Back to the grind

You know you are getting older when you don't plan a damn thing for your birthday and it goes along smooth and uneventful and you are quite pleased at how it went by the end of the day. Happy's blog says it's the little things that make life wonderful...I say it's the absence of the big shit!!!

I didn't have to get up and get ready for anything. I LOVED that!! I ate gooseberry pie for breakfast and didn't even care when I got a seed stuck in my old ass teeth! I played in the yard and finished planting a shit load of bulbs that were so beautiful in the store all packaged up with pretty pictures and became something akin to tiny little hard dog turds I would have rather thrown by the time I had dug the eleventy-seventh 6" hole to put them in. But it was still great...the sun on my back...dirt under my fingernails...(yeah I'm weird like that...what's your point?!!)...the puppies lounging beside me in the sun....peeking at me occasionally for what I was sure to be a memorization of each little hole I dug so they could come back thru the next morning and dig them all up...but so far.....they are all still snuggly-bug in the earth and ready to do their big "Spring Dance" for me next year.

I dragged the old man out to the picnic table in the late afternoon and we sat there sipping beers and enjoying the sunshine....which he claims he special ordered for me just for my birthday....thanks Babe!!! He's real special like that. And we yawned and stretched and talked about doing something of value for the day.....which was great....TALKING about it...but of course you don't have to get things done on a birthday....so naturally we just sat there and didn't get up unless we were headed in for another round.

I got to laugh at the laundry pile and the dingy hardwood floors I had just mopped the day before....sorry...can't mess with you today...it's my birthday and I am NOT working on a damn thing!!! Guilt free laziness...oh man it was awesome.

I guess we could have gone somewhere and did something....but I didn't want the big shit....I just wanted a down day....and that's what I got...and it was wonderful. I found myself thinking how pissed I would have been about 25 years ago...that nothing happened....that nobody pulled out all the stops for me....that I didn't have anything big to go and do and snap pictures of and remember.....that's just one of the many gifts of old age....we don't give a shit about the hoopla and crap anymore.

So....I get back to the grind today...and there's all the young girls at work...wishing me a happy belated b-day and wanting to know what I got.......What I got? Oh you mean like presents? Well let's see...some of my favorites were.....I got to visit with all three of my kids on Saturday night....wrap my arms around them and stick my nose in their necks and snuggly for a moment. I got to spend some time with my favorite brother who was up this weekend from Arkansas. I got to eat some of my mom's gooseberry pie which is just better than anything else on earth!!! I got some kick-ass morning sex!! I got to spend time outside with Autumn sunshine on my face...which is priceless to me, cause you never know how much longer you are gonna get it. I got to play with puppies and cuddle with an old Shepard gal who loves me muchly. And I got to laugh so hard beer almost came out my nose at something the old man tossed out there. He always says the craziest stuff!! There were a lot more things besides that, but those were some of my favorite birthday gifts. They thought I was nuts, and could not grasp the fact I didn't unwrap anything...well, I guess I opened up a card my mom gave to me for my birthday along with the gooseberry pies at the family gathering Saturday night...does that count?

The best gifts in life don't come from the store or in gift wrap...you silly little girls. Man I am so glad I have gotten older and can actually enjoy who I am and where I'm at and life in general. I wouldn't trade one laugh line or one gray hair for anything else. If I would have known it was gonna get this good at this age, I'd have gotten here a LOT sooner!!! LOL

Yeah, I'm not 50 yet, but I can spit and hit it from here...and that's just fine with me.....turning 50 will be just fine with me....more grays and wrinkles and flab will be just fine with me. It's good to be at a place where little things reign supreme and the big shit has taken a hike!!! I don't even mind I'm back to the grind....how awesome is that.....of course it could just be that old age has demented my mind and I can't remember how crappy my day was....Who cares!!! Brain Farts are a blessing too!!!!! And that's just the dill pickle 'bout that!!!

Dealing with Life...you know..that thing that happens while you were busying making other plans....

So....big birthday weekend. Yeah, I like to have one of those every year or so....I have to stop and think....I'm pretty sure I'll be 48...but I'll have to get the calculator out to double check the math...Mr Fixit and I will be the same age for exactly 33 days...and then he has to get older than me again...I LOVE IT!!! So I am the old lady (cause I call him the old man and then suddenly I am his age...SHIT)...for 33 days...and then for the other 332 days he gets to be the OLD MAN again. It's totally fair in my book!!

So I take Friday off, cause nothing makes for a great birthday better than a three day weekend. And I'm planning to go garage sailing...but nobody I usually hang with for treasure hunting can go...no biggy...I'll go myself...I even looked up the sales and make a list....But then this past week we had a 'kid' crisis and had to go Mr Fixit's oldest son's house to bail him out of a jam. And I took all these clothes and things I've been finding for all the grandbabies over there...and nobody was happy about it.....nobody wanted to look thru the sacks...and yes...there were several for each child....nobody said thanks....nobody cared. I did get a comment from Mr Fixit's daughter over her big ass sack of baby clothes for the one she is expecting in January.... "Yeah, I'll have to look thru all that and see if there's anything I can use". Really???? Well SHIT!! SO I am a little bummed about all the time and effort picking up stuff to help them out and save them money...and suddenly I really don't give a shit weather I garage sale on my big birthday weekend or not. Especially since it won't be a social event...screw it...I'll go SHOPPING!!! I haven't been thru Kohls in a long long time...and there are a few other shops I wanted to check out and cool...yeah...this is what I want to do!!!!

So plans are made and then comes Life....Water Boy....he's had what I thought was a boil on his tail bone before...no biggy...hot compress...bring it to a head...it pops like a zit and heals up and goes away....right??? Well, not this one...so, I call and make a dr.'s apt for him on my big Birthday Friday off...we'll go see the dr....and then go shopping!!!!!! (He is less than jumping up and down excited about that part) And so 10:00 am...we make our appointment...and then we sit....and we wait....and we wait some more.....watching The Price is Right....and by the way, Where the hell is Bob Barker???!!!! Did he die or something??? Anyhoo...the show gets over, I can't believe the price of some of that stupid shit on that show.....but there we are...an hour later...sitting.....still waiting....The Water Boy...he's actually pretty cool about it...just hanging...me? I'm trying to discreetly wipe the foam gathering at the sides of my mouth. DON'T waste my time here people? I made an apt one hour into your happy little doctor day...how can you be this far behind already???? I had to make a scene...not terribly bad...but enough to let them know I didn't appreciate my valuable time being sucked up by their inability to keep to a schedule. And just what the hell is up with that anyways? After all these years and doctor's offices still haven't figured out how to schedule people so they don't have to wait for days in their waiting room???? Now what the hell?!!!

Well anyways...we are there a grand total of two and a half hours....now I'm pissed AND hungry. Boy I'll tell ya, IHOP really does mean it when they say come hungry and leave happy. I was in a better frame of mind.....but Water Boy ...he had his 'boil' poked and prodded and renamed...it's actually a cyst. WHO KNEW??!!!! So he doesn't feel like shopping, so we head to Walmart to grab just the few things I needed for Saturday and his prescription and well, he found a couple movies he KNEW I'D LOVE to see...so what the hell....it's my b-day weekend and I didn't get to do anything on my fun list...let's get them.....after all it's WALMART and you know how I get when I'm in that store!!!!

And then I get home....and I'm thinking...ya know what...I'd love to just play in the yard...yeah, that's what I'll do!! I'll plant those bulbs I bought during a recent Walmart binge and I'll just have fun diggin in the dirt...which is really MY THANG...but, silly me....making plans...I couldn't find half the shit I needed to play in the yard with....and by the time I did...Mr Fixit was coming home and then we had his big agenda.....mow and smoke ribs and get ready for Saturday night. (My brother is in town this weekend and the whole family is coming out tonight for a big family gathering with ribs and steaks and Mr. Fixit is running amuck...eyes glazed over that everything is RIGHT) Okay...you go with that baby...I'll just be over here out of your way...hollar if ya need me!!! So...finally......just about dark...I get to put a few bulbs in the ground...but have to stop cause...I can't fucking SEE what I'm doing and it's COLD!!!

Today....Day 2 of the big birthday weekend...I get to clean house...so it can be trashed before the sun goes down....and fix up the patio all pretty....so I can clearly see the trash left behind later tonight....oh yes and run back to Topeka to pick up a bride's maid dress for The Gypsy...who needs it next weekend. NO PROBLEMO!!!!!

And I'm thinking....why did I make any plans? I know LIFE will show up and have her hateful little way!!! She's an old bitch with a mean humor streak if you asked me!!! But it's all good. Somewhere along the way I got to spend some good time with my son.. I got to see Happy for a moment at the post office coming back from town....I'll have the whole family out to enjoy tonight...and my house will look good...for about an hour....and it's all working okay for me. Odd isn't it!! Life is gonna happen just to spite your best made plans, so I'm just gonna roll with it. I'm thinking I may have to find a StarBucks on the way back with the bridesmaid dress too, cause, after all...it is my Birthday Weekend!!!!

And tomorrow....NO PLANS.....I may finish planting my bulbs...OR NOT....I may go out to eat...OR NOT....I may take a nap after re cleaning my house...OR NOT. Who the hell knows...it's up for grabs people....no plans for LIFE to fuck with...which is probably gonna make it a great day...and great days are the best ones to age on!!!

And that's just my dill pickle bout that!!!

Walmart Binges

Damn those Walmart peoples!!! I hate them all!! I go every other Friday night...about $200 to $300 worth of a cart packed to the gills....big bags of dog/cat food and the canned of course, cause I have spoiled every fricken thing in my house beyond repair...and bottled water and Mr Fixit likes Gatorade and those cute little bottles of chocolate milk to take in his lunchbox for breakfast time....yeah, when you start work at 6:00AM you tend to take a breakfast snack for first break....any hooo.....I have a list on a clipboard cause I am super organized like that and I check off each time an item gets chucked into the cart and cuss under my breath each time I have to start that cart back up into motion with one hundred and elevety-seven pounds on it...and thru out the store......they set up their cute little displays to side track me....them sons a bitches!!!!!!

So I need to pick a few things in the health isles and see this new display of reading glasses....oh man look they come in cool colors now!! And since Mr Fixit and I are fighting over the last pair in the house the puppies have not managed to turn into a chew toy, I really should pick up a pair....or FOUR. Good Lord woman...get a grip!! But hey, now we have pairs all over the house, so this will be good...okay..just stick to the list and let's get this done!! SO...back on to the list...shampoo and razors..okay...but NO....low and behold, here comes the hair ties...all shiny and fun and calling my name...well hell yes they know it...I practically live there!!! And I see this one new thingy that a couple girls at work have with two hair combs and some type of beaded elastic stuff between them and it comes in TWO different colors and I'm thinking HELL YES...that would just be the bomb to keep my hair out of my face and into the cart they go......

So then I'm done loading dog food bags...two kinds of course....don't know why I even bother, the old gal goes for the puppy chow when she thinks no one is looking and the puppies want what the old gal is eating as soon as she's had her fill...I should just throw some of each in a big bowl and wish em' all the best of luck!!! But then theres cat food and the big ass container of litter I buy and now the cart is feeling a little more like something you'd work out on at the gym and I'm headed down to the back side of the store towards the light bulbs when WOW...What is THAT!! Look at that display of TULIP BULBS!! $5.00!!!! Really??? I could afford that!!! What color do I want???? Oh man they have so many bi-colored ones this year!!! Oh wow..red Hyacinths....too cool!!! Oh look, little crocus...they bloom right up thru the snow!!!!...Sooooo $30.00 later...I'm getting a nice work out back on course...list right under my nose...and I'm determined to stay on track...really I am...don't need to go over budget yet again...and I'm picking up printer paper and back to the main isle I go...yeah for me...I'm gonna stick to the list now..I promi......Holy Crap....Clash of the Titans is out on DVD!!! Oh look at all that bronze buff!!! I bet Mr Fixit would enjoy this one...so it'd be okay to buy it...cause, really...it's a man movie, so I'm doing it for him...and for the Water Boy the next time he pops in to rest and shower and FEED and asks..."got any new movies mom??"....so SURE, I can do this....WHOPP, into the bulging cart it goes......

Okay...just get to the grocery part of the store and get the hell out of here!!! Okay..eggs and chocolate milk and bottled water...stick to the list...stick to the li....HEY!!! Cranberry Trail Mix!! Who knew???!!! That sounds good!! Bet it'd be healthy too!! I could even put a little container in Mr Fixit's lunch.....well yeah!!!!

So..on it goes...then I get to the produce section and yes...even there...I find something displayed by those evil people at Walmart who have a conspiracy going to totally destroy my monthly budget!!! Now the cart is damn near immovable...I am making funny little grunting sounds when I try to get it into motion....Complete and total idiots are pushing carts and walking right in front of me like I have any control to steer or stop this out of control freight train of a cart. I get that "Oh HELL NO!!" look from the checker....I'm use to it by now...I'll laugh and tease them thru out the long draw out process and cry when the total comes up and they will feel sorry for me and not mind the hour of their time I took up when it's all done. Get over it little person...you too will be a mom/wife/four legged kid owner someday and be in my shoes!!! And then I get the joy of pushing this cart UP the parking lot slope to my van...cars backing out right in front of me.....oh THANKS PUMPKIN!!! Yes please hurry off to get to the party your tiny little ass must be headed for...with your new tiny sack of eye liner you had to have before you went...I don't mind trying to start this Mac Truck back up into motion UP HILL!! Have a great night!!! Try not to puke on your new sandals!!! And then it's load it all up in my tired ole van and drive home sipping my Subway Coke and eyeing the sandwiches that I am SUPPOSE to wait to eat with the ole man once we get home and unload this semi into the house....and then...then....when he's worn out and eating his sandwich...I can break it to him....gently of course.....'Look Honey...I got us some new reading glasses....and I got you this new movie...rememeber..we saw the previews and you said it looked like a good one!!' I think I'll save the flower bulbs for another day...like next spring...when they are popping up out of the ground and looking wonderful as they usher in a new Spring!!!

Is it any wonder I am now broke yet again?? It's not my fault!! I had my list!! I had my good intentions!!! It's those damn Walmart peoples!!! Yes, I know...it's truly time for a support group isn't it!! Which one do you go to??? :) So yeah, I'll be home the rest of the weekend...but I'll have lots of totally cool new STUFF!!!!!!!! And THAT'S the dill pickle bout that!!!

Some days are like that

Today was a totally great day!! I got everything accomplished at work I wanted to...so much so that I get to take tomorrow off and burn some vacation time!! Yahoo!!! I love three day weekends....and hopefully it won't be piled to high come Monday.....I have one of those jobs where nobody does any of my work when I'm gone...they just stack it up on my desk...they know me...they know I'll be back...they know I'll get it knocked out to meet which ever deadline is hanging over my head this time...they know I prefer to handle it and to keep the hell out of my office....they know they don't have to do it and they DON'T WANT TO!!!! So...talking off is always a touchy thing...gotta plan it out just right. But it will be great to have a little time to play. Yes...the garage sailing queen will be at it again bright an early...I just can't get enough. And there is something about fall closing in that makes me want to go all the time because it a month or less there won't be any out there...sniff sniff. I still have a baby swing and play pen to find for the step daughter....and I am always on the look out for jeans or sweaters or wooden spoons or some simple silly thing like that....500 piece puzzles for my momma....some wild sheet set for the futon in the living room...ohhhhhh the treasures you can find!!!! My eyes are glazing over just thinking about it!!!

So I was driving home from work today and coming down the road, slowing down to see if cars were coming...I live on a hill on a gravel road...and my mail box is on the other side of the street...so I have to slow way down to see if any cars are coming from the other way and then I can pull my van over to the mailbox and get my mail the fat ass lazy way...which I LOVE doing...and there it was....sitting at the edge of my drive way....my brand new shiny pretty trash bin....one of those huge beasts with wheels and everything....OH BOY!!!! I was expecting a little bling on it for as much as they want to charge me to pick up trash once a week...but what ever...I am just so excited to have it here!!!! I went running around the house...tripping over the dogs....trying to gather up all the trash from all the cans and empty ashtrays and I even cleaned out the fruit bin in the fridge and YES YES, I got enough to fill up a trash bag and I walked proudly out the back door and tossed that bitch into my new pretty shiny trash bin!!! WHAT a great feeling!!! NO...I did not accidentally take too many doses of a prescription medication!!! I just get excited about new things in my world!! And it beats the hell out of gathering up trash and throwing it in the back of Mr Fixit's work truck....hopping no animals find it during the night...so he can haul it off to the trash bin at work.....his OLD work....HISTORY now!!!! So we got a trash service and I got MYSELF a shiny new trash container....oh life is good!!!

Tonight I can kick back in my trashless house and goof off...I don't have to work tomorrow!! Hahahahaladidah!!! Left overs for supper....laundry is done...too damp still to mow...oh yeah, it's gonna be a wonderful sit on my butt and do nothing kind of evening....and three whole days off IN A ROW!!!! Yeah, somedays in my world are like that!!! And that's the dill pickle bout that!!!

Things that make me go "Hummmmmmmmm???"

So....Sunday afternoon and I am finishing up with all the CRAP that got put off til the last day to get it done...like housework and laundry and sewing and blah blah blah. And I happen to see how late in the day it was getting to be and I thought...Holy Crap...It's Blog:30!!!

Mr Fixit starts his new job tomorrow. He has been as nervous as a whore in church all week. It's funny in my twisted sense of humor way....because he has NOTHING to be nervous about. I mean seriously, he was born to do this job....and he has already been doing it for several years for Fools, Inc....he just didn't have the title, or the pay....or the bonus they give out to the foreman at the end of the fiscal year....or the nice pickup truck you can drive around all weekend in....like all those guys do....on company gas. But hey, other than all THAT....he's been doing everything that this new job wants him to do....'cept they are gonna give him the title and the paycheck and the company pickup.....funny how things work out in your flavor every once in a while!! But the funny thing is...he really does know all this...and yet he's doubting himself. WHY?!! Why do we do that??? Cause it's not just him....it's everybody...we all get nervous and anxious and worry about taking on a new task or job or assignment or committee or whatever and even if we know we have what it takes to complete the job...we still freak. How did we all become such non believer's in ourselves?

Did somebody give us the ole "Pride goeth before a fall" line to many times and we started thinking it was wrong to trust in our abilities and judgements? Do we all think somewhere deep in our subconscious that self assurance is a bad bad ugly wrong thing? I don't know....I just know I see so many of my family and friends freaking out over a big project coming up that they are more than qualified to do, yet suddenly feel like they are gonna fail or screw it up badly. Wonder why? Just one of the many things in life that make me say "Hummmmmmm"

So I spent Friday afternoon garage sailing....something I love to do...and I have a God-given talent for it. Give me a list to knock out, and I generally get the grace of God to get it done. The very first garage I walked up to......I shit you not....the very FIRST one, I dropped $50.00 and came away with more than half of my list for baby items.....car seats and baby bouncer thingys and these totally cool mesh bath carrier thingys and high chairs and walkers...cept you can't get around in them, cause they have a plastic snow saucer thingy in the bottom of them, and all kinds of little stuff you need with a baby in the house. WHY you ask am I running around gathering baby items so cheaply....is there some big news I need to share??????? OH HELL NO!!!! My baby days are behind me....I'm afraid I'm at the age where I would actually forget I had one and then have to go looking for it!!! No...my step daughter is having another baby...after claiming she would never do that again when her first one came cesarean style...and so she gave away ALL her baby crap....and now we are starting again...from scratch...damnit!!! And I have a grand niece...just 17...who is pregnant and of course she has no clue how much this child is going to cost her and the daddy...who married her....it use to be a thing of honor....now I think it's more stupidity...but what ever...I'm just the old 'crazy aunt' as she calls me...so what do I know.....I know how to find some kick ass deals at garage sales...THAT'S what I KNOW!!!! LOL Why do kids have kids they can't afford? Why do I spend all my fun money on these kids???? Just a little more that makes me say 'Hummmmmmmmmm"

And then ....garage sailing with my first born....my little Gypsy...who is quite the garage sailor herself....as well as her little sister....apparently they were both paying attention to their mommy when she use to take them along.....Who Knew?!!!!! We are all over Silver Lake on Saturday.....checking out all the crap for the sign or scent of a treasure....and we see this priest...well I'm guess he's a priest...in his black floor length robes....looks just like he stepped down from the pulpit...and he's carrying this snazzy little man purse to collect all his goodies he may find in....and going from sale to sale just ahead of us....and my first born....who lost her desire to follow in her mother's faith somewhere along the way....it happens ya know...happened to me, happened to her...but I came back around and so will she....anyhoo...she and I are cracking up about this priest....and comparing thoughts....like.....Seriously??? All his jeans are in the dirty clothes? He has to wear his Sunday Go-To-Meetin' clothes cause he has no Saturday go to garage-sailin' outfits? He enjoys sweating profusely in black? Garage sale people are the devil and he is on call for an emergency exorcism? Oh we just went on and on....and then she says she is overcome with the desire to go up and say something like..."Sweet Man Purse ya got there Pops".....at this time, I begin laughing hysterically and dragging her down a side street....I think I just about pissed my pants she had me laughing to hard. How did I raise up a child who could be so casual with a man of the cloth? Where is her respect for the priesthood? How could she be so flippant with religious peoples? I pondered all of this as I tried my damnest NOT to pee right there in the middle of the Silver Lake Suburbs and stop laughing hysterically.....yes...people were looking...apparently we were having WAY TOO MUCH FUN garage sailing. And yet just one more thing to make me say 'hummmmmmmmmmm'.

Anyhoo...that's the dill pickle bout that!!!

Testosterone Enhancers....WTF????

So..it's been a crazy week...Mr Fixit has accepted a new job...Management position...I'm pretty thrilled....a LOT more money and insurance that just makes me want to get up and do a gig right this second....I just may get that hysterectomy of my dreams....Can't imagine life without bleeding to death each month...but anyways...it's been exciting to hear what's been going on as the rats in the field at Fools Inc scramble to figure out what to do without him next week. And then...the idiot goes BACK to work tonight to fix something that broke down after he left...it's either total dedication to his job and integrity...or sheer stupidity....the jury is still out on that one....

So, after we cuss and discuss the day...and play outside...I've been butchering flowerbeds this week...oh nothing inhumane...just cutting back all the dead and letting the new growth on the ground get a little sunshine before winter finds her way here...we...Mr Fixit and I...find our way to the living room and settle in for a little of satellite's finest....are we really shelling out that much money for this shit???? Well, anyways...there is this new commercial that keeps coming on...the first time I saw it ...I just laughed....how many new things can they come up with for old men????? I mean seriously??? This new one is on a LOT...shows the guy standing there all sad and tired...and his shadow is just living it up playing sports and presenting flowers on bended knee and they are telling you that if you are a guy who just doesn't have the energy he use to in his youth...it may be a drop in testosterone..and this new shit we are selling will cure all that......I laughed the first time I saw it...and the second...chuckled once the third time...but by the 20th it was making my butt twitch.......all right you sons a bitches....let's just sell this shit shall we.....scoot the hell over and let me tell you how it is................

Are you feeling tired and not as active as you once were men????? Well there's a reason for that!! You're old shits!!! It happens!!! You can accept it with some grace if you're smart....Look across the living room...see that woman who is content doing her sewing or reading or whatever? Your wonderful wife of 30 + years???? Yeah her!!! She's an old shit too!!! Now look around your world there dumb shit...see the big ass flat screen and the fancy nice furniture in your spotless living room??? See the kitchen with all your favorite's stocked up in the fridge and pantry???? The expensive steak knife set on the counter? How bout that Expedition in the frickin drive way??? See all that shit??? That's the environment of an old shit....you get to have a lot of cool shit!!! You get to have a wife who knows how to make your life just right for you and keep your totally cool home nice and clean and just how you like it...cause she's an old shit who will do it for your dumb ass!!!
Ya wanna take some testosterone enhancers and feel like you're 18 again...you idiot? Go right ahead. Now you can have a hard dick every night of the week...but guess what...that wonderful woman who has put up with your ass all these years is not going to want it every night....cause she's an old shit who has some grace and dignity and is just going with the flow of the years. You on the other hand are an old STUPID shit with a hard dick and you can't do a thing with it. So you'll have to go to the clubs and bars and night spots of the dark...and yes....you can find some young shits who will think you are the bomb....NOT because you FEEL 18 again, but because you have MONEY...and they will flock around you for the money. And boy won't that be sweet...surrounded by a bunch of young shallow pretty things....playing on your vanity for your bucks... Yes you fool, they will come around as long as the money is flowing out to them..but GUESS WHAT??!!!!
That woman who has put up with you all these years, and has EARNED your extra money won't put up with you spending it on some young thing who has never once washed the shit stains out of your jockeys...and she will take you to court and get it ALL!!! No big deal you think...cause you are an old dumb ass stupid shit....you still have all these young babes hanging around you and you still feel 18..right???? Wrong...you idiot!! Now that your ex has the house and car and most of your income in maintenance support...you won't have the money to blow on the pretty babes...and they will drop you like a hot potato...cause you aren't 18...you're a fucking old shit!!! And now you're a fucking old shit with no money.....you wanted to feel 18...you got it baby....living in a roach invested apartment and driving a piece of shit car...but hey...you'll still have a hard dick every night....you dumb ass!!!!

So buy all means...buy this Testosterone Enhancer.....it's the bomb dude!! Spend your money on something that will ruin your life and make you a lonely old dumb shit with nothing....OR, maybe it's time to realize that you are tired and not as active as you were cause you're an old shit...who has spent years raising a family and building a life with a good woman. Maybe it's time to take her out to supper, or on a cruise...or just down the block on a couple bikes to just spend some time together...enjoying your old age....with money....and all the fringe benefits that come with being an old shit. Get a clue fool!!!!!! We don't give a shit about your life...we are just trying to sell some shit and make some money for ourselves!!!

Wonder if I have a career in sales?? LMAO!! Well, a little dose of reality never hurt anyone. And that's just the dill pickle bout that!!!!

Come out to the depths, the water's fine!!!

I had such an awesome time last night with two women I have almost known for years. Yeah, I kinda knew them in school....knew what they looked like on the outside, but didn't really know that inside they were just as scared and lost and longing for approval as I was. Man we get really good and hiding the inside at an incredibly early age, don't we. Anyhoo...so I almost knew who they were...by the time we made it to high school...we were divided into all the little social cliches and groups and I don't really remember to much of them for those days....but then, those days were harsh and I don't want to remember to much from them. So years, and yeah, unfortunately I mean YEARS later, we run into each other on Facebook. And suddenly, they both come to life for me with their vivid sense of humor and their concern and genuine....ness. Okay...that may not be a word, but they are down to earth and the real deal and that just kept coming thru in their comments.....so finally and I do mean FINALLY, we end up getting together at my house. The humming birds put on their usual WWE Smackdown show, and Mr Fixit grilled cheeseburgers and brats and and then left us to ourselves and we kicked back on the patio and just had this soothing relaxing conversations for ......HOURS. Okay, so we did eat some chips, but we never even got around to eating supper....that's how great we were all enjoying the time.

It was so much more than 'Hi, how ya doin', how's everything going....oh don't you just hate that..." It was a conversation of many topics and themes and we just ran with it from the depths of our souls. I can't even begin to explain how refreshing it was to be boldly honest with opinions and thoughts about the past and the present and to find we were all so very much in the same place some thirty years later and it was good...We all took our own individual road to hell and back a few times over...we all survived....we all have the tee-shirt....and we all grew into solid secure women who are going to be who we really are and the rest of the world can take a flying leap if they don't like it. We all went thru some painful times that taught us to put away our judgement robes and to accept folks for who they are. And that's pretty much what we did, we just talked for hours and accepted each other in rather large doses of admirations..or at least that's what I was feeling the whole evening. Admiring their past struggles and pain and the women they had become. I felt like I was a comrade in arms last night. I think if we'd given it another hour or two, we probably could have solved all the worlds problems!! LOL You know how it is when good minds come together.

So I was up at the crack of dawn today and thinking about all the things we discussed in depth and that's when it hit me. All this time, I had been dragging around this feeling that nobody would be able to relate to me because of all the bullshit from my past. Now where in the hell did I ever come up with that bright idea?!! Yeah, I've been thru some bullshit, and struggled thru an abusive marriage and raising three kids alone and financial scrunches that would make a few people stop breathing for sure....but ya know what...both of these women had some pretty harsh times under their belts too. Those times when in order to be true to yourself, you end up pissing everyone off around you and you have to stand alone, but you can't not be yourself, so you learn to stand alone and continue on. Yeah, I thought I was pretty jaded from all the crap in the past, but I see very clearly it's just a very productive product of coming thru it and living to tell the tale. And in all honesty...I am delighted for us and the hard times in our past. I just love who the three of us have become as individuals, and am delighted to find out that I can chuck this old feeling that I have been thru too much to really relate to anyone. No...I think I've been thru too much to be able to put up with the shallow end....that's all. I was just craving some depth from some fellow soul sisters. Last night was like a breath of fresh air. It was like soaking away in a hot top and opening up all your pores and taking huge breaths of fresh clean cool air.

I think I was so busy being fascinated by the stories and the thoughts and opinions that I really didn't talk to much about mine.. at least not the past they would be able to relate too...well, I'm just going to have to get together for another time with these girls. I'm thinking a monthly 'therapy' session is in order. And I'm seeing that all this time I have been dreaded the hard row my oldest child has chosen to hoe, I should be seeing it for what it really is, just the times of pressure that will end up refining her to the pure gold we become when we turn loose of all our insecurities and just become who we really are. I was trying to set up my kids to protect them from all those really harsh rough times that I went thru, when in reality, it's just a necessary part of becoming someone of depth and genuineness. I found myself humming thru the grocery store this morning...don't even know how the tune popped up, but there I was browsing the shoe isle for some boot laces and I was humming an old Cyndi Lauper tune. "I see your true colors and that's why I love you, so don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors are beautiful, like a rainbow." So yeah, can we have a little more depth and genuineness in this world? Okay, how bout just in the town I live in. It is muchly desired from this old gal!!! I am very blessed to have a few very special friends in my world, who know how to enjoy the deep end. Come on out ya all...the water is just wonderful out here!!

SO....since Happy ends a lot of her blogs with questions that make me think, (she's another one of those deep end girls and she's got the cannon ball jump to prove it!!;) )I'm going to play copy cat and do that too!!! What silly notions have you been dragging around about yourself that you need to chuck?!! I hope something stirs you in a moving way this weekend and they become apparent to you!!! Then you can bring them over to the bonfire party this fall and we'll throw all of them in!!! And that's just the dill pickle bout that!