don't have to deal with anyone who will turn their noses up at the pitiful sight our house is in....we've run them off years ago. Yes, I'll sweep up the mess again and make sure we have a path to the clean bathroom...wait...is that a toothpaste spot on the mirror??? Oh SON OF A MUTHER!!!! Okay...so I'll give the bathroom mirrors a quick once over again...and make sure we have clean dishes in the kitchen and we can find our way to the recliners tonight and can see thru the dust to the flat screen and we are gonna call it good...yep, that's how we roll out here in the country....Yep, that's just how we roll the dill pickle bout that!!!!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Empty Nesting
I found myself coming upon a thought today on the short ride home from work...it happens...coming up on a thought and a short drives home from work. I had just come from the store...stopped in after work to pick up a couple quick things I was out of...and I ran into an acquaintance who was having a shitty day. So we talked for a minute and she asked if we were going to the bar tonight for tacos.....maybe...I didn't really know for sure...and then I started for home. The concept of going to the bar for supper would never have come up a few years back. No extra money and kids in the house to raise. And I started thinking how shitty my life might be right now with out Mr Fixit in it. You see for years my kids were the end all be all of my existence. They were my sun and moon and midnight stars. After two divorces, my thoughts pretty much ran something like, Men come and men go, but my babies are my babies forever. And that still holds true today...they still are my kids and I still love them and I would still give them my last dime, but somewhere along the way they got a hold of those independent minds that I purposely raised them to have, and they found their own lives and their own ways and moved out and on down the road. Them sons a bitches abandon me is what happened!!! LOL And for all the years I poured myself into them, I never really ended up with a life of my own. Even after they moved out and off to school and work and their cool rentals and such, I still ended up pouring myself into their new lives and just never really worried about getting one for myself....but now....suddenly...it seems that I actually can. That's freaking and exciting and scary all at the same time!! I have a multitude of options now that I never had before, and I don't have a clue which one to take.
And it occurred to me today how lucky I am to have Mr Fixit in my world. He's like a permanent fixture now. So even though them brats grew up and moved on, I'm not alone. I have a playmate to run with everyday. And not just some guy that I've grown apart from over hundreds of years of doing our own thing, but a buddy who likes to do the same things I do, and suddenly we have extra play money and we both just stare at each other and laugh...okay...THIS is IT....we've got to find some LIVES!!!! How cool is that...to have the chance to go for something new and different and exciting in our worlds now....or I guess you could say how LAME is that, that we are just now deciding it's time for us to decided what the hell it is WE like and want to do with our lives. LOL Take your pick...I think I'll go for a heaping spoonful of each!!! :)
We headed out Sunday to the Renaissance festival in Bonner Springs. We haven't been in years...couldn't afford to go for one reason or another....spent all the money on getting kids in school and sport supplies and blah blah blah...but all that is behind us now...and we could actually afford to go and to BUY SHIT!!! Wow!!! So we went and walked around...I looked and looked at all this totally cool shit there, and finally Mr Fixit says, haven't you found anything you like yet??? And I say SURE I have, but it's all kinda expensive.......you see....I'm still in that mind set..of Look but don't touch....Browse but don't buy....get ideas to make something like this at home for the kids for Christmas, but don't burn all your money on it, or you won't be able to buy a soda for the way home......Well....Mr Fixit had to kick my ass into a new gear...I think it was overdrive...but you'll have to ask him, cause he's the mechanic of the household...anyhoo...he says, You point to something, or I'm gonna just start buying some shit for you!!! Well....since you put it THAT way.....so found some really cool Celtic design ear rings, and we found some cool pottery shot glasses....I doubt we will ever use them, but I thought the design they had made on their style of pottery was so eye catching and Mr Fixit wanted to buy some of it for our house...so four shot glasses it was....and then we went by this tie dye shop and he all but drags me in there and I pick out this amazing sun dress in greens and blues and lacy tie ups and uneven hem lines and it was just the SHIT!!! And we bought turkey legs and beer and lots of fun things....even flowers....cause the big titted girl hawking them would NOT leave us alone. And I HATE roses, and Mr Fixit knows that...but she had one stem of painted daisies and he paid her twice the asking price....cause she was one hell of a salesman!!! And we finally found a neat pottery bowl for this table he now has....it's a real wagon wheel with a team harness for the legs...and the hub sticks up higher than the glass top...so I was looking for something to set on top of it....and we found a really cool bowl with little straws coming up out of it to hold flowers....it's actually like a vase, but it's big and glazed and beautiful and looks really good on the table....I cut the daisies he bought for me down and put them in it when we got home.
It was just so strange to go and have money to play with and pick out things that WE wanted and not trying to buy for all the kids....as Mr Fixit it put it....FUCK them kids..WE'RE the kids now!!! So we played like kids and had a blast....gray hairs and wrinkles and all...we were feeling like the teenagers we passed by....except we had far more of our skin covered and far less tatoos and piercings...but you get the idea!!!! It was a crazy wonderful day of youth and ya know what...I think I liked the hell out of it!! I think I could go for another one just like it!! I think this empty nest shit is the BOMB!!! Oh don't get me wrong...I do miss my kids...and I do still worry about them...but there is a wild heady rush in this freedom we now have....and I think it may be addictive!!! MUWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! ( the evil laugh)
So....come on by...but if we are not here...it's cause we have finally figured out we can go get a life and that's what we are up to...cept of course for when it's shitty cold out...then I won't be leaving the house....being old and having an empty nest means you can come and go as you please, or NOT as you please.....it's pretty much a win win situation....and I'm gonna have to think up something super wonderful to do to spoil the old man.....cause he really is making this part of my life a lot of fun. I'm grateful he's around...and my kids really ought to be too!! It's easier to let go of them when I have somebody else to hang on to.
Oh, and the big news of the house is that Water Boy just took his big Air Force tests and did super on them...like way above the passing mark and that means he can qualify for just about anything he wants to aim for...like being a pilot. SO YEAH for my smart son. I was secretly hoping he'd fail miserably and have to stay here with mommy for ever...but of course I didn't raise him to be a dumb ass, and so long as I can take some of the credit for his intelligence, and YES, I'M GOING TO!!!!!, then I will let him be a smart ass and head on down his happy little flyboy path...after all.....Mr Fixit and I have places to go and things to do and people to see!!! We are on a quest for our own lives.....THIS is gonna be wicked crazy fun!!!!
And that's the dill pickle bout that!!
And it occurred to me today how lucky I am to have Mr Fixit in my world. He's like a permanent fixture now. So even though them brats grew up and moved on, I'm not alone. I have a playmate to run with everyday. And not just some guy that I've grown apart from over hundreds of years of doing our own thing, but a buddy who likes to do the same things I do, and suddenly we have extra play money and we both just stare at each other and laugh...okay...THIS is IT....we've got to find some LIVES!!!! How cool is that...to have the chance to go for something new and different and exciting in our worlds now....or I guess you could say how LAME is that, that we are just now deciding it's time for us to decided what the hell it is WE like and want to do with our lives. LOL Take your pick...I think I'll go for a heaping spoonful of each!!! :)
We headed out Sunday to the Renaissance festival in Bonner Springs. We haven't been in years...couldn't afford to go for one reason or another....spent all the money on getting kids in school and sport supplies and blah blah blah...but all that is behind us now...and we could actually afford to go and to BUY SHIT!!! Wow!!! So we went and walked around...I looked and looked at all this totally cool shit there, and finally Mr Fixit says, haven't you found anything you like yet??? And I say SURE I have, but it's all kinda expensive.......you see....I'm still in that mind set..of Look but don't touch....Browse but don't buy....get ideas to make something like this at home for the kids for Christmas, but don't burn all your money on it, or you won't be able to buy a soda for the way home......Well....Mr Fixit had to kick my ass into a new gear...I think it was overdrive...but you'll have to ask him, cause he's the mechanic of the household...anyhoo...he says, You point to something, or I'm gonna just start buying some shit for you!!! Well....since you put it THAT way.....so found some really cool Celtic design ear rings, and we found some cool pottery shot glasses....I doubt we will ever use them, but I thought the design they had made on their style of pottery was so eye catching and Mr Fixit wanted to buy some of it for our house...so four shot glasses it was....and then we went by this tie dye shop and he all but drags me in there and I pick out this amazing sun dress in greens and blues and lacy tie ups and uneven hem lines and it was just the SHIT!!! And we bought turkey legs and beer and lots of fun things....even flowers....cause the big titted girl hawking them would NOT leave us alone. And I HATE roses, and Mr Fixit knows that...but she had one stem of painted daisies and he paid her twice the asking price....cause she was one hell of a salesman!!! And we finally found a neat pottery bowl for this table he now has....it's a real wagon wheel with a team harness for the legs...and the hub sticks up higher than the glass top...so I was looking for something to set on top of it....and we found a really cool bowl with little straws coming up out of it to hold flowers....it's actually like a vase, but it's big and glazed and beautiful and looks really good on the table....I cut the daisies he bought for me down and put them in it when we got home.
It was just so strange to go and have money to play with and pick out things that WE wanted and not trying to buy for all the kids....as Mr Fixit it put it....FUCK them kids..WE'RE the kids now!!! So we played like kids and had a blast....gray hairs and wrinkles and all...we were feeling like the teenagers we passed by....except we had far more of our skin covered and far less tatoos and piercings...but you get the idea!!!! It was a crazy wonderful day of youth and ya know what...I think I liked the hell out of it!! I think I could go for another one just like it!! I think this empty nest shit is the BOMB!!! Oh don't get me wrong...I do miss my kids...and I do still worry about them...but there is a wild heady rush in this freedom we now have....and I think it may be addictive!!! MUWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! ( the evil laugh)
So....come on by...but if we are not here...it's cause we have finally figured out we can go get a life and that's what we are up to...cept of course for when it's shitty cold out...then I won't be leaving the house....being old and having an empty nest means you can come and go as you please, or NOT as you please.....it's pretty much a win win situation....and I'm gonna have to think up something super wonderful to do to spoil the old man.....cause he really is making this part of my life a lot of fun. I'm grateful he's around...and my kids really ought to be too!! It's easier to let go of them when I have somebody else to hang on to.
Oh, and the big news of the house is that Water Boy just took his big Air Force tests and did super on them...like way above the passing mark and that means he can qualify for just about anything he wants to aim for...like being a pilot. SO YEAH for my smart son. I was secretly hoping he'd fail miserably and have to stay here with mommy for ever...but of course I didn't raise him to be a dumb ass, and so long as I can take some of the credit for his intelligence, and YES, I'M GOING TO!!!!!, then I will let him be a smart ass and head on down his happy little flyboy path...after all.....Mr Fixit and I have places to go and things to do and people to see!!! We are on a quest for our own lives.....THIS is gonna be wicked crazy fun!!!!
And that's the dill pickle bout that!!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Stalling.........
Yes I'm stalling right now....it's time to make salsa...I have all the bags of tomatoes out of the deep freeze.....that's how we do it....pick em as they rippen and blanch, peel and throw em in freezer bags til I have enough to do a huge batch...cause it's a big ordeal to get everything chopped up and in to a pot and canned....I don't even think about it til I have a huge amount...which is why I've been putting it off...this year just sucked for tomatoes...but, it's gonna get down into the 30s tonight and in the coming week and the rest of the tomatoes will not be seeing red on the vine...time to pick them all and throw them in. This isn't the first year I've had to improvise.....salsa is pretty much what ever you want...I've known folks who threw in corn and shredded carrots and black beans and whatever you have around to make it a decent sized batch....one year I think I threw in everything but kitty litter....and I may have added some of THAT!!! This year I'm added green tomatoes too and we are gonna go with a salsa verde kind of a thing.....I've got three bunches of celery and four bags of onions and garlic...oh yes and green/banana peppers coming out of my ass....so yeah...some red tomatoes and some hot peppers and I've got some kind of garden veggie thing going down in the pot on the stove today!! Or at least that's the game plan....I've yet to get started...well...I HAD to blog about it first!!!
Yesterday my boss hugged me.....can you believe it? She hugged me? Now what the hell brought that on? I did ALL the office cleaning chores...cause no body else will and sometimes I just feel like being the kind considerate woman my mom tried to raise.....and it was the end of the day and my work was done....the office looked good...it's 15 minutes to 4:00 and I hand her my time card....which says I worked til 4....and I say "I'm taking the mail to the post office and I'm outta here, I just can't work in these conditions....it's too clean in here, it's too quiet, and it's too sunny outside...I'm outta here sister!!!" And she stopped in her tracks walking back to her desk and she turns around and throws her arms around me and gives me a big hug and tells me thanks for all my help. WTF??!!!!!! Kinda threw me for a loop....but it was nice just the same!!
Another totally weird thing going down right now is money. I have it.....and that's some weird freaky shit folks!!! Mr Fixit got a new job with a whole lot more money coming in the door every week...and suddenly...all the bills are paid and the groceries are bought, we've started up a savings account to stash back funds to build him a nice big garage and I STILL HAVE MONEY. Like I have cash left over in my wallet....how wild is THAT?!!!! And here's the really weird part...I don't NEED anything. Now...what the hell????? I'm serious...I have a closet cram packed with clothes and shoes....granted...I need to dig out the winter ones, but still...I have everything I need and a lot of shit I don't. What am I gonna do with this money? Do you think I should just carry it around....I don't know if my wallet knows how to do that? She's strictly a plastic card kinda gal....I could be over loading her at this very minute!!! I should go shopping and find something to buy....Mr Fixit needs some new shirts and maybe some new 501s, but no, no...this is just to freaky to shop with cash....I'm going to hide out at home today and contemplate the meaning......and make salsa of course....that ought to keep me out of trouble for the entire day!!
Soooo....I really need to get started....it begins with rearranging the entire laundry room so I can pop open the door to the basement...it's one of those floor door thingys...and haul up my huge canning pot....and the pressure cooker and the jars and then I'll need a nap....and then I have to chop up tons of fresh veggies.....yes by hand..... all day..with sweat dripping off my face..(she says as she hauls out her handy dandy food processor) and then I'll need another nap....and then bringing it all to a slow boil in a huge pot WITHOUT burning what's on the bottom...that's always fun....and sloping most of it in jars and not all over the stove, walls, floor, myself....that's the tricky part....yeah it's gonna be a long haul today...but hey....I'm down to two pints of salsa from last year and I can't survive a winter without it...so......here we goooooooooooo
And that's the dill pickle bout over here today!!!
Yesterday my boss hugged me.....can you believe it? She hugged me? Now what the hell brought that on? I did ALL the office cleaning chores...cause no body else will and sometimes I just feel like being the kind considerate woman my mom tried to raise.....and it was the end of the day and my work was done....the office looked good...it's 15 minutes to 4:00 and I hand her my time card....which says I worked til 4....and I say "I'm taking the mail to the post office and I'm outta here, I just can't work in these conditions....it's too clean in here, it's too quiet, and it's too sunny outside...I'm outta here sister!!!" And she stopped in her tracks walking back to her desk and she turns around and throws her arms around me and gives me a big hug and tells me thanks for all my help. WTF??!!!!!! Kinda threw me for a loop....but it was nice just the same!!
Another totally weird thing going down right now is money. I have it.....and that's some weird freaky shit folks!!! Mr Fixit got a new job with a whole lot more money coming in the door every week...and suddenly...all the bills are paid and the groceries are bought, we've started up a savings account to stash back funds to build him a nice big garage and I STILL HAVE MONEY. Like I have cash left over in my wallet....how wild is THAT?!!!! And here's the really weird part...I don't NEED anything. Now...what the hell????? I'm serious...I have a closet cram packed with clothes and shoes....granted...I need to dig out the winter ones, but still...I have everything I need and a lot of shit I don't. What am I gonna do with this money? Do you think I should just carry it around....I don't know if my wallet knows how to do that? She's strictly a plastic card kinda gal....I could be over loading her at this very minute!!! I should go shopping and find something to buy....Mr Fixit needs some new shirts and maybe some new 501s, but no, no...this is just to freaky to shop with cash....I'm going to hide out at home today and contemplate the meaning......and make salsa of course....that ought to keep me out of trouble for the entire day!!
Soooo....I really need to get started....it begins with rearranging the entire laundry room so I can pop open the door to the basement...it's one of those floor door thingys...and haul up my huge canning pot....and the pressure cooker and the jars and then I'll need a nap....and then I have to chop up tons of fresh veggies.....yes by hand..... all day..with sweat dripping off my face..(she says as she hauls out her handy dandy food processor) and then I'll need another nap....and then bringing it all to a slow boil in a huge pot WITHOUT burning what's on the bottom...that's always fun....and sloping most of it in jars and not all over the stove, walls, floor, myself....that's the tricky part....yeah it's gonna be a long haul today...but hey....I'm down to two pints of salsa from last year and I can't survive a winter without it...so......here we goooooooooooo
And that's the dill pickle bout over here today!!!
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