Well, let's see, to start off with, my boss informs me that as "team leader" of the set up of this new computer system we are getting at work, I need to be at a meeting next Friday...which I happened to be planning on taking off for a vacation day...cause I have a LOT of them I need to burn up or loose... So SHIT!!!..and I have to hit an 8:AM meeting to discuss all this stuff...in Wichita!! Are you fucking kidding me???? You want me to hit an 8:AM meeting on Friday in Wichita? Counting morning traffic that's a three hour drive!!!! So I inform HER that the trannie in my van is going out AGAIN..and it's heading to the shop this week...I may not have it back by Friday..NO PROBLEM, she'll hook me up with a company car to drive down there....and then I ask if she's going to be there and why don't I ride with her....well SHE is already going to be down there for three days...GREAT!!! So then I ask if she's going to have an extra bed in her room, cause I'd rather do a three hour drive in the evening sunshine than at 4:AM in the dark, and she thinks she may line me up with a room for Thursday night...she'll get back with me on that....I'm still waiting to hear what the hell is going on. Either way I'm not happy. I'm not salary, I'm not an executive...I'm the peon A/P clerk...I don't' want to travel with my job, or spend a night away from Mr Fixit and my waterbed. So I have to do that, or get up and be ready to represent and spend three hours on the road to make an 8:AM meeting. If they don't pay me for my travel time, this will be the last trip my happy ass makes as 'team leader'!!!!
Moving on....I had the most perfect shopping trip at Walmart I've ever had last Friday night. I got a parking spot four spaces from the front door...can you believe it??!!!! Four spaces!!! AND it was only one space away from the cart caddy!!! Oh thank you Jesus for sweet little favors!!! And then the first cart I grabbed had FOUR good wheels and pushed straight as an arrow with no wobbles or pulling to the left or right....I could manhandle it ONE-HANDED!!!! Oh for joy!!! And everything on my list I found right away with no back tracking or looking or trying to track down one of their clueless workers to ask them where in the hell this or that was at!! And the most amazing part of this dream trip was that when I rounded the produce isle and shifted all the crap around to find space for a watermelon and headed to the checkout...I found a checker who was just standing there waiting for me!!! Oh I shit you not....NO LINE!!!!!! It was surreal, it was sublime...the perfect trip!!!! I placed all my crap on his conveyor belt with a giddy smile on my face....I'm sure he thought I'd overdone my happy meds, but I couldn't wipe the smile off my face!! And LOOK!!! No lines at subway....Oh this is too much!!! I zip in there and order my two footlongs and they guy actually remembers me and most of what I want...I just have to stand there and visit with that giddy smile on my face....There was a warp in the fabric of the universe....I drove thru some tear into a new dimension...this is how the perfect world plays out. This is too much!!! I fill up my plastic cup with Coke...cause I just crammed two weeks worth of shit into a cart and that's my TREAT!! And I'm practically skipping out the door of Walmart pushing this two ton cart and I see the most massive rain storm I've ever encountered at a Walmart parking lot. Rain drops were bouncing three feet high off the pavement. It was dark as midnight...all the lights in the parking lot were on. And as I stand there under the awning with my heavy cart...looking longingly at my van...just a few spaces down the lane...sipping my Coke...it suddenly occurs to me that I need to pee. I'M BACK!!! Must have accidentally pushed that cart back thru the tear in the warp of time......yep....this is my world!!! Well, I could have stood there hopping around having to pee til the rain quit....but it did seem to lighten up a little....and I thought...to hell with it!!! I am most certainly not made of sugar...I will not melt, and I think the grocery's will survive a little moisture....so I make my run for it....I only had to go back to the driver door twice to hit the unlock button....the hatch lock sticks due to all the dust from my gravel roads....and once under the hatch...I was only getting hit with falling rain from the waist down!!! Grocery's loaded, cart back to the little pen....doors shut...I'm on my way...pretty damp...a little cold....but on my way home!!! Folks are probably still talking about that crazy woman in the parking lot the other night who was running around with her cart in a down pour laughing her ass off....bet they wish they had my meds!!! Sorry folks, you just can't bottle this kind of insanity!! The best part of the night...the most fitting of it all, was AFTER Mr Fixit came out and helped me carry it all in and put it all away, (I don't let him come with me anymore cause he just doesn't get off browsing the new colors of eye liner or doing a once over on the clothing clearance racks and it's just better if I send him off to play some pool while I'm in my happy little shopping adventure..but he ALWAYS meets up with me to help carry them in cause that's just the super wonderful guy he is!!!) and AFTER I dried off damp puppies who were out in a little of the down pour...and AFTER I put on some jammy pants and grabbed my sandwich and sat down in my recliner....I came to realize my ass was still damp!!!! Apparently one of the puppies cuddled their dripping wet body in my recliner when Mr Fixit first got home and let them in....the rain has been over for a good two hours....and I still have a wet ass from it!!! Oh yes....this is my crazy world....I'm back!!!
Moving on to Saturday....I managed to get a date planned with all three of my kids...at the same time, mind you, and my wonderful mother...to take her out for lunch for her Birthday. She turned 82 last Saturday, and I had all three kids available for Friday afternoon....just enough time from when one got off work, and one going to work to fit in a late lunch with their grandma. Perfect...so I call her up to surprise her and guess what??!!!! SHE has plans...get the fuck outta here??? Seriously???? My mother never has plans!! But today of all days...she did. So I ask her what's up...it's hard to get all three of my kids together like this...well, SHE informs me that she has to be at the church at 2:00.....uhhmmmmm Mom...tomorrow is Friday..not Sunday...what's up at church??? Well, they are having a gospel country program out there Friday night at 7:00 and she has to take her pies out at 2:00. MOM???? Why can't you take your pies out at 5:00??? I'd have you back home before then!!!!! BECAUSE...she has to go help set up and make ham and chicken salad sandwiches and cut up the pies and cakes and they are going to be shorthanded on Friday afternoon and she SAID she was going to be their to help. Well, that pretty much ended the discussion.....from prior posts you will know that integrity is a BIG BIG thing with my family and if she SAID she was going to be their, even death would not keep her from showing up. So....it was back to the calender and making fifteen hundred calls and texts but we revamped a couple schedules and it was back on for the following Saturday. So yesterday was the big day and I drove the 30 minutes west to pick her up...and then the 50 minutes east to hook up with the girls...and the Water Boy joined in and we hit this great little restaurant in down town college town. It was fun...the service sucked, but we made up for it with a lot of talking and laughing....they screwed up our order so bad we got it all for half price, which was cool!!! I even tipped the waitress on the full amount cause she tried to make up for all the glitches going on in the kitchen. I felt sorry for her....they made the wrong thing the first time thru and then the second time thru somebody grabbed half her order and took it to another table by mistake and the third time thru it still wasn't right...but she made the most of it with some humor and she even brought out a few little things we weren't suppose to get....I could have gotten pissed and raised some hell, but hey...I had two and a half hours at a table with my momma and my babies and I really didn't mind all the delays. And besides the coffee was most excellent...and my Gypsy....professional waitress that she is...kept going to fill up my cup for me, so it was all good!!!
So...after I get my momma back home and make it back to my home sweet home, the Water Boy decides to hang out at home and takes control of the computer...CRAP..but he is gearing up to join the Air Force...if they'd just quit loosing his paperwork and get him processed already...but that's a whole post in its' self...and I don't mind him being home and hogging the internet...gives me a chance to play with his hair and laugh with him...I'll miss that soon enough. Mr Fixit is going fishing again which is really great for him....he loves to go out catching catfish, loves to cook catfish...really loves to eat catfish...ME??? I could go all my life without any catfish on earth. But I'm tickled for him...even helped him pack a cooler to take along...and then I make some calls and texts...cause it's Saturday night and I ought to go out and play a little too...right? Uhmmmm no. It's a stall out with everybody I called....so I end up popping the top on a Bud Light Lime and heading to the garden....after the torrential rainstorm the night before, my garden is just begging me to come pull some weeds...so that's what I did...for three hours...(between trips back and forth to the house for another beer or a smoke)....pulled weeds and played in the garden....the puppies helped....AFTER they tore up two bags of mulch on the back porch. WTF???? Must have been planning an attack on me or something....all I can say is Thank God the puppies were there to rip those conspiring mulch bags to death before they could carry out their evil plans on me!!!! Anyhoo it was a great night to weed...the wet earth was practically spitting them out at me as I pulled. Even Liddy Kiddy showed up and plopped down over the next hunk of grass in line to be pulled....it's easier to get my attention that way and get yet another scratching...she's smart like that. And of course the puppies took that extra effort I love them for to make sure all the big clumps of grass I'd pulled and thrown into the yard were good and dead. They enjoyed a few games of tug of war with some of them....Now the garden looks great and Mr Fixit's yard looks like hell...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I like jacking with him like that too...that's how I roll!!!! Besides...it will give him an excuse to get out his prized rider with the bag attachments and vacuum the lawn in the coming week.
It has come to my mind over this summer that I was born a work mule. And ya know...I really don't seem to mind. But that's a whole nother story......This post was lame, but after giving my blogNbottle cousin Sassy a bunch of shit for not posting anything in a good long while, I thought I'd better get busy and spew something out on mine!!! And that's pretty much the dill pickle bout that!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment