I had such an awesome time last night with two women I have almost known for years. Yeah, I kinda knew them in school....knew what they looked like on the outside, but didn't really know that inside they were just as scared and lost and longing for approval as I was. Man we get really good and hiding the inside at an incredibly early age, don't we. Anyhoo...so I almost knew who they were...by the time we made it to high school...we were divided into all the little social cliches and groups and I don't really remember to much of them for those days....but then, those days were harsh and I don't want to remember to much from them. So years, and yeah, unfortunately I mean YEARS later, we run into each other on Facebook. And suddenly, they both come to life for me with their vivid sense of humor and their concern and genuine....ness. Okay...that may not be a word, but they are down to earth and the real deal and that just kept coming thru in their comments.....so finally and I do mean FINALLY, we end up getting together at my house. The humming birds put on their usual WWE Smackdown show, and Mr Fixit grilled cheeseburgers and brats and and then left us to ourselves and we kicked back on the patio and just had this soothing relaxing conversations for ......HOURS. Okay, so we did eat some chips, but we never even got around to eating supper....that's how great we were all enjoying the time.
It was so much more than 'Hi, how ya doin', how's everything going....oh don't you just hate that..." It was a conversation of many topics and themes and we just ran with it from the depths of our souls. I can't even begin to explain how refreshing it was to be boldly honest with opinions and thoughts about the past and the present and to find we were all so very much in the same place some thirty years later and it was good...We all took our own individual road to hell and back a few times over...we all survived....we all have the tee-shirt....and we all grew into solid secure women who are going to be who we really are and the rest of the world can take a flying leap if they don't like it. We all went thru some painful times that taught us to put away our judgement robes and to accept folks for who they are. And that's pretty much what we did, we just talked for hours and accepted each other in rather large doses of admirations..or at least that's what I was feeling the whole evening. Admiring their past struggles and pain and the women they had become. I felt like I was a comrade in arms last night. I think if we'd given it another hour or two, we probably could have solved all the worlds problems!! LOL You know how it is when good minds come together.
So I was up at the crack of dawn today and thinking about all the things we discussed in depth and that's when it hit me. All this time, I had been dragging around this feeling that nobody would be able to relate to me because of all the bullshit from my past. Now where in the hell did I ever come up with that bright idea?!! Yeah, I've been thru some bullshit, and struggled thru an abusive marriage and raising three kids alone and financial scrunches that would make a few people stop breathing for sure....but ya know what...both of these women had some pretty harsh times under their belts too. Those times when in order to be true to yourself, you end up pissing everyone off around you and you have to stand alone, but you can't not be yourself, so you learn to stand alone and continue on. Yeah, I thought I was pretty jaded from all the crap in the past, but I see very clearly it's just a very productive product of coming thru it and living to tell the tale. And in all honesty...I am delighted for us and the hard times in our past. I just love who the three of us have become as individuals, and am delighted to find out that I can chuck this old feeling that I have been thru too much to really relate to anyone. No...I think I've been thru too much to be able to put up with the shallow end....that's all. I was just craving some depth from some fellow soul sisters. Last night was like a breath of fresh air. It was like soaking away in a hot top and opening up all your pores and taking huge breaths of fresh clean cool air.
I think I was so busy being fascinated by the stories and the thoughts and opinions that I really didn't talk to much about mine.. at least not the past they would be able to relate too...well, I'm just going to have to get together for another time with these girls. I'm thinking a monthly 'therapy' session is in order. And I'm seeing that all this time I have been dreaded the hard row my oldest child has chosen to hoe, I should be seeing it for what it really is, just the times of pressure that will end up refining her to the pure gold we become when we turn loose of all our insecurities and just become who we really are. I was trying to set up my kids to protect them from all those really harsh rough times that I went thru, when in reality, it's just a necessary part of becoming someone of depth and genuineness. I found myself humming thru the grocery store this morning...don't even know how the tune popped up, but there I was browsing the shoe isle for some boot laces and I was humming an old Cyndi Lauper tune. "I see your true colors and that's why I love you, so don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors are beautiful, like a rainbow." So yeah, can we have a little more depth and genuineness in this world? Okay, how bout just in the town I live in. It is muchly desired from this old gal!!! I am very blessed to have a few very special friends in my world, who know how to enjoy the deep end. Come on out ya all...the water is just wonderful out here!!
SO....since Happy ends a lot of her blogs with questions that make me think, (she's another one of those deep end girls and she's got the cannon ball jump to prove it!!;) )I'm going to play copy cat and do that too!!! What silly notions have you been dragging around about yourself that you need to chuck?!! I hope something stirs you in a moving way this weekend and they become apparent to you!!! Then you can bring them over to the bonfire party this fall and we'll throw all of them in!!! And that's just the dill pickle bout that!
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