Damn those Walmart peoples!!! I hate them all!! I go every other Friday night...about $200 to $300 worth of a cart packed to the gills....big bags of dog/cat food and the canned of course, cause I have spoiled every fricken thing in my house beyond repair...and bottled water and Mr Fixit likes Gatorade and those cute little bottles of chocolate milk to take in his lunchbox for breakfast time....yeah, when you start work at 6:00AM you tend to take a breakfast snack for first break....any hooo.....I have a list on a clipboard cause I am super organized like that and I check off each time an item gets chucked into the cart and cuss under my breath each time I have to start that cart back up into motion with one hundred and elevety-seven pounds on it...and thru out the store......they set up their cute little displays to side track me....them sons a bitches!!!!!!
So I need to pick a few things in the health isles and see this new display of reading glasses....oh man look they come in cool colors now!! And since Mr Fixit and I are fighting over the last pair in the house the puppies have not managed to turn into a chew toy, I really should pick up a pair....or FOUR. Good Lord woman...get a grip!! But hey, now we have pairs all over the house, so this will be good...okay..just stick to the list and let's get this done!! SO...back on to the list...shampoo and razors..okay...but NO....low and behold, here comes the hair ties...all shiny and fun and calling my name...well hell yes they know it...I practically live there!!! And I see this one new thingy that a couple girls at work have with two hair combs and some type of beaded elastic stuff between them and it comes in TWO different colors and I'm thinking HELL YES...that would just be the bomb to keep my hair out of my face and into the cart they go......
So then I'm done loading dog food bags...two kinds of course....don't know why I even bother, the old gal goes for the puppy chow when she thinks no one is looking and the puppies want what the old gal is eating as soon as she's had her fill...I should just throw some of each in a big bowl and wish em' all the best of luck!!! But then theres cat food and the big ass container of litter I buy and now the cart is feeling a little more like something you'd work out on at the gym and I'm headed down to the back side of the store towards the light bulbs when WOW...What is THAT!! Look at that display of TULIP BULBS!! $5.00!!!! Really??? I could afford that!!! What color do I want???? Oh man they have so many bi-colored ones this year!!! Oh wow..red Hyacinths....too cool!!! Oh look, little crocus...they bloom right up thru the snow!!!!...Sooooo $30.00 later...I'm getting a nice work out back on course...list right under my nose...and I'm determined to stay on track...really I am...don't need to go over budget yet again...and I'm picking up printer paper and back to the main isle I go...yeah for me...I'm gonna stick to the list now..I promi......Holy Crap....Clash of the Titans is out on DVD!!! Oh look at all that bronze buff!!! I bet Mr Fixit would enjoy this one...so it'd be okay to buy it...cause, really...it's a man movie, so I'm doing it for him...and for the Water Boy the next time he pops in to rest and shower and FEED and asks..."got any new movies mom??"....so SURE, I can do this....WHOPP, into the bulging cart it goes......
Okay...just get to the grocery part of the store and get the hell out of here!!! Okay..eggs and chocolate milk and bottled water...stick to the list...stick to the li....HEY!!! Cranberry Trail Mix!! Who knew???!!! That sounds good!! Bet it'd be healthy too!! I could even put a little container in Mr Fixit's lunch.....well yeah!!!!
So..on it goes...then I get to the produce section and yes...even there...I find something displayed by those evil people at Walmart who have a conspiracy going to totally destroy my monthly budget!!! Now the cart is damn near immovable...I am making funny little grunting sounds when I try to get it into motion....Complete and total idiots are pushing carts and walking right in front of me like I have any control to steer or stop this out of control freight train of a cart. I get that "Oh HELL NO!!" look from the checker....I'm use to it by now...I'll laugh and tease them thru out the long draw out process and cry when the total comes up and they will feel sorry for me and not mind the hour of their time I took up when it's all done. Get over it little person...you too will be a mom/wife/four legged kid owner someday and be in my shoes!!! And then I get the joy of pushing this cart UP the parking lot slope to my van...cars backing out right in front of me.....oh THANKS PUMPKIN!!! Yes please hurry off to get to the party your tiny little ass must be headed for...with your new tiny sack of eye liner you had to have before you went...I don't mind trying to start this Mac Truck back up into motion UP HILL!! Have a great night!!! Try not to puke on your new sandals!!! And then it's load it all up in my tired ole van and drive home sipping my Subway Coke and eyeing the sandwiches that I am SUPPOSE to wait to eat with the ole man once we get home and unload this semi into the house....and then...then....when he's worn out and eating his sandwich...I can break it to him....gently of course.....'Look Honey...I got us some new reading glasses....and I got you this new movie...rememeber..we saw the previews and you said it looked like a good one!!' I think I'll save the flower bulbs for another day...like next spring...when they are popping up out of the ground and looking wonderful as they usher in a new Spring!!!
Is it any wonder I am now broke yet again?? It's not my fault!! I had my list!! I had my good intentions!!! It's those damn Walmart peoples!!! Yes, I know...it's truly time for a support group isn't it!! Which one do you go to??? :) So yeah, I'll be home the rest of the weekend...but I'll have lots of totally cool new STUFF!!!!!!!! And THAT'S the dill pickle bout that!!!
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